My Rant about why I broke NC

[whatadeer26]

Please comment if you think I am dumb or you would have done the same. Overall it’s been 5 weeks since judgment day

 

So on Monday night I was out with my friends, capping off a great weekend. While we were getting ready to leave my friend made a comment that my ex had these depressing Facebook statuses and began to laugh. I became curious, even though I knew why she would be upset, I was really drunk not a great combination when you still have her number. She and I broke up shortly after her Dad left her mom, she basically broke down. Before I fully implememted NC she had told me they were trying to work things out. So I looked at her comments and realized something was probably wrong, he probably left. So I stupidly texted her what was wrong. She just told me that they were getting a divorce, being really brief. She was hanging on every little word I sent, so I decided to not answer her question, thinking she didn’t want to talk to me about it. Later on I started getting question mark texts and it finally ended with her asking me “what was the point of my text if I wasn’t going to respond”. It was then I realized, what was my intention? Why would she want to talk to me about her problems? I think I was just trying to get back in her good graces to maybe slide back into her life. But, I had contacted her so I felt it wasn’t fair to mess with her head more that it already is. I made the mistake I needed to step up and take the hit to my heart again. So I explained I was just seeing how she was doing and if she was ok and that I stopped answering because I felt she didn’t want to talk to me about it. After that she opened up a bit and we just messaged each other back and forth. For the first time since we broke up she actually said thank you and asked how I was doing.

 

What’s funny is I feel ok. Before this weekend I would say I was 70-80% over her. Messaging her definitely set me back to about 50% because some hope of us set back in. But for the first time I never brought up us while talking to her. I didn’t even think about bringing it up. I have a date on Monday, so I am hoping that helps push me back up. I told my ex I am here to talk to her or help her and her Mom out in any way possible. I am not sure if I am still just trying to convince myself I am ok or I am actually moving on. In writing this I don’t regret contacting her. If for 1 minute I helped her forget about her troubles it was worth the day or 2 I set myself back. Maybe I am moving on to where I am ok being friends. Only time will tell. Please comment if you think I am dumb or you would have done the same[/sIZE][/FONT]

Edited July 21, 2010 by whatadeer26

[Allisha]

Please comment if you think I am dumb or you would have done the same. Overall it’s been 5 weeks since judgment day

 

So on Monday night I was out with my friends, capping off a great weekend. While we were getting ready to leave my friend made a comment that my ex had these depressing Facebook statuses and began to laugh. I became curious, even though I knew why she would be upset, I was really drunk not a great combination when you still have her number. She and I broke up shortly after her Dad left her mom, she basically broke down. Before I fully implememted NC she had told me they were trying to work things out. So I looked at her comments and realized something was probably wrong, he probably left. So I stupidly texted her what was wrong. She just told me that they were getting a divorce, being really brief. She was hanging on every little word I sent, so I decided to not answer her question, thinking she didn’t want to talk to me about it. Later on I started getting question mark texts and it finally ended with her asking me “what was the point of my text if I wasn’t going to respond”. It was then I realized, what was my intention? Why would she want to talk to me about her problems? I think I was just trying to get back in her good graces to maybe slide back into her life. But, I had contacted her so I felt it wasn’t fair to mess with her head more that it already is. I made the mistake I needed to step up and take the hit to my heart again. So I explained I was just seeing how she was doing and if she was ok and that I stopped answering because I felt she didn’t want to talk to me about it. After that she opened up a bit and we just messaged each other back and forth. For the first time since we broke up she actually said thank you and asked how I was doing.

 

What’s funny is I feel ok. Before this weekend I would say I was 70-80% over her. Messaging her definitely set me back to about 50% because some hope of us set back in. But for the first time I never brought up us while talking to her. I didn’t even think about bringing it up. I have a date on Monday, so I am hoping that helps push me back up. I told my ex I am here to talk to her or help her and her Mom out in any way possible. I am not sure if I am still just trying to convince myself I am ok or I am actually moving on. In writing this I don’t regret contacting her. If for 1 minute I helped her forget about her troubles it was worth the day or 2 I set myself back. Maybe I am moving on to where I am ok being friends. Only time will tell. Please comment if you think I am dumb or you would have done the same[/sIZE][/FONT]

 

 

This was a dumb thing to do for two reasons, each point relates to the bold bits in the quote. So, in order...

