mybrowneyedgirl Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 seems like some days NC is no big deal and others im simply lost without him. anyone else experience this or know why it happens? why is he heavy on my heart and mind somtimes but other days i dont even consider it???
jj33 Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Thats just the way it is. Thats why people say stay busy find things that really engage you. (sometimes even being with friends isnt enough if your mind is wondering). It will lessen and it will get better. If you look back you can see the change already - he is not constantly on your mind. Its a loss like any other. And you grieve it. Time does heal. I cant even believe how different it feels not to be burdened by the grief of losing the relationship. I am back to being myself again. It took far longer than I would have liked it to, but it does get better. Much better.
jwi71 Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 seems like some days NC is no big deal and others im simply lost without him. anyone else experience this or know why it happens? why is he heavy on my heart and mind somtimes but other days i dont even consider it??? That question can only be answered by you. However, I strongly suspect its because you STILL do NOT know what you want from him. Running hot and cold and without the associated "missing him" or "not". Make a decision and pour 100% of yourself into it. Until you do this does NOT end. Either walk away from him (I get the attraction though - and no, its not healthy for you) or walk towards him. This spinning in circles as you flip-flop between the two is making ME dizzy.
jennie-jennie Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Why are you still in NC? Isn't it time you have a discussion with your MM/exMM?
scatterd Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I believe with any relationship that when you break up you don't totally get over them until you have let go completely.Once you find someone else and you are happy with your self the pain will then end.Every person is different on how long it takes and some relationships take longer depending on how you was treated.Have you gone on any dates?That would keep you busy and help you to feel more desirable.
jwi71 Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Why are you still in NC? Isn't it time you have a discussion with your MM/exMM? I have said that very thing to her at least twice in earlier threads!!! Maybe three times. What we have here is a female Hamlet unsure what to do. Because she STILL cares and is too afraid to act on it. (thats why NC is both hard and easy) ACT would ya? I personally agree with J-J...call him, invite him to dinner. Try and reconnect and recreate the passion that once was. This is YOUR time...YOUR chance to have that future with him. TRY.
Author mybrowneyedgirl Posted July 22, 2010 Author Posted July 22, 2010 well i guess an update is deserved here. i did speak to him. not a big conversation but some small talk. nothing major. we were in a place where we couldnt really talk, but i was overwhelmed by the emotions. in one way i was looking at him with this total admiration and love. just almost watching him thinking "gosh i really love this man." and then i started with the "do you have any idea how much this has hurt me" and i could feel myself being almost angry/happy/sad at the same time. he said "we need to find some time to talk." and i said i'd let him know. the next day i was just beside myself. just those words brought back so much. so much love, so much passion but at the same time so much hurt and betrayal and uncertainty. i cried the entire day. so yes, still sitting on that fence. trying to decide if this is something i can do. letting my guard down and letting him back in also leaves me open for the pain again. i feel like i worked so hard just to be "ok" that im afraid to ever go back there. and so ive spent the last few days telling myself its almost easier to stay NC because i dont have to face all of this....still deciding...
jthorne Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 well i guess an update is deserved here. i did speak to him. not a big conversation but some small talk. nothing major. we were in a place where we couldnt really talk, but i was overwhelmed by the emotions. in one way i was looking at him with this total admiration and love. just almost watching him thinking "gosh i really love this man." and then i started with the "do you have any idea how much this has hurt me" and i could feel myself being almost angry/happy/sad at the same time. he said "we need to find some time to talk." and i said i'd let him know. the next day i was just beside myself. just those words brought back so much. so much love, so much passion but at the same time so much hurt and betrayal and uncertainty. i cried the entire day. so yes, still sitting on that fence. trying to decide if this is something i can do. letting my guard down and letting him back in also leaves me open for the pain again. i feel like i worked so hard just to be "ok" that im afraid to ever go back there. and so ive spent the last few days telling myself its almost easier to stay NC because i dont have to face all of this....still deciding... MBEG, I believe I was a newbie here when you were struggling just to get out of bed over the pain he caused you after D-Day. So why do you struggle with NC? Because you remember that pain. Because you remember some good times, and want to see a person you loved in the best light. Of course, that's going to be a struggle. You want someone to be that wonderful person you loved, yet you remember the pain they put you through, and you wonder just what person they really are? The one worthy of your love, or the one that threw you under the bus? I see some others here basically saying whatever to "push" you into getting back with him. I sit here and remember what kind of man he showed himself to be when he hurt you so badly, and I struggle to understand why they would ever encourage you to ever speak to him again. If someone had hurt me that badly, no way would I ever consider any kind of contact with them ever again. I am simply not that forgiving. I can't and won't tell you what to do. If you think you owe it to him to hear him out, then do what you need to do. But if your gut tells you something, which obviously it is since you are still in NC, then please remember to trust your gut.
Recommended Posts