SadKitty78 Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 I really really liked this one! He was the one who, when my ex (the one I wrote extensively about on here about wanting to get back with) finally DID come back and pleaded me to get back with him (ironic how they come back the moment you truly move on), I said no so I could be with this one! Our emotional connection was strong, our physical chemistry was unheard of and we just had fun around each other. I came into this with no expectations, but of course, after our all night sessions of pouring our hearts out about our hopes, dreams, fears, and goals (things I never talked about with the other ex), I wanted this to last as long as it could! I was hooked and I was adoring this guy. He was working on his doctorate and everything just seemed great! But as time went on, I noticed that while he was always seemingly happy, almost too fun and mischievous at times, had a dark self destructive streak. He had boyish good looks even in his late '20s, and these piercing blue eyes that made you question how it was possible that he had some dark dark places inside of him! It turned out he had been sent to rehab at 15, dealt with sobriety for many years, but relapsed, one blackout session to the next, then he got a DUI (driving under the influence) and moved to my area for rehab and sober living. By the time he met me, was on a drinking binge again, had just come home from a trip to a tropical beach island in SE Asia where he drank and partied on the beach. At first I didn't think he drank more than any of my friends, but overtime, I found myself drinking more and more with him and then culminating in one night where he, while in blackout mode, put us into a pretty risky situation and acted as if I wasn't with him! That lead to me leaving, him begging and promising to work on sobriety, I stayed and for a week and a half we did healthy activities like hiking, meditation, working out, and then...then he suddenly pushes me away, makes up lies about where he was. He said he was going to stay in one night but he was actually out with his friends drinking! I confronted him on this and that lead to him telling me he was not in a place to be in a relationship right now (which I pretty much agree) and that he had too many issues to work out and didn't want to lead me on! I'm truly devastated. He has hurt many women in his path, a strewn of women he loved and left, even one he was in a long term relationship with during his sobriety period...just one after another, he'd get close and leave them. I thought I was different, that we would be different, but I was wrong. Oh so wrong..... And while I had wanted to end things this weekend, I couldn't do it, so I passively let him initiate, but it's breaking my heart! I'm hurting and it's going to be sooo hard to get over it....
Author SadKitty78 Posted July 21, 2010 Author Posted July 21, 2010 My question is, while I know I should be doing NC, is it alright to keep in touch with him to see how he's doing? I really care about his recovery and him working on himself, but not at own emotional expense. Not sure what to do!
GrayClouds Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 My question is, while I know I should be doing NC, is it alright to keep in touch with him to see how he's doing? I really care about his recovery and him working on himself, but not at own emotional expense. Not sure what to do! No it will only lead him on. Your boy pickier need some working on, it time to figure out why that is.
monkeymaid Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 werd ...i suspect youll be over this one before too long so whats next kitty? ...nice 2 see you again
Author SadKitty78 Posted July 21, 2010 Author Posted July 21, 2010 Well I should've read this article before dating this guy!!! Makes sense he dumped me when drinking created a rift between us (#5) and tried to convince me he could be sober for a whole week (#3) and was in denial most of the time (#2) and of course, convincing me to drink (4)! http://personals.aol.com/articles/2010/03/09/5-signs-youre-dating-an-alcoholic/ Have you just started dating a guy or gal for whom the word "fun" was invented? Someone who's always the life of the party? Caution: You might very well be dating someone with an addiction problem! I have a friend, "Sherry," who fell for a guy who liked to party. A lot. When they first started dating, he was willing to do activities and events that she liked to do, many non-alcohol-related. But as they continued to see each other, gradually everything became about spending all their free time "relaxing" on his boat. They would anchor in a local body of water, and party for several hours -- drink, play loud music, drink, dance a bit, go for frequent dips, drink, sit and watch the other