 

1) YOU implemented NC? And then you break it because you get nosey and curious? Then have the audacity to ignore her text when she responds? Who do you think you are?!?!

 

2) You've successfully managed to take steps back, rather than forward. You've probably done the same for her. NOT good.

 

It's clear this girl has issues in her life which she's trying to deal with and you're not helping her. So, delete her number and move on.

 

Sorry if this appears harsh, and I'm fully aware feelings aren't easy to ignore all the time, especially while drinking, but sometimes it's best you do ignore them.

[whatadeer26]

I think what I wrote may have been a bit confusing. She broke up with me to deal with her family issues. She stopped talking to me, so I went NC. I truely wish I hadn't stumbled on that information and will move back into NC.

 

That was the first time I ever drunk texted her.

[Allisha]

I think what I wrote may have been a bit confusing. She broke up with me to deal with her family issues. She stopped talking to me, so I went NC. I truely wish I hadn't stumbled on that information and will move back into NC.

 

That was the first time I ever drunk texted her.

 

 

Noooo. I get all this.

 

regardless, you two were in NC and you broke it. It was a dumb move, however you look at it. I think you get that though.

 

I really hope you delete her number, so even if the urge comes, you don't have her number to text her while you're drunk.

 

It's fine to make mistakes in life - everyone does - as long as you learn from them

[whatadeer26]

I REALLY REALLY messed up. She just friended me again on Facebook. I can't deny it. WTF? I am an absolute idiot.

[Allisha]

I REALLY REALLY messed up. She just friended me again on Facebook. I can't deny it. WTF? I am an absolute idiot.

 

I really want to slap you now.

 

Please delete her. You're going backwards EPICALLY.

[whatadeer26]

God I am an Idiot. She is going to ask why I deleted her. What should I say? Should I send her a message telling her I can be friends on Facebook?

[Allisha]

God I am an Idiot. She is going to ask why I deleted her. What should I say? Should I send her a message telling her I can be friends on Facebook?

 

If you're going with NC again, it shouldn't matter what she asks you as you should ignore her attempts, yes?

 

 

If you MUST message her (even though I strongly advise against it), simply explain that you want to go back to NC as speaking to her again has brought up old memories, feelings and has "stunted" you getting over her a little. Apologise, too, for giving her any false impressions.

 

Also - just imagine if you're at 90% at getting over her, and then she starts posting pictures on her Facebook of her with another guy. Seriously, eliminate any and all risk for your healing & just delete her. She made it clear she didn't need you to cope with her family problems, so leave her to to it. She made her bed.

 

And you're making a right mess of your bed by being stoopid! So please, stop it!

Edited July 21, 2010 by Allisha

[GrayClouds]

God I am an Idiot. She is going to ask why I deleted her. What should I say? Should I send her a message telling her I can be friends on Facebook?

"Be honest with her, tell her as much as you wish her well, and would want nothing more then to be able to be "that guy" who she can lean on, you have to pull back and give yourself space to heal. You understand her reasons for the break-up but it does not mean it is any less painful, and contact is a constant reminder. This means you are going back and sticking to NC"

[whatadeer26]

I can't help but think she want's to get back together now. I am ruining my progress. I f'ed up badly.

 

Can I assume this is an attempt to reconcile? Should I try 1 last time to get her back before I cut her off?

[whatadeer26]

I promised her I would be there for her if she needed to talk. I never thought she would friend me back on Facebook. Why would she do this?

[GrayClouds]

Re-read my previous post.

 

Do you see how breaking NC goes. Yes you said you would be their for her but have you made the commitment to yourself yet?

 

If she care about any she will understand, if she doesn't care then it does not matter. Either way going NC is the right thing to do.

