hurt and devastated Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Yesterday was my wife's birthday. I was already feeling pretty down, then my friend Mr. Paranoia had to visit. I was so certain that the OM was at our house with her before I knew it, I was driving by there. She wasn't home, so that just kicked it into overdrive. I drove past his house and he was home. Her parents probably took her out to dinner like they always do for her birthday. On the way home, I'm so angry at myself for doing it again! Why do I care so much? I keep telling myself she's going to do whatever and there's nothing I can do to stop it, but I can't let myself drop it. I don't even want to think about the repercussions if she ever found out I've been doing this. It wouldn't be pretty for sure. I'm ok for a while, but the feelings always creep back into my thoughts, and pretty soon I'm right back there again. Has anyone else gone through this? The more this happens, the less in control I feel...
cdt76 Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Oh, yes. But I wasn't mad at myself for doing it. You shouldn't be mad at yourself. You are satisfying some need by doing it. You will stop. You will not want to know they are together and you will try to put it out of your mind. It's hard. I know. And most of all it sucks.
Author hurt and devastated Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 Cdt, thanks for making me feel like I'm not losing my mind. I know the real reason I'm doing it is for the comfort factor. She told me right after we split up she wasn't going to continue seeing him because the affair was based on the attention she was getting, not that she was really in love with the guy. Of course I don't believe this, which is why I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm angry at myself because it's keeping me from moving forward. It's not doing me any good other than to temporarily quell my paranoid thoughts.
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