Can't get over ex girlfriend, should i try to get her back>

[BigProc]

Basically I split up with my girlfriend of 1 year 2 month ago, we lived together for 5 month. We decided to call it a day mutually because we were both arguing all the time, despite this we had some amazing times and they are sticking in my head. I moved back to my parents and so did she hers. We made the silly mistake of keeping regular contact via phone and text and occasionally meeting up for sex. Big mistake. I started to realise i wanted her back, I always knew that I loved her. After about a monthI tried to get back with her but despite she saying she loves me she kept saying shes unsure cos she was scared. After a while she stopped contacting me and ignoring my texts, i started to suspect she was seeing an ex of hers,which was comfirmed by a mutual friend a couple of week later. This made me sick to stomach and made me very ill. I decided not to contact her and I also went out and met somebody very nice. She is a lovely girl who seems very keen but i just cant get ex out of my head. Out of the blue other night my ex text me saying she missed me and wanted to meet up. After a heart to heart about who we had slept with we aranged to meet but the next day she again refused to answer my texts. (she was drunk when she contacted me by the way). I know shes still seeing that other bloke and she says shes using him to get over me. I think shes playing me. PLEASE HELP.

[GrayClouds]

You seem to be say the break-up was logical because you were fight all the time but now she is with someone before you are you want her back.

 

What would change if you did get back together?

 

I looks like she has move on, there is nothing you can do about that. Read the following to help you do the same:

 

So you want a second chance?

[BigProc]

I was hoping we would both see the error of our ways. I didnt contact her for a few days, then she txt me last thusday saying how much she missed me and wanted to meet up (she'd had a few drinks) naturally that got my hopes up and we were txting for a couple of hours, but the next day she started completely blanking me again. She started txt very short blunt txts again and eventually stopped replying altogether. It knocked me for 6 and set me back to square 1. I was hoping the other guy would be just some kind of re bound thing and would soon realise.

[BigProc]

any1 else please feel free to post some advice. Could really do with as much as possible at the moment. Thanks

[GrayClouds]

Sorry BP, but it sounds like any contact now is just causing you more pain and stroking her ego. She knows how you feel and she knows where you live, if she was interested she would show up at your door, not text you.

 

As long as she knows your waiting for her, there is no reason to change what she is doing. At best she telling you that your her fall back position, second choice to the fun she is having now.

 

It is really hard, but slowly you got to let go. Your suffering while she is having fun. You deserve better.

[BigProc]

Thanks for post GC. Yeah I know your right deep down and I would be saying same to some1 else, I suppose its just hard to put into practise. Its a little harder at moment cos i should be on holiday with her now with my daughter, but shes taken her sister instead. Im quite good at the not texting and iv deleted her as afriend on facebook,but iv got a stupid habit of asking a mutual friend questions about her all time and trying to get information. Iv met some1 recently and in past experiences that has usually helped me get over an ex pretty quick, a little bit like it seams to have for her. But this time it doesnt seem to be working and it is making me think of my ex more

[GrayClouds]

Thanks for post GC. Yeah I know your right deep down and I would be saying same to some1 else, I suppose its just hard to put into practise. Its a little harder at moment cos i should be on holiday with her now with my daughter, but shes taken her sister instead. Im quite good at the not texting and iv deleted her as afriend on facebook,but iv got a stupid habit of asking a mutual friend questions about her all time and trying to get information. Iv met some1 recently and in past experiences that has usually helped me get over an ex pretty quick, a little bit like it seams to have for her. But this time it doesnt seem to be working and it is making me think of my ex more

 

Your trying to avoid the a pain rather then push through it. It means your not ready yet, that you have something to learn about yourself through this break-up. Besides it is not fair for the other person if they hoping your available, our pain is ours to recover from, it is selfish to use other to do it for us.

 

Are you doing the other things included with NC? They ae a very good way to move through the pain:

 

The No Contact Guide

So you want a second chance?

 

You are strong enough to do so.

 

PS. Tell the friend it is not easy, you rather not talk about and repaet it until they get it or start question the quality for the friendship if they dont.

