My NC LOG

August 13, 2010

I am feeling a little more emotional today than I have for the past week. I have started to think about all her good points and nice things about her again. These thoughts are coupled with a feeling of love in my stomach and heart. I can feel a weakness building from within and washing over me....

I hope it doesn’t get any worse. I think it’s partly because it was this weekend a year ago when we first kissed and got together. What an amazing night....

I wonder if she remembers. I’m sure she does. Sad times.

August 13, 2010

I am feeling a little more emotional today than I have for the past week. I have started to think about all her good points and nice things about her again.

So I going to give you a secret to help you. It is really simple, though that is not to say easy. Ok, you ready, here go, listen closely.....

STOP IT.

That's it. I know it hard but you got to force yourself when the head goes into sentimental mode push those thought to something else more positive, For example " I miss the way she use to... STOP... what am I going to have for dinner"

Better yet ask yourself what is the emotion to the thought...loneliness, anger, sadness and then what can you do about it... call a friend, beat up a pillow, rent a funny movie. Instead of going there find a healthy way out.

Good luck, it does get better, specially the less you give into it.

.

August 16, 2010

So I going to give you a secret to help you. It is really simple, though that is not to say easy. Ok, you ready, here go, listen closely.....

STOP IT.

That's it. I know it hard but you got to force yourself when the head goes into sentimental mode push those thought to something else more positive, For example " I miss the way she use to... STOP... what am I going to have for dinner"

Better yet ask yourself what is the emotion to the thought...loneliness, anger, sadness and then what can you do about it... call a friend, beat up a pillow, rent a funny movie. Instead of going there find a healthy way out.

Good luck, it does get better, specially the less you give into it.

.

Thanks GC, I can't argue with that advice. Its deffinitly getting much easier to stop the sentimental thoughts, without that initial pain fuelling that nagativity. I have beaten my pillow so much in the past it is looking more like quilt now:)

August 16, 2010

Well thats the weekend of our anaversary out of the way. She has been in my thoughts but I haven't contacted her. I was very tempted to send her a text last night after I had a few beers saying "it was a year today that we first kissed" ect ect.... but I didn't. I have become much more logical over the past week. I have noticed myself not thinking about her as much now which is kinda nice but sad at the same time. I am feeling very alone at the moment though. Went out on a date with the girl I have been dating last night. I don't think it is going to go anywhere and she doesn't seem too bothered. Maybe it's for the best. I am also feeling that now the pain is subsiding, I am left with a yearning still inside me. I still love her. Although the pain is passing, the irrational thoughts are subsiding. I still love this girl. I still think about her and want to be with her. I have been thinking about hopw well we got on and connected and it makes me feel very sad. Not devestated like before, but just sadness. I wonder if we will ever speak again... Well at least thats the dreaded weekend out the way. I miss her thoughand I also miss intimacy... Need a hug..

August 16, 2010

Damn... had another dream about her last night. It wasn't nice. I can't remember exactly what it was about but I seem to remember it telling her in the dream how she had changed and that she no longer freely says she loves me like she once did and no longer laughs at my jokes ect. Just seemed less interested. In reality though thats exactly how she changed. She once thought i was one of the funniest guys she met and was so affectionate and loving. Then as her feelings faded if I said something funny or silly, She would give a little fake laugh just to humour me (like she was forcing it) and it seemed that she just lost something. It seemed as though she lost respect for me so my fun, jokey ways became lost on her.

It strange how people can change so much.

August 17, 2010

I’m doing ok but still miss her.

We weren’t together that long but she has really done something to me. No woman has ever had this effect on me before. I think she has had such a profound effect on me because I went through the biggest adventure/journey of my life because of this girl. She really does mean allot to me. It’s such a shame she is no longer around to share the memories with.

As time goes on I find memories of our travels together pop into my head. Memories of things we did that I forgot about. Fun times we had. We broke up so soon after we got back we never had a chance to reminisce and talk about the good times we had travelling. I just feel it’s such a shame that I did the biggest thing I have ever done in my life to be with this girl and now I can’t even share the memories with her. I’m not feeling great today.

Over and Out....

Shake your....trout....about.

Edited August 17, 2010 by earthfireuk

August 18, 2010

Today is a day of questions.. they are flying around in my head. I feel like I have so many things to address..

Who am I? Do I have it in me to follow my dreams? Can I make it happen? How do I make it happen? Will I meet someone who loves me like I deserve to be loved? Am I too clingy and afraid of rejection?

How do I improve myself? How can I make myself a better person? Why do I still miss her? Does she miss me? Will she ever contact me again? Do I actually want her to contact me again? If she did how would I respond? All these questions leave me feeling stuck....

I want to go travelling again so much. I just have to get my head down and work to save up. It will take a few months though. I want it to be now. I just feel like I need to get away and do something big and exciting.

