JenChristie Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 So my ex and I have been apart for quit some time, 2 years and we weren't even together that long. But he was what I call "My First Love" and he broke my heart. I had a very dragged breakup with my ex for over a year because I didn't follow NC, it was very hard to keep because me and my ex attend the same church with some mutual friends. I was doing really well recently, just taking a break from talking to any exes and not thinking about dating anyone to give myself some time (i was seeing someone for a few months but it ended). I knew my ex was probably seeing someone and I was fine with it. Then I find out that he is planning on bringing the girl to a church function and I flipped out! I don't know if i can face them and not be/look mortified in front of everybody. I know it sounds stupid but I don't want to face people at times like that, I will probably be wanting to cry inside. So I did the worst thing! I sent a nasty text messages to him about how he didn't try to let me know he was bringing her. We fought over the phone and it was bad. He is planning on bringing her to our church regularly and the moment he told me I felt so much hatred. I wanted to hurt him the way that he hurt me. I have thought of leaving my church before, but I really enjoy it there. I realize too that it is good to feel anger for a little while when someone breaks up with you. I never let myself feel hatred because I would always make excuses for my ex, try to understand him. But that makes you stuck in what's not reality "he did/does care for me" ... " i know he meant it"... "he'll always see me as special." Thoughts that may have been true at the time, but obviously weren't really true b/c they didn't last. I didn't want to hate him b/c then I would have to accept the fact that all of these things he said were not true. I'm wondering what you guys think about whether or not it is a good idea if i stay at my church. I have many friends that I love there and it is special to me. Is facing your ex's new girl something one can take? Something one should take? And if it is possible to face them, how?
Chinook Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I'm sorry but please, take a look at what you have posted. Your ex has not done anything wrong. Your relationship has ended. It's over. I know that's harsh. If he wishes to bring his g/f to what is also HIS church, then he has every right to do so. Unfortunately, you are viewing it as some sort of spiteful mission he has to hurt you, it isn't. He wants to share his happiness with his friends and his place of worship. There is nothing wrong with that. He is not flaunting his new love in front of you, the fact you are there is an unhappy consequence which he cannot help. Both he and she will be aware and uncomfortable with the situation BUT it is a situation which has to be gotten over. Think about this.... what happens if she's a really nice person...? You have already in your head fixed yourself against her (and him). I appreciate you are still suffering and healing. You need to work with situations and incidents which occur though. You need to be grown up and caring about this situation. If you care(d) about him as you say you do, you need to ensure that you create as little fuss as possible. Making a scene or flouncing off from the church and/or event, will only make you appear a little irrational and touchy. You're not, you're just healing. Please, do it with dignity and hold yourself composed calm and serene. You'll earn a lot more respect and care in that manner.
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