[BigProc]

Just updating my thread which I started a few week back. Its now been 3 week to the day of absolute no contact. Im not for 1 minute niave enough to think I should be over her in this time. But should I be starting to feel better now? because im not.I still think of her every minute of the day, I still hope and pray shes gonna contact me again and Im still dreaming of her every night. Iv been on a couple of dates and nothing is helping me take my mind off her. I was only with her a year but we did everything together and also lived together. After breaking up in a previous relationship of 5 years, when I started dating again it helped take my mind off her so quickly, but this time nothing seems to be working. Any comments much appreciated.

[TaraMaiden]

you were together a year and you think 3 weeks will do it?

They say it takes proportionately a third of the time you went out with someone, to get over them completely, and become indifferent, if you were the one who was dumped.

so you need to give this a while longer.

 

And remember, getting over somebody does not entail doing things as a diversion, or to get your mind off them.

it entails doing things because you're living a new life without any boundaries except the ones you set yourself.

 

Don't do things in an effort to replace.

Do things in an effort to grow.

 

But stay NC, and stop counting the days.

It just holds you back.

(You think for one second she's counting? Yeah, right.)

[BigProc]

Thanks for reply. Yeah I didn't for 1 minute think I should be completley over her, I was just wondering if by now I should be starting to feel a little better. The time 'im thinking of her, dreaming of her etc just doesn't seem to be decreasing. I also nearly had a relapse so to speak yesterday and was going to mail her on fb, but in the end I stopped myself.

[EthanH]

thing is, look at it this way, you say you had a relapse... think how much this hurts you... and then think, if she really cares about you as you hope she does, she must be feeling that pain, yet she can do something about it (ie decide she still likes you and will contact you)... it is probably a bit of a weird way to think it, but every time you feel low, every time you miss her, just content yourself on the fact that she will be feeling the same, that is it she cares as much as you. And if she isn't, and she doesn't care, then you are fawning over something which you overestimated, and thus, it should be easier to get over.

 

Every time you miss her, just think of her doing the same, and the most time she spends missing you, the more likely she is to act on her feelings. Maybe it's naive, maybe it's delusional, but I think it is a good way of taking a positive out of your sadness, and it will help until things become totally 100% clear over if it is over for good or not.

[Don Ho]

Hey Big. I can understand your confusion and your hurt. It does get easier and better as time passes bro. Good job in not contacting her on FB. It would have started it all over again for you. If you feel that urge, write an email (that you never send), make a diary (that you never send) go out, go do some cardio, something. As soon as I started to think about my Ex I would try to tell myself "stop". You might try that too. As soon as your mind starts thinking of her, just think stop before it gets started in your mind. I would say either way you want it to go, you have to continue with NC.

 

I think you made a bit of a blunder when she contacted you when she was drunk. It was OK that she contacted you and I think you should have been more reserved. Go re-read the links to CaliGuy's articles. Don't forget, you have to do NC AND you have to be very strategic in how you respond and at what level when they do contact. It really is a 3 step process, NC, response, reconciliation. Get it wrong at any step and you're done.

 

Anyway I would have either responded that nite or the next day "Thanks, thinking of you too". THAT'S it!! Then you go NC and wait for her to come back with more. You should not have been texting for 2 hours, it was TOO much too soon, so she retreated (which she might have done anyway). That said, I think you have to continue NC and MOVE ON with your life. If she does contact, go SLOW. The other guy could be a rebound or it may not work out for them. If you play your cards right, you may stir emotions in her so she wants you instead. Move forward and continue NC. You'll be fine if she ends up not coming back. Promise.

[BigProc]

Thanks for replys. Ethan I might try that, if anything it could give me some comfort when i,m feeling sad. Thanks for reply don, reading that really helped me a lot. When she text saying miss you, thats exactly how I replied, with a miss you too. It was then her instigating all the text. She was texting me straight back sounding really keen, which I suppose drew me in. As the conversation went on we were both sending really long, in depth texts. Saying that, I think next time I would have handled it differently.