I am really feeling the monotony at the moment.

I wake up in the morning.. have a shower.. get ready for work. Go to work... get back... go to the gym.. relax.. then go to bed

Get my point. It’s like groundhog day..

Although I still see my friends and go for drinks ect and have a couple of new hobbies. I just feel that everything is very mundane right now.

I think I’m going to do something fun this weekend. I need to break the cycle. Maybe meet some girls

August 20, 2010

Yesterday was an ok day. I’ve got an evening job at a local pub to help me save for my travels and had my first shift there last night.

It was really strange as I used to work there before I went away with my ex to help me save up for going out to New Zealand to be with her. It was weird as it reminded me of how things were before I left to travel with her. It brought back all the memories of how things used to be and made me feel quite sad.

I can live without her, I feel stronger and there isn’t that cutting pain tears through my heart and soul.. but I still love her. I still feel a weakness in my heart for her...

I keep wondering how she is feeling, what she is thinking. How she feels about what happened with us. I wonder if she is happy with another man. The thought of her with someone else doesn’t seem to hurt as much anymore although it’s not my most favourite of things to think about. I was thinking back to when we used to be together, it seems like such a long time ago now. Like a different life. It’s almost like it didn’t really happen, a dream. It’s hard to believe we were even together.

August 20, 2010

I started to feel a bit disappointed today. Not because I really want to speak to her anymore or anything like that (been there, done that). More because it makes me feel sad that she is quite happy to not have me in her life at all anymore by the looks of things. That makes me sad.

I was beginning to wonder if I didn’t contact her ever again if she would bother to contact me. Who knows??.... I guess she will at some point but I have just been questioning how much she actually cared. I have also been thinking whether the whole experience I had with this girl was actually an illusion? How you can believe someone loves you so much but in reality they can just decide to disappear.
Now Im moving on a bit and feeling better, I feel a little bit silly for believing in our relationship so much and trying to put so much into it.
Was it really all that i thought it was? Was I making it up to be something it wasn’t? Maybe it wasn’t that amazing? I still think it was and could have been but I look back and sometimes think that maybe my idea of how she felt was blown out of preportion. Maybe I overlooked the bad things too much and maybe she didn’t love me as much as I thought she did.

Anyway, I don’t want to dwell on these things. I’m not feeling too bad so it would be silly to dwell. Im just going through a bit of a disappointed stage at the moment.

I deleted her on Facebook today too. There is no point in having her on there and I always have to avoid her profile like the plague which gets a bit annoying after a while. Much better if she isn’t on there.

'

This is exactly how I feel. I dated this girl for 4 years and we always talked about getting married having kids etc. I am disappointed that I still want these things and she is totally fine with not talking to me at all. She hasn't even tried to contact me and she seems to be enjoying her life more than ever. That is the part that hurts the most for me.

August 23, 2010

I thought I was doing ok but a song changed all that.

My thoughts this weekend continued to be normal. Not thinking about her all the time. In fact she is in my thoughts less and less as time goes on. I had a bit of a slip up today though. Last night i was listening to songs on Spotify, researching new artists and I found a song called July Flame by Laura Veirs. I had never heard of her before but this song did something to me. It stirred up my emotions. It’s a really nice song and I just had this overwhelming urge to share it with her. I knew she would love it so... this morning I sent her a link to the album so she could listen to it.

No message, no corny line. Just the link because I thought it was a beautiful song and she would like it. The moment I did it I thought “noooo what have i done” haha. I’m ok now though. I hadn’t even thought or wanted to contact her for the past few weeks. How can a song do that!

I have also noticed that I feel now that I want to meet another girl so much. Is that healthy? I’m not really after anything too serious right away. It just would be nice to meet someone with the same interests who I can be intimate with. It’s been over 3 months since the breakup. Think I’m ready to maybe start something else, if the right person came along that is.

August 23, 2010

Well, you should be. And if you get the opportunity, go on a date or two.

To relapse into old relationships is quite normal, it's your memory spooking things up. It brings up the "good stuff" and forgets the "bad stuff". I know exactly the feeling. I've had 45 days of no contact and I still relapse into moments that I find where great. It's not easy, nobody said it would. But I have moments where I can sit an hour or two and actually be myself without having old thoughts coming up.

You need to find other things to focus on. It's been three months and you should have moments when you occupy your brain with other things. The more you can do this, the better. If you can find another woman to occupy your thoughts - that would be the best. Simply, if another woman can bring joy into your life, you should embrace it. Not push it away.

