drewsmom Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Husband and I were married for almost 10 yrs and with each other for 20. have one child a son 6 yrs old, husband called me late january and said he wanted a divorce were both in our early 40s, he wasnt happy, I did everything a mother and wife was supose to do so really I wasnt taking any of the blame, his family and friends said he was the idiot it was his fault and he needed therepy, I mean I did it all and when they say my wife didnt do things sexually thats why I cheated thats bull, I think I did to much and there wasnt any excitement left for him, ended up finding out he had a gf, not suprised, usually no one leaves without someone. I was distraught for a week and a half, went to the docs put me on sleeping pills and the lexapro. the thing that snapped me out of it was my 6 yr old son, a week and a half after husband left my son said to me mommy you havent cooked a good dinner in a long time, after he said that to me I snapped out of my depression we got in the car went to the market and I started being the mother that I was supose to be, friends asked me if I talked to the husband and begged him to come back, hell no you know if i put all my energy into chasing him down and begging who suffers my son would, if husband didnt want to leave he wouldnt have, I dont want him here if I have to beg him to come here, and as for the gf I really dont blame her because if it wasnt her it would be someone else, I feel stronger due to the fact that i had both my parents pass away when i was in my twenties they passed 3 yrs apart in there early 50s. I loved and lost alot in my life. My son pulled me through this and is still doing so, we have always been close I mean when i was married my husband didnt do much with us anyway, so it isnt any different going to parties alone. I look at as I have the best part of my ex, I have my son. I have been asked out a few times already but not interested I want to concentrate on my son and myself now, we go out almost every day. he doesnt seem to bothered by his dad not being around because really he didnt do much with us anyway. My ex calls now more than ever, only because he was a control freak and he hates not knowing where we are. my son invited him to dinner the other nite and he didnt hesitate to come. I didnt mind I want to be civil in front of my son. my son was sick with mono last week and he came and sat with him for an hour or so a few nites, I liked it because he never really spent much time with him so mabey a divorce will be the best for my son because now it forces him to spend time with him. I have great friends and family so we are blessed there. I do however love the fact that we both lost weight, he lost way to much I lost just enough for everyone to say wow you look great, and when they see him they say he looks terrible. the best revenge I think is living your life, and my son needs me at this time just as i need him, my husbands parents were divorced and his mother didnt care about the boys feelings only about what she would do next to try to get the father back,or what she was gonna do to his personal property, cops were always there, the boys seen this and I think its a big reason my ex is selfcentered and i dont want my son growing up like that. I hope whoever reads this going through a divorce and have children will think about it and what divorce does to the children. we are the adults and should be able to handle things, there only children and have needs, if your to busy laying around worrying about the a hole that left the family behind then who will be there to support the child that is there with you.
wrencn Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Welcome to LS, Drewsmom. I really like your post. I am so thankful for my boys because they have been my reasons for not allowing myself to get to depressed and when I was afraid I wasn't going to make it I got help because I didn't want them to see me crying on the couch all day long. My husband has never really been an active dad, more of a couch potato, but now that we are separated I've been getting out with the kids more. There is no guilt holding me back. Its funny though, on Sunday he said he was jealous because the kids and I had plans every day he texted my son. I guess he thought we were just going to sit at home and be miserable. Now he's trying to be super dad and take the boys places, which is fine. I don't care if he's trying to compete with me so long as my children benefit Your strength and outlook is very inspiring.
Author drewsmom Posted July 21, 2010 Author Posted July 21, 2010 thank you wrencn, I am glad your ex is putting more of an effort when it comes to your boys, especially boys need there dads. My ex gets jealous of my brother because we are always over there with his family and my brother is the biggest male role model for my son, I mean he was the one we went fishing with first, hiking, ex never went fishing with him, i did all the firsts with him. mine gets mad because my son will want to come home the nites he is supose to stay with him, and my son will tell you his father dont do anything with him, i will tell him tell daddy to take you to the movies he says daddy wont he dont do anything with me you do. my ex wants him only friday nites brings him home sat at 2 and thats fine with me, at first i was pissed he wasnt spending enough time with him, but you cant force them to be good fathers, but when my son doesnt answer the phone when he calls i also say i cant force him to talk to his dad either. works both ways. I dont have the energy to fight im to old, those days of begging are gone that was a think i did in my teens and twenties, have better things to do now. I will survive as you will. our strength is our children, we can replace the ex's I could never replace my son, and i wont miss a day of him growing up worrying about what the ex is doing. The grow up to fast as it is.
califnan Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 What a Beautiful Story ... And yes, it is a great reminder to all parents going through a divorce, or not.. Embrace your Children! they are the fruit of your relationship.. and a True Blessing.. My sons were over ten yrs older than your son, at the time of the divorce.. .. and we have always had a strong loyal bond.. Their father is deceased now.. It is true, the best revenge or whatever .. is to pick up the pieces and to live your life the best you can.. (I can tell from what you have said, that your husband is having regrets - anyway) ...
Recommended Posts