boaters. And drink. Now, there's nothing wrong with enjoying this activity occasionally. But Sherry began skipping her preferred activities in favor of boating -- every weekend. She found her own consumption levels creeping up. And when she tried to gently point out that he might want to cut back, she was met with resistance and denial on his part. When they eventually parted, his addictive behavior and refusal to face it were a big part of the breakup. And Sherry struggled with many doubts and second-guessing about her own choices in the relationship. So, before you find yourself falling for Mr. or Ms. Life of the Party, take a look at our 5 top signs you're dating an alcoholic: 1. Time to drink! It's a major alcoholism red flag if your new sweetie seems to plan his or her life around the opportunity to drink. Everything centers on drinking or an excuse to drink: When he comes home, he always must have a cocktail -- or two or three -- to "calm down" from his stressful day; she's a regular on the happy-hour circuit, knowing which places have the best deals on which days. 2. Problem? What problem? Denial -- which is defined as "refusal to see or acknowledge the truth" -- can be a huge sign of an addiction problem. If you mention that the person should maybe cut back or even just question his/her drinking levels, you'll be met with silence, mocking, hostility, turning it around on you, or some sort of reaction meant to deflect the underlying truth that you're dating an alcoholic. 3. See, I stopped – for a week. Another alcoholic behavior is swinging between over-consumption and abstinence -- but never a happy medium. If your guy or gal just can't seem to master the art of "moderation," then he or she likely has an "addictive" type of personality; and addiction often follows for those who are not willing to take the necessary precautions to deal with this genetic flaw. 4. Here, honey, have another one. If you find yourself being pushed -- either overtly or subconsciously -- to drink more and more in an effort to keep up, this is the time to say, "Whoa!" The last thing you want to do is develop a drinking problem of your own! 5. Things just aren't working out. And, finally, your darling might very well cut you loose if his or her alcoholism becomes enough of an issue between you. A list of other "problems" will be presented: He'll tell you he's not ready for a commitment; she'll say her job is just too demanding at this point. Or they'll pick at small, inconsequential things in order to create a rift as an excuse to break up. And guess what? You'll be way better off ... in the end. As for Sherry, she's still single and dating -- with a recovered sense of self-confidence and a finer-tuned radar for the signs of alcoholism in her new dates!
Author SadKitty78 Posted July 21, 2010 Author Posted July 21, 2010 No it will only lead him on. Your boy pickier need some working on, it time to figure out why that is. You are absolutely correct! It's not even about the men I choose anymore, it's what my issues are! Maybe I'm a fixer!
Author SadKitty78 Posted July 21, 2010 Author Posted July 21, 2010 werd ...i suspect youll be over this one before too long so whats next kitty? ...nice 2 see you again Hi Monkeymaid!!!! Missed ya! I think while this one hurts, I will get over pretty quickly because he clearly is an alcoholic and has stuff to work on and isn't even capable of being in a relationship right now! Still hurts though... I'm good! What have you been up to? I see you've been dating quite a bit? How's that going? How are you doing getting over the ex? It's mid/late July and yet, in NorCal, it is freezing! I want to be on a tropical beach somewhere enjoying the sun!!!
monkeymaid Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 my thioughts are that you need a break from men atm to delve into yourself. i hate dating. its no bueno. tropical sounds great! ill meet you there. no alcyholics please. that picker needs a tuneup. ive been bartending lately and while some of the most beautiful sexy women have walked in the bar, i refuse to hang out with any of them fro more than 1 night. ...hehe ex called a few more time, some texts, i just ignored. im prertty good and over it by now. ...the only test left is to see her face to face. which will happen here in about a month. getting my little business refined and more organized. ...its called Fitness Trek Adventures and the new pilot program goes out on august 14th and its all booked up! ... and i am leaving for thta trip i told you about on the 17th of august. ..the solo trip up mt whitney. im going to try to take pics as im running well see how that goes. ....im still waiting on that itinerary fromn you. ..u just disappeared to date your latest beau. no messages nothing. its ok i got over it. so what are you going to do next?