[BigProc]

Ouch!!! Massive spanner been thrown in the works. I owed my ex money and after over 3 weeks nc, she turned up at my door out of blue for the money. I didnt mind paying the money, but its roused old feelings and knocked me back to square 1 again. At this present moment I feel sick to my stomach, like theworld has fallen on my shoulders. Its made me so tired I just wana sleep rest of this year through. OUCH THE PAIN :(

[BigProc]

Anyone feel free to comment. Iknow theres not a lot anyone can say right now. But it gives me comfort reading other peoples opinions

[leftfield]

Anyone feel free to comment. Iknow theres not a lot anyone can say right now. But it gives me comfort reading other peoples opinions

 

I understand what you mean by this, I've just been reading this thread and thought, ah, there are more poor suckers out there feeling the way I do right now. But talking through it like this is important, it really is.

 

I broke up just over a month ago and it still hurts every day. I tried the no contact thing and it seemed to help to an extent, but then I broke it, and the pain all came flooding back again. I think there's only acceptance and moving on that can really fix it - not necessarily with someone else, just accepting that you're single - but that's incredibly difficult unless you want to accept that's it's over. Which I don't at the moment, no matter how many times I tell myself it is.

 

I'm advocating all this from a completely hypocritical position of course. Like a base jumper telling you to be careful crossing the road. I've broken NC several times, I've even started to call it 'NC', like I'm some sort of forum regular that knows the lingo. I'm not, this is not me. I'm here because I'm in pain and I don't know where else to go, there's no hospital for broken hearts. But I can see why they call it a broken heart, what the hell is that pain you feel in the chest when you think about her, seriously? WTF?

 

I even know what you mean about the money thing, I owe mine quite a bit too, which she has been pretty good about so far, but sooner or later that particular knife will cut through me as well. I intend to pre-empt it by getting her bank details by text and simply transferring the money, but that won't buy me any respite from the loss.

 

She broke NC today (after about a week) and ripped my heart out again so I'm back at square one too. And I just know I'll buckle and try to get in touch later in the week now. It's like smoking, all it does is hurt you but you do anything for the next fix. Shame there aren't patches for this buddy!

 

All I can say is good luck to you, whatever happens.

[BigProc]

Thanks for reply Leftfield, it really helped reading your post. For some reasom i'm still having trouble excepting its over. Im still hoping she will contact me so we can get back together. The sad thing is despite all the pain she has caused me i'djump at the chance to get back with her

[exclusive.]

She broke NC today (after about a week) and ripped my heart out again so I'm back at square one too. And I just know I'll buckle and try to get in touch later in the week now. It's like smoking, all it does is hurt you but you do anything for the next fix. Shame there aren't patches for this buddy!

 

Only because you let her brother, until you learn acceptance you will keep replying or keep reading her messages. When really, as so any people have said to others and to me... unless they read nothing short of "I've made a huge mistake, I want you back"

 

DELETE DELETE DELETE and ignore.

[leftfield]

I know you're right, exclusive, it's the only way to get through it. It's been two days now since I've heard anything, and although I feel better than I did even two short days ago, I just know that any contact from her would stab me in the chest again.

 

That 's why I came on here actually, for a quick read-through of all the good NC advice that should hopefully strengthen my resolve against getting in touch with her. I was starting to feel sad and lonely again.

 

Having said that, my phone company seem to have done me a favour by very kindly cutting me off! Maybe they know. MAYBE THEY'RE WATCHING ME! *moves eyes suspiciously*

 

It does make me feel kind of isolated though not even being able to speak to my friends. Thank Sir Tim Berners-Lee someone out there is listening!

[CaliGuy]

You seem to be say the break-up was logical because you were fight all the time but now she is with someone before you are you want her back.

 

What would change if you did get back together?

 

I looks like she has move on, there is nothing you can do about that. Read the following to help you do the same:

 

So you want a second chance?

