zengirl Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 (edited) Personally, I wouldn't go on a date with anyone I haven't done video chat with first. Mainly because in my experience, people can be so diferent from their photos as far as the whole package goes, but video doesn't lie. But you have an issue with trusting people and picking partners, as demonstrated by your other posts, which would utterly turn me off in a fellow (No offense to you -- really, just. . . I can't deal with that in guys). Besides, video still lies. I video chat with my friends back home and I know they look different in person. But, it's more accurate, sure. I look better on video than in pictures, and best in person, so I've no issues in terms of how I look . . . I just have issues with THAT much scrutiny on how I look. My attitude is: "The gist is in my pictures; the rest will be chemistry you cannot assess via video anyway. And if you find me interesting enough, you have 30 minutes to meet me at Starbucks. At worst, maybe we can be friends." I do prefer to be liked as much for my mind, as my looks. Which is what I happen to like about online dating. I've found mostly guys who think my interests are way cool and treat me as a person when they actually meet me, rather than a pretty girl. I hate being treated like a pretty girl (That's just me) unless I know a guy really well. Wonder if this is a new trend. I've never been asked to video chat. I have been asked for extra pictures, twice, and just ignored both guys and blocked them. I've also never had anyone complain about what I look like vs. my picture. And, if it was obvious someone used a fake picture (No matter what they really looked like), I'd end the date right there. Edited July 28, 2010 by zengirl
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Untouchable - I'm not even doing online dating for now anyway, or dating at all! But then again I'm leaving Georgia as soon as I've saved up money so there's no point, as I don't do casual relationships. Good luck getting out of Georgia! I've met some really nice people from that state. I was going to explain why I think video chat, pre-date is a dumb idea. I think ZG just explained it well. Dating takes some trust right from the start.
SassyKitten Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 That could so easily be another thread in and of itself, trusting that is, and some of my posts have helped with that one. I've been one to trust way too quickly in relationships and get burned, badly. I'm too tired to post everything I'm looking for in a man, but it is very specific, not that that is a bad thing as I'm a very unique individual. So when I do find someone who fits what I'm looking for, I get too attached for my own good. Whoever designed eggs to have a limited shelf life while designing sperm to have an unlimited shelf life has a lot to answer for! That said, it would be so nice to find someone who loves travelling like I do, wants kids, works hard like me, and envisions "settling down" as taking the kids on safari instead of settling for the zoo and everything else that goes along with "settling down" in the white picket fence-ish sense. And I have had the experience of having to end the date before because he looked nothing like his photo. Not pleasant.
zengirl Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 And I have had the experience of having to end the date before because he looked nothing like his photo. Not pleasant. Eh, me too, once. But it wasn't a big deal. I just said, "You didn't look like your photo. What's up with that?" He said, "Yeah, that's from like 5 years ago." I said, "Well, you really shouldn't put up dishonest photos. No thanks on the coffee." (paraphrased) And then I went and grabbed a drink with a friend. And we told some jokes about it. I guess, it just depends on what's a big deal to you. For me, a wasted 5 minutes or so, isn't a big deal.
TaurusTerp Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I urge you to read the following link from Atlantic monthly. It is written by Ta-Nehisi Coates, focusing on dating prospects for black women in the online community. http://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2010/03/the-black-damsel-in-dating-distress/37085/ I am a black female who met my boyfriend through online dating. In fact, I received close to 50 e-mail prospects per day. No, I'm not lying. They key to my success was originality. Unfortunately, many stereotypes are half-truths and it easy for anyone to be defined through them. I avoided infamous 'booty shots' or slang. I detailed my unique interests, including yoga, Japanese culture, and architecture. I marketed myself as someone cultured, yet unpretentious; fun, yet serious. After a while, guys became approachable on the sites. I transformed from a black girl to a girl who happened to be black. Best of luck to you! if you think originality is the key to success. There is perhaps 1 male on earth that doesn't exclusively click on girls he's attracted to. I'm actually in a city with >50% african americans. I've only dated one in 6 years, and she barely counts since she's french. I think the main thing really is weight....my city is pretty unhealthy to begin with, but it seems like 9/10 black women are obese (I believe 67% of the population is overweight anyway). I think most guys don't have an objection to dating a black girl, but we're all very very shallow and the fact of the matter is that weight is important to us .