Author SadKitty78 Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 Monkeymaid! This is my 5 day Japan Itinerary based on info given to me by people on message boards and my own research: Of course party time hasn't been included in this but that's a given! Japan in 5 days: You should definitely get a Japan Rail pass. It's really convenient and you can ride unlimited on any of the Japan Rail trains, including the bullet train. If you're doing Tokyo and Kyoto, then you should try to see Asakusa (temple, Asahi beer building), Ginza, Shibuya, Shinjuku (go to the top of the gov't tower building; it's free), the Emperor's palace, and Akihabara (electric town -- more gizmos than you can imagine). For Kyoto, temples are the thing to see, recommended are Kiyomizu temple, Nijo castle, Kinkakuji (golden pavilion), Toji, and a hike up Daimon (the mountain with the big 大 on it). Get dinner somewhere in Gion near Pontocho. Hiroshima has some interesting sites for a history and military history buff like myself. The Peace museum and the A-Bomb dome. Yyou can take a ferry out to Miyajima, which has a shrine with a gorgeous red Shinto gate out on the water. I am also looking into Thailand! I might just go to Kho Phangan and hang out on the beach!!!!!!!!!! http://www.phangan.info/ Wanna come?! Anyway, you sound like you're in a good place! Where are you bartending at? Wait, you might not want to announce it here since people might find out who you are! lol Try and post pix! Do you have a blog or something?! I'd love to hear how that goes! I'm excited about your Mt. Whitney "expedition"! Talk soon!
Author SadKitty78 Posted July 25, 2010 Author Posted July 25, 2010 I spoke too damn soon! Ugh, I'm sitting here on a Saturday afternoon thinking about what he's up to, how's he doing in school, his recovery, whether he's moved on already or whether he's thinking about me! It's been a week and last night I went out with some friends and one of my friend's friend asked me for my number and just kept trying to talk to me and get to know me, and I just felt disgusted because I'm not over him yet! I'm proud of myself for telling the guy I'm taking a break from dating to focus on myself! Ugh I just texted him which I know I shouldn't be doing! Sigh....this sux!
monkeymaid Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 sounds like fun! in my opinion, some self love would do you good. ...introspective life evaluating type, not the other. ...that will help too, but later. is it booked? when do you leave? that sounds like a whole lot of fun. do you have pics of your travels? ...u dont have to be in them, im just curious to see the places. ...if i didnt start this business, i would trek out there in september. ...actually, i plan on expanding my project to include that type of travel incorporated with fitness in the next 2 years give or take a year (probably give). you can send me itineraries to check out and ill explore the areas for adventure and fitness related activities. thetn set up an expedition and training regimin for the people who sign up to go! ...trainers get paid, i get to travel and make money, fitness clubs get free marketing, the economy gets a miniscule boost, and everyone wins!! i love this stuff!!! sorry for the tangent. as for the rebound. ...cuz it is a rebound. its hi time you loved yourself by yourself. get excited to live kitty. stare yourself in the mirror and ask if you feel happy to be you. if you cant say abso****inglutely, its time to get cracking. no more outside validation. only intrinsic motivation now. find it. run, you will feel it. hike and the sun on your face will make it shine get a tan at the beach. ..the burn will be the pain that hurts so good. get a hand drum and beat on it till your hands hurt and your heart rings with joy. talk to old people, they have so much to share about everything. play with a child, they know how to have a genuine good time all by themselves. accept people for their faults. love your ex because he is an ass. ..love this rebound because hes a drunk. thank everything for the lessons they teach, for the energy they send your way. ....what else is there to do? i guess you could cry. ...go cry kitty, then wipe away your tears, and get on with your life. its amazing and beautiful and so worth smiling about. and get off your ass and go to the gym! time to buy another dress and flaunt that ****! shake your ass, stare down a complete stranger and make him think about you for the next week but do not talk to him! just acertain that your tools still work and you can use them when you want to and when youre ready. i gotta go out now . ...ill respond to your pm later
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