spookyloo Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Hi, I am new to this forum, I basically did a search for a releationship forum, to hopefully gain some advice. Okay my marriage has ever been good, but I stayed with the kids. I have always suspected him of having flings, not a full blown affair though. He treats me like something he would scrape off his shoe most of the time, but hey believe it or not, I needed him. But now after 20 years of marriage, I cannot go on like this, its almost like a pretend relationship!! I still wonder every week if he is playing around, its the signs he gives, but then he says im being really paraniod, and probably need to be on meds. Go and see the doctor etc. Sex with him is terrible, and has always been a joke, Im made to feel like a street walker, or sometimes a like rubber doll. Then when i confront him afterwards about it, he looks at me blankly, and gets angry. Ive been with him since I was 18, and now Im 42 with three grown up children. I feel that I dont know how to put one foot infront of the other when it comes to leaving him. I dont know how to do this, and need some ideas. Last year, my laptop broke down, and he lent me his old work one, it was old and hadnt been used for a few months. I only needed it for a few work related issues (my work) I happened to look in his inbox and outbox folders, as I thought Id clear away all the old stuff. Then i spotted an Email, it was in his outbox folder, it read something like "Thanks for last time, it was amazing, cant wait to do it again. Meet me at the hotel" and it went on to say the place and the date, and time. I know he was in that hotel on that date, as he gets booking cards with dates etc on, and leaves them in his away bag. This email wasnt signed, but it had his name at the top of the email. I didnt like the way it was worded, so I rang him while he was in London. And asked what was this email about? I was calm, probably too calm. He started babbling, and instantly became nasty saying we will talk when he comes home, and that he was driving home now even though he was not due home for a few days. He came home, and we carried where we left. He was still very angry, saying that his boss had sent the email, not him, it was to a call girl to meet him in the hotel, it was nothing to do with my husband. But when I asked him why the email was not signed by his boss... as who is this girl to know who the email is from? My husband flipped again, I said I wanted to speak with his boss.. Husband said no, because this boss had left their work place months ago. He went on to say that all his work mates were there in the hotel lobby so I could ask one of them, but this never happened, even after repeated requests from me to talk to one of them. Now my husband has started being aggressive in bed, biting me, and holding my neck. Its almost like he wants to punish me, or remind me that I am much lower than him. God, this is such a mess, but then when I think back, it never was anything but a mess. One I should never of got into. Thanks for reading this.
TaraMaiden Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 For chrissakes! Wait until he is out of the house, then leave - immediately. Confide in a friend, confide in your family - tell someone what you are doing, and ask for some practical help. Take your passport, mobile phone, marriage certificate and bank details. Open a separate account, and move 50% of funds of the joint account into your account. Then destroy all joint account cards and let him deal with the bills. Move out, but leave your mobile phone. Take the memory chip. Get a new phone with a new number. Do something - but go. Contact your children separately and tell them you have left their father and tell them why. TELL THEM WHY. I made the mistake, when my ex- and I separated, of not giving any details to my daughters, and it took me 4 years to get back on track with them. You don't have to get to the nitty-gritty, but let them know what you find intolerable. His lies and his cheating and the way he treats you. Then file for divorce. Do not tell him where you are. That's the practical side. I don't think at this point, you need counselling. Just a sense of direction, and an idea of how to proceed. is any of the above, useful?
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