September 1, 2010

Hi all, i didn't really feel like posting for the past week or so. I was moving past things and just felt I didn't really have much to say that I hadent already said. I have just been getting on with things without too much pain over the breakup. I did go out for a mutual friends birthday party on Saturday and I didn't know she was invited. Luckly she was busy so she didn't go. Her best friend was there and we ended up talking about my ex quite a bit. I told her I was fine with things but just can't speak to her as I don't want to make things hard for myself. She told me my ex just wasn't the one for me. It made me feel strange speaking to someone about it who is so close to my ex. I also asked her if my ex was seeing someone else and she got all uncomfortable and I said I knew she was. She practically told me without saying anything that she was. That made me feel bad but I kind of already knew. Just didn't really need to hear it validated. I shouldn't have asked really. Another mutual friend of ours that I hadn't seen in ages told me that she thinks my ex is a B*itch for what she did to me . She said I did all that for her ( going to new zealand ect) and soon as we get back she dumps me. She said she doesn't want to speak to her anymore. I felt strange hearing this. It was nice to hear someone standing up for me but on the other hand I felt like I should defend my ex. I don't really think she is a B*tch.

I snooped on her FB today... i know that was so silly. I shouldn't have done it although there was nothing to report. Nothing made me feel bad so i guess thats a good thing.

I feel strange at the moment. It's like the girl I loved/love doesn't exist anymore. Even the memories are changing slightly. It's like she has died. I used to feel that even though we had ended that there was this beautiful girl that still existed. Now it's like my mind is telling me that she is no longer a nice person. I feel like she treated me badly and that I imagine her to be just not very nice anymore as a person. im not sure if thats just my minds way of accepting things and also because of everything i have been through I now feel resentment for her. Where I once saw this perfect, amazing girl, I now imagine her to be selfish, negative ect. Im sure she is not but when I think of her thats the image I get. Its wierd. I will be posting on here every day now for a while, i really missed it :)Hope everyone is well xx

September 1, 2010

Hi all, i didn't really feel like posting for the past week or so. I was moving past things and just felt I didn't really have much to say that I hadent already said. I have just been getting on with things without too much pain over the breakup. I did go out for a mutual friends birthday party on Saturday and I didn't know she was invited. Luckly she was busy so she didn't go. Her best friend was there and we ended up talking about my ex quite a bit. I told her I was fine with things but just can't speak to her as I don't want to make things hard for myself. She told me my ex just wasn't the one for me. It made me feel strange speaking to someone about it who is so close to my ex. I also asked her if my ex was seeing someone else and she got all uncomfortable and I said I knew she was. She practically told me without saying anything that she was. That made me feel bad but I kind of already knew. Just didn't really need to hear it validated. I shouldn't have asked really. Another mutual friend of ours that I hadn't seen in ages told me that she thinks my ex is a B*itch for what she did to me . She said I did all that for her ( going to new zealand ect) and soon as we get back she dumps me. She said she doesn't want to speak to her anymore. I felt strange hearing this. It was nice to hear someone standing up for me but on the other hand I felt like I should defend my ex. I don't really think she is a B*tch.

I snooped on her FB today... i know that was so silly. I shouldn't have done it although there was nothing to report. Nothing made me feel bad so i guess thats a good thing.

I feel strange at the moment. It's like the girl I loved/love doesn't exist anymore. Even the memories are changing slightly. It's like she has died. I used to feel that even though we had ended that there was this beautiful girl that still existed. Now it's like my mind is telling me that she is no longer a nice person. I feel like she treated me badly and that I imagine her to be just not very nice anymore as a person. im not sure if thats just my minds way of accepting things and also because of everything i have been through I now feel resentment for her. Where I once saw this perfect, amazing girl, I now imagine her to be selfish, negative ect. Im sure she is not but when I think of her thats the image I get. Its wierd. I will be posting on here every day now for a while, i really missed it :)Hope everyone is well xx

Chin up dude, you're doing great. I've been in your situation a few times over the years, more times than I care to remember, but really NC is the only way to get her out of your system.

Heck I've just been dating a girl for 2 months and she's told me yesterday that she's not feeling it any more, it never gets easier, sadly I have to work with her too, so this will be a challenge, luckily she's on vacation for 2 weeks.

I am pretty cut up about it, she's the first girl I've dated in 2 years and she was everything I wanted, beautiful, intelligent, I thought we got on great, but you really never know what's happening in another person's mind.

You gotta kiss a lot of frogs before your true princess, but you learn something every time you go through this, nobody knows how long it will take, but you need to look after yourself.

September 1, 2010

Well, you should be. And if you get the opportunity, go on a date or two.
.

One warning about this, only do it when you're ready. I've done it before and it just depressed me and made me miss my ex even more, none of the other girls I dated seemed as nice as her, so it actually set me back and made me think I'd never meet anyone as good as her again.

Sign In

My NC LOG

Recommended Posts

earthfireuk

GrayClouds

earthfireuk

earthfireuk

earthfireuk

earthfireuk

earthfireuk

earthfireuk

flyguy23

earthfireuk

bboy

earthfireuk

chocolate_boy

chocolate_boy

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...