marianac Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Hey guys! So, we are another couple in a Long Distance Relationship, I'm 17 and he's 16 (please, don't start makind judgments just because we are young), we have been dating for almost 7 months, and today, it makes 1 year and 4 months that we are best friends. He's always been the sweetest thing on this planet...I'm his first girlfriend, he's my first boyfriend. He never cheated on me, I can tell that because we are aways texting/calling to each other...every second, we see each other on webcam everyday...and…c’mon…I know he truly loves me, and he doesn't have any close female friends, he doesn't even have any girl on his MSN contacts or in his mobilephone. He’s always doing huge efforts to see me and to be here with me, I can give you one example: he spent His christmas day on a train, just to be with me the next day. However, we fight A LOT, I've already thought about breaking up (a few times, but we never broke up, I just thought about that) and every time that happened he called me, trying to solve things, crying and begging me to stay with him...and honestly, I love him too, every time I do that I feel so guilty and I always want to get back, but I’m REALLY afraid that he might cheat on me one day, because he can start feeling tired of being in a relationship where almost everything we do is fighting (mostly because of jealous…he’s a really jealous person, like me ), and…oh well…He might want to try a new girl, new experience, I'm afraid because I'm constantly hearing people telling me that LDR's never work, and it is easir to cheat, and blahblahblah…I’ve already talked about this with him and he swears it will never happen, he says he doesn’t need that because I’m perfect for him, I’m the one (and actually he is kinda of obsessed with me, he’s constantly in contact with me, he really cares about me! His mom told me that, my friends tell me that)…but I can’t help but feeling this huge fear…I think it’s because my dad cheated on my mom more than once, a few times actually…and it was me who found the b*tches he was sleeping with. What can I do to stop this? Please, please help me…I really love this guy.
carvidep Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 (edited) I would recommend having a chat with him about the jealousy issues that the two of you have. Where do they come from? Have you guys decided on boundaries with friends of the opposite sex? My SO and I have some jealousy issues, too. When ever I hang out with a guy friend, I make it clear to my SO that he's just a friend, and tell him more about the guy because I'd love to eventually share my friends with him. My guy friends also are all aware and respectful of the fact that I'm in an LDR. I distance myself from the ones who do not respect that. I hope that helps a bit! Edited July 20, 2010 by carvidep
Steven101 Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Listen i know how you feel, but the key is to just trust yourself, trust what you feel. You are with him for a reason, it is normal to be doubtful and it is normal to be scared. It is obvious you love him... you probably have lost a fair good few people because and you do not want to lose him, so your mind play's tricks on you. Makes you paranoid because you are used to disappointment... you just want to protect yourself from pain, and it's human nature. Jealously, paranoia and not trusting your partner kills a relationship. But i know there is a small voice in your head that has doubts, you just need to ignore it because you do love him, why else would you be on here seaking help? good luck.
carvidep Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Listen i know how you feel, but the key is to just trust yourself, trust what you feel. You are with him for a reason, it is normal to be doubtful and it is normal to be scared. It is obvious you love him... you probably have lost a fair good few people because and you do not want to lose him, so your mind play's tricks on you. Makes you paranoid because you are used to disappointment... you just want to protect yourself from pain, and it's human nature. Jealously, paranoia and not trusting your partner kills a relationship. But i know there is a small voice in your head that has doubts, you just need to ignore it because you do love him, why else would you be on here seaking help? good luck. I definitely agree with everything Steven101 says here. I just want to kind of expand on the line "...i know there is a small voice in your head that has doubts, you just need to ignore it because you do love him..." In my personal opinion I believe that it is important to be aware of those feelings and doubts that come up and make sure that the lines of communication about them remain open between you and your SO. If you completely ignore them, they'll remain there in the back of your mind and drive you crazy, which is no fun. So be aware of them, but don't let them consume you. :-)
Author marianac Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 (edited) I would recommend having a chat with him about the jealousy issues that the two of you have. Where do they come from? Have you guys decided on boundaries with friends of the opposite sex? My SO and I have some jealousy issues, too. When ever I hang out with a guy friend, I make it clear to my SO that he's just a friend, and tell him more about the guy because I'd love to eventually share my friends with him. My guy friends also are all aware and respectful of the fact that I'm in an LDR. I distance myself from the ones who do not respect that. I hope that helps a bit! Hey Thanks for your answer! We've already talked about this jealousy issue, he has jealous of my girl friends, not only boy friends...and I'm in the same situation I don't really know why he has jealous of my friends in general, I mean, I'm always giving him the attention that he needs when we are far away and when we are together, I'm always texting or calling him. I only have 1 true friend, that I can really trust, and he is really really jealous of her, sometimes he asks "Did you talk to Lindsay today?" and I answer "Yeah, why?"...he gets ALL mad, he says that he only needs me and don't need any other person in his life. I agree. But we all have friends. He has friends (but he just won't admit it, he's always telling me how stupid they are towards him), and they have a band together, so, this means that my boyfriend spends loooong hours with them practicing and they have already some "groupies" that go to his house, watching them play and actually telling my boyfriend how interesting he is and how good he plays...So, I get jealous when he spends a lot of time with his mates and when he can't give me attention and I get jealous of these groupies, yes, but in the end I always understand that he can't give me aaaall the attention because he is with his mates and he has a band, he has to practice and he can't be playing guitar or composing and texting me at the same time! I'm trying really hard to fix this problem...because I know it can be destructive. Edited July 20, 2010 by marianac
Citizen Erased Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 I have no idea how people stay in LDR's without trust. My relationship is hard enough, I can only imagine how horrible it would be freaking out every time I didn't know where he was, every time he went out etc. What do you get out of a relationship like that?