[whatadeer26]

Thanks for both of your help. I need to think about what I am going to do before I do it. I'm seriously thinking about just deleting my Facebook entirely.

[whatadeer26]

She just texted me asking if I was in Mexico. I was suppose to be there, but had to cancel the trip.

[Thorgs]

Well, don't delete her friend request until you know for sure if she's putting you in the "friend zone" or wants to rekindle the relationship. If she asks why you haven't accepted her just say you haven't been on...but don't then accept it for her to see you have been on!

 

Anyways, keep to that NC if you want to move past these horrible feelings of being abandoned and alone, etc...

[Thorgs]

She just texted me asking if I was in Mexico. I was suppose to be there, but had to cancel the trip.

I don't see how a, "no I had to cancel" reply could hurt. Maybe she's thinking you being in Mexico is why you haven't accepted her friend request.

[whatadeer26]

I accepted it and told her I had to cancel it. She asked questions about why, and I answered.

 

I need to slow my response time down, but Blackberry messanger is a pain because you can tell if someone read your message.

 

I'm not sure what her motive is. Do I hope it's get closer to me? Yes. But, until I get a vibe that she is, further than her refriending me on stupid FB i'll stick to doing me. NC and try my hardest to never look at her FB wall. I have high hopes for my date on Monday with this girl I met.

[spyyder]

whatadeer26, what I'm about to say is probably something everyone else will be against, but I just wanted to support what I think you want to do.

 

Go for it!! F yeah bro, try and get your girl back! She's in a state of mind that you can take advantage of (in a good way) to get her back. Comfort her, be there for her and trust me she will remember it as this is a time that she will remember forever. **** NC for now, you have your whole life to go NC, but you don't have much time to take the opportunity thats in front of you. You can move on/go NC later on if you don't get her back.

 

Tell her "your problems are OUR problems, and I'm here for you because I love you, so we can get through this together [name]". This will make her think that your a team again, and that she has another 'half' to get comfort from. If you comfort her NOW then you'll get some huge points when she comes to decide if she wants to get back with you. Just comfort & care the **** outta her bro.

 

If it doesn't work out, then at least you'll KNOW you tried. From what I've read, if you don't comfort her now I don't think she'll ever want to be with you - you'll be the guy that wasn't there for her during this emotional time.

 

Your high hopes for your date is going to either make you seem desperate, or your just setting yourself up for a fall if the date doesn't turn out to be as great as you hope it will be.

Edited July 21, 2010 by spyyder

[whatadeer26]

I can't pull myself to delete her from Facebook again. I have thought removed everything possible that could come up on my news feed. I just need to stay off her page and I'll be fine.

 

I told her if she needed anything to ask. So I'll be here if she ever asks. I am afraid I will comfort her into someone else's arms. She is going away on a trip to Vegas in a few weeks. I don;t know if I should make a move to meet up before or after that.

[Allisha]

I accepted it and told her I had to cancel it. She asked questions about why, and I answered.

 

I need to slow my response time down, but Blackberry messanger is a pain because you can tell if someone read your message.

 

I'm not sure what her motive is. Do I hope it's get closer to me? Yes. But, until I get a vibe that she is, further than her refriending me on stupid FB i'll stick to doing me. NC and try my hardest to never look at her FB wall. I have high hopes for my date on Monday with this girl I met.

 

This is gonna sound very patronising, but I'm not quite sure you understand what NC means.

 

Honestly, you need to stop this. You're just digging yourself into a hole.

 

I know it's hard sweetie, but some things are just necessary. She dumped you to deal with her problems, and you're sitting promising her you'll be there for her? What if something happens from that? There's a chance it's simply because you're providing comfort, not because she still wants you. Meaning as soon as her family stuff is resolved, she'll get her sense back and you will be gone, again. Right back to the start...which is where you're heading with your actions right now, as it happens.

[whatadeer26]

I decided it was best if I just deleted her from Facebook. I did so this morning and she began to text me. I have not responded to anything she sent. Texts or the phone call.

 

Thought I'd keep you posted since you had helped me before.