Sanman Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 TaurusTerp, There are women of every thnicity that are overweight. I feel the bigger issue is simply the common conception of beauty in this country is caucasian and the further you get from this, the less attractive you are (in general). I have seen this in action. My tanner skin tone made me much more popular in southern Italy than I have ever been in this country. However, the people there tan constantly to have a skin tone like mine. I have had women ask after me before, but never that many. It actually became somewhat comical and I was ribbed endlessly by my family.
Chicago_Guy Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Eh, me too, once. But it wasn't a big deal. I just said, "You didn't look like your photo. What's up with that?" He said, "Yeah, that's from like 5 years ago." I said, "Well, you really shouldn't put up dishonest photos. No thanks on the coffee." (paraphrased) And then I went and grabbed a drink with a friend. And we told some jokes about it. I guess, it just depends on what's a big deal to you. For me, a wasted 5 minutes or so, isn't a big deal. How much different did he look? Some people don't seem to age very quickly until they just hit a wall one day and rapidly start to look much older.
aerogurl87 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I did online dating and I got lots of interested guys, some of which claimed they didn't want to date a black girl, but still showed me some interest. Just write whoever your interested in and go from there, who knows they may change their mind. P.S. I found my boyfriend through an online dating/social site and he's white and I'm black, so there's hope.
TaurusTerp Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 TaurusTerp, There are women of every thnicity that are overweight. I feel the bigger issue is simply the common conception of beauty in this country is caucasian and the further you get from this, the less attractive you are (in general). I have seen this in action. My tanner skin tone made me much more popular in southern Italy than I have ever been in this country. However, the people there tan constantly to have a skin tone like mine. I have had women ask after me before, but never that many. It actually became somewhat comical and I was ribbed endlessly by my family. ? People tan in the US constantly. I think the overwhelming majority of people prefer non-pasty people. Israeli girls And yes, there are women of every ethnicity that are overweight....it just seems to be an epidemic among black women. What I'm saying is that many guys, in my opinion, don't object to black women - just overweight ones.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 That could so easily be another thread in and of itself, trusting that is, and some of my posts have helped with that one. I've been one to trust way too quickly in relationships and get burned, badly. I'm too tired to post everything I'm looking for in a man, but it is very specific, not that that is a bad thing as I'm a very unique individual. So when I do find someone who fits what I'm looking for, I get too attached for my own good. Whoever designed eggs to have a limited shelf life while designing sperm to have an unlimited shelf life has a lot to answer for! That said, it would be so nice to find someone who loves travelling like I do, wants kids, works hard like me, and envisions "settling down" as taking the kids on safari instead of settling for the zoo and everything else that goes along with "settling down" in the white picket fence-ish sense. And I have had the experience of having to end the date before because he looked nothing like his photo. Not pleasant. SK, I completely understand where your coming from on this. We all have emotional walls to keep us from getting hurt. It's where you put your walls that matter. You seem to keep yours very far out. Many think that's great because it screens people and turns away the bad ones. I suggest you bring those walls in a ways. See you can trust people for things that can't hurt you... like booting a date because he used fake pictures. It's annoying for sure, but it won't keep you up and night crying. Don't let guys into a place where they can hurt you for a long time.... get to know them first, make them show effort. Then you can know much better if they are worthy of your trust. Also... I tossed my checklist. It makes me blind to who a woman really is... instead I just see what I perceive as individual traits I want or don't wan't. This last round I feel like I'm much better at getting to the core of who she is.
zengirl Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 ? People tan in the US constantly. I think the overwhelming majority of people prefer non-pasty people. Israeli girls And yes, there are women of every ethnicity that are overweight....it just seems to be an epidemic among black women. What I'm saying is that many guys, in my opinion, don't object to black women - just overweight ones. I believe she's speaking to Caucasian features, which are not the same as the coloring. (Also: People don't tend to tan to ebony. That point is rather moot.) I'm not a black woman, so I'm hesitant to speak to them, but there is an issue even with black models that they're often picked for their semi-Caucasian features, rather than more traditional African American features, thus re-enforcing a stereotypical ideal of beauty even amongst African Americans, most of whom have different features (on average). I don't know if that came out right. But it's not just about color.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 That point is rather moot.) I'm not a black woman, so I'm hesitant to speak to them, I know what you meant, but I had to point it out.
zengirl Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I know what you meant, but I had to point it out. Yes, I was caught between saying "speak to their experiences" and "speak for them." My bad.
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