Author marianac Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 I have no idea how people stay in LDR's without trust. My relationship is hard enough, I can only imagine how horrible it would be freaking out every time I didn't know where he was, every time he went out etc. What do you get out of a relationship like that? Because I trully love him... :/ We can't be apart, we need each other so much... and I still have hope that we will fix this problem
Gradschooler Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Hey guys! So, we are another couple in a Long Distance Relationship, I'm 17 and he's 16 (please, don't start makind judgments just because we are young), we have been dating for almost 7 months, and today, it makes 1 year and 4 months that we are best friends. He's always been the sweetest thing on this planet...I'm his first girlfriend, he's my first boyfriend. He never cheated on me, I can tell that because we are aways texting/calling to each other...every second, we see each other on webcam everyday...and…c’mon…I know he truly loves me, and he doesn't have any close female friends, he doesn't even have any girl on his MSN contacts or in his mobilephone. He’s always doing huge efforts to see me and to be here with me, I can give you one example: he spent His christmas day on a train, just to be with me the next day. However, we fight A LOT, I've already thought about breaking up (a few times, but we never broke up, I just thought about that) and every time that happened he called me, trying to solve things, crying and begging me to stay with him...and honestly, I love him too, every time I do that I feel so guilty and I always want to get back, but I’m REALLY afraid that he might cheat on me one day, because he can start feeling tired of being in a relationship where almost everything we do is fighting (mostly because of jealous…he’s a really jealous person, like me ), and…oh well…He might want to try a new girl, new experience, I'm afraid because I'm constantly hearing people telling me that LDR's never work, and it is easir to cheat, and blahblahblah…I’ve already talked about this with him and he swears it will never happen, he says he doesn’t need that because I’m perfect for him, I’m the one (and actually he is kinda of obsessed with me, he’s constantly in contact with me, he really cares about me! His mom told me that, my friends tell me that)…but I can’t help but feeling this huge fear…I think it’s because my dad cheated on my mom more than once, a few times actually…and it was me who found the b*tches he was sleeping with. What can I do to stop this? Please, please help me…I really love this guy. There are two things that strike me when I read your post a) You say that he's obsessed with you, but aren't you obsessed a bit too? Both of you need to take it easy and trust each other more. b) Talking all the time is a nice thing (oh I'd love to do it again) but its not too practical, is it? You might be better off being more independent and getting your own life moving. It will take your mind off these issues and help you be a better person.
Gradschooler Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Because I trully love him... :/ We can't be apart, we need each other so much... and I still have hope that we will fix this problem We have a problem here then.
nemi26 Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 (edited) Its natural to worry about the future and your're always going to doubt your relationship no matter how good you are most of time. But all you can do is live each day as it comes and put as much effort into the relationship as you can, but don't scare him off by being paranoid. If he says you're the one then i woudn't worry hun. Just talk to him about your worries and see if he has any and work through them best you can Edited July 20, 2010 by nemi26
carvidep Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 Hun, your boy is way too controlling. You're in a very similar situation to a very very good friend of mine. She's dating a guy who she's head over heels for, but he gets jealous of any attention that she gives to people who are not him. Even female classmates and her best friend. The biggest problem with that is that she's an extravert who thrives on mingling with people, which is a beautiful thing! You can't let someone hold you back like that. He needs to either respect you and learn to let you hang out with other people or let you go and find a guy who will.
OrdealByFire Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I read a good amount of your post, and I have to say, it sounds a LOT like my girlfriend and me. We fight a lot - through texting and AIM anyway - but on the phone we're perfect and it's incredible. We both have trust and jealousy issues because of our past, but you two don't have a past. That's about the only difference. What you have to do is keep consciously reminding yourself that he's not cheating. He loves you. It's almost impossible for him to even cheat. If something is going on and he's cheating? You will know. I realized my girlfriend was talking to another guy - and denied it, by the way - just because she took a little bit longer to respond to my IMs. Best of luck!
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