kahn2154 Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I'm 24 and still live at home with my father, its not because of financial necessity since I've done pretty well for my age, but probably due to a combination of the fact I'm not big on change and both my parents have guilted me into not leaving the nest. First with my mother, she lives reasonably close and just doesn't want me to leave the nest. Has seriously told me I should not consider moving out until I become a millionaire (lol) since it would not be wise from a financial standpoint. Just wants me to live near her for her own selfish reasons since she really has one only one friend and is basically alone and a hermit. She is pretty overbearing and will basically call me and ask where I am if I haven't visited her in a day or two. I have also traveled a lot recently and instead of being encouraging she has been pretty jealous, before I said I was going on the trips she basically downplayed what I had to say saying she wanted to travel at my age also but it never happened. Before the first trip she essentially said 'that's nice', second trip she was honestly nasty and mad I was going, and last trip she said she wants to come with me next time I guy (with me essentially paying for all her travel expenses on top of of having an overbearing mother travel along on a trip heh) Dad wants me to stay for different reasons. He is an immigrant from another country, has recently retired, and basically wants me to house sit for him while he travels to his home country months at a time. Problem with that is he is also overbearing treats me like I"m 12, but has become unbearable since retiring. He has nothing to do and basically bugs me since he is bored and has become like a little child, I work from home on PC so it is also costing me money since it is interfering with my hours. I originally wanted to move out after college, but I was still a scared kid (probably still am now but moreso then) and was easily talked out of it by my mom. I also started thinking about it earlier this year, but I had agreed to house sit for dad, and thought it would be a douche move to move out it since he had already planned his trip and such so stayed once again. On week after he leaves storm tears roof off house, and causes water damage to attic, kitchen, and living room. I spend 3 weeks doing nothing but dealing with insurance and getting house repaired since everything had to be gutted. I cannot wait for him to come back and get the hell out at this point. He comes back earlier than expected and I have another few trips planned so tell myself after them I will move out. The month I am living with him are pure hell, he has turned into a little child, acting like he can't do things on his own and needs his hand held for everything (eg He wants me to go to home depot with him to buy a small can of paint because he can't say small, he's been in this country for nearly 30 years and is pretending he forgot the language. I could go to some middle eastern country and request small can of paint without opening my mouth. Its not a big deal but when you have 5 of these stupid requests a day it really starts to annoy the **** out of me since he is just wasting my time. I have essentially become his personal assistant) So I just came back from my trip and not even 12 hours home and I'm going mad. I'm definitely moving, looking for places starting end of week, especially since traveling alone has instilled me with confidence that I can make it on my own (considering I handle all my affairs in addition to my fathers I probably knew that from before, just more open to change I guess) So today I'm about to leave and I see my dad crying, I think only time I've ever seen him cry before was when his mom died. I ask him whats wrong and he refuses to answer and just tells me to leave, I have to go so when I come back I ask him again like pulling teeth trying to get it out of him. But he basically tells me he's depressed as a result of many things.... He basically brings up me house sitting again and I tell him (like I've told him many times since the first time) I wont' do it again and am moving. This causes him to cry even more and basically states the reasons for his depression include: -Now that he is retired he can't afford to live here, but doesn't want to sell the house cause market sucks. He plans on moving back to his home country where he has apartment, but is leasing it out till October right now, and after that needs to do some construction. Wants me to commit to live there till at least through end of year, I refuse....then says the rent he collects from people downstairs will cover mortgage, but he can't afford utilities, wants me to pay around $500 a month in utilities till end of year, I agree to pay whether or not I live there...Tells me I'm an idiot for wanting to move out since I have it so good here, don't have to pay anything, etc. -Goes on rant which is basically life passes before your eyes and then you are left with just having to pay medical bills and getting tests, tells me to live my life even though neither of my parents will let me -Tells me he is all alone (even though he has wife in another country) and doesn't want me to leave, I bring up the fact he is not alone and he has no problem leaving country and leaving me alone with house....he changes subject -Starts crying again and says how he has always helped me paying for braces/surgery, etc when he had no money.....at this point I start tearing up because I'm going to be guilted into staying again... -Also kept randomly bring up about how if I want to buy a condo (which I don't) he'll help me out which is weird considering he has problem with me moving out and renting but not buying and also can't afford $500 in utilities but plans on helping me buy condo? So yah, I have no life, I'm a hermit, and I have no possibility of having a life while living near my parents. My psychologist has all but told me to get as far away from them as I can, telling me to essentially move across the country. But I keep being guilted into staying, I'm scared I'll leave my mom alone thinking it will be basically like abandoning her, and now I have this crap from my dad. So right now my choices seem to be either leave and attempt to live life while screwing over parents, or stay miserable while being parents life support.
TaraMaiden Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Basically, if you wanted to enough - you'd leave. If your psychologist is telling you to move out as far away as you can - and you're ignoring him/her - then what makes you think anything we say will change your mind? Your parents aren't actively doing anything to prevent you moving out. All they're doing is emotionally blackmailing you. You've made your choice. Stick around until neither of them are here any more. Then, you'll get your independence. You either have to man up, or give up. That's it.
TouchedByViolet Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Blaming your parents for not letting you move out is BS. You should be blaming yourself. Your parents won't respect you if you can't stand up for yourself.
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