 

Thanks GC. I wish more would post that thread and the "NC" thread I have. Honestly speaking, people should review them both thoroughly before deciding to make it a focus on trying to "win" someone back (which is most often a complete failure).

 

The best way to approach a breakup? Learn from your mistakes, improve yourself and be ready for the NEW person, not the old.

 

Cheers!

[BigProc]

Went out last night.I Went out drin king where my ex very and i mean very rarely goes. Who do I bump into in the first pub before I have even got a drink? Yep my ex. Who is she with? Yep her new fella (who also happens to be an ex of hers). This ruined my night completely and totally threw me off couse, it was dominating my mind for the rest of the night. Im just glad it happened when I was 100% sober, because i think i could have gone into a rage and given him a slap. Obviously that would have made me look like a complete moron and thankfully i kept my dignity. However its added a lot more pain and sadness to my weekend. I feel terrible at moment:(

[leftfield]

Oh no! I just came on here and thought I would check to see if there were any updates in your story (sorry to trivialize it like that but you know what I mean), and alas, there has been a bad turn of events. Sorry to hear that BigProc, I really am. I actually wondered whether my ex may do something like that as I know she is still in contact with one of her previous boyfriends from a few years back who she still gets along with.

 

It's very good news that you didn't lose your cool though, as you say that would have been a complete disaster and you would have woken up this morning feeling even worse (small mercies?).

 

There is nothing, absolutely nothing at all, that anyone can say to make you feel better, I realise that, but you've just got to hold it together like you did last night. You would be better off putting your mind onto something else and keeping busy to avoid thinking about it, but I know how hard that is so if you have to think about it, consider this;

 

Is this just a knee-jerk reaction on her part, an easy rebound that offers her a bit of comfort after your break-up? Probably, yes. I think you said in your original post that she even said something to that effect? If her ex still had feelings for her then he may have instigated it when he found out she was single again, perhaps taking advantage of the fact she is feeling the pain of losing her significant other. So in some respects they are kind of using one another. Not a lot of comfort for you I know, but don't take development as being anything negative toward you. All that is out of your control, so just focus on you.

 

It's just a bit of a kick in the teeth when something like that happens. Just keep on keeping on dude. I've been exercising like a lunatic and it has helped actually. I've started to become addicted to the endorphins!

 

I've been maintaining NC all week and combined with exercising and working even more hours than I usually do, I've kept my focus on me, and I do feel better for it. I've achieved a lot this week. Maybe you could plan your week next week and just make sure there is no time left in it for moping around. This time next week you will feel better.

[GrayClouds]

Went out last night.I Went out drin king where my ex very and i mean very rarely goes. Who do I bump into in the first pub before I have even got a drink? Yep my ex. Who is she with? Yep her new fella (who also happens to be an ex of hers). This ruined my night completely and totally threw me off couse, it was dominating my mind for the rest of the night. Im just glad it happened when I was 100% sober, because i think i could have gone into a rage and given him a slap. Obviously that would have made me look like a complete moron and thankfully i kept my dignity. However its added a lot more pain and sadness to my weekend. I feel terrible at moment:(

Understand part of the terrible is the by product of the alcohol (even a couple of drinks lowers serotonin the next day, not good when your already low). The other part is how your thinking about it.

 

Change your perspective.

 

You bump into your EX, that is always hard. You bump into your EX who is with the new guy, that is extremely hard. But know what? You lived, your head nor heart exploded. You gone through the worst and you handled it with dignity and class. You proved a great deal to yourself, you proved despite your past feeling for this chick she does not have control over you. You are in charge of yourself. Congratulations, for most of us it takes months and months to understand that.

 

(and beside the new dude is a douche;))

 

Now go for a hour run to celibate (and get the after effects of the booze out of the system)

[BigProc]

Thanks Leftfield and Grayclouds, they are 2 excellent posts which picked me up no end, I feel loads better after reading them :)

[GrayClouds]

 

Now go for a hour run to celibate (and get the after effects of the booze out of the system)

That is my best typo EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!:lmao::lmao:

 

(for those with out imagination that should be celebrant)