aeren944 Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Ok, so honestly, the past couple of days, I've been feeling a lot better. I'm getting control of myself and my life, I don't think about her as much as I did, I'm doing what makes me happy and hanging out with friends... discovering me, I guess. Thing is, I absolutely know I'm getting better, I can feel it. Part of me is a little scared... has that happened to anyone else? I'm kinda scared at forgetting the pain, at hurting again, at being blindsided by something, of giving her some sense of relief from the guilt... I think I'm scared of getting better, but I don't know why... I used to cry myself to sleep at night over this woman. I used to ache night and day and long for a day like these... where I'm okay, where I'm breathing and re-discovering myself, where I get the old me back. So, why am I a little nervous about getting better? Why do I feel almost guilty, or kind of unsettled? I'm serious, I've made some strides... I got my engagement ring back, I got into a support group, I'm hanging out with friends, and talking to more people... I'm not thinking like I'm a p.o.s... I'm starting to see how cool I really am. Those are amazing strides, considering that a month ago, I was still wanting to puke from the pain of it all. Why, then, is it not pure? Why do I still have a sense of dread or whatever?
Username37 Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Well...you were in pain for a while. I guess in a way, you MISS the pain.
hurt and devastated Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Not trying to hijack Aeren, but what support group did you find? I'm in the Valley, and the only thing I was able to find is Divorce Care, which just ended.
Author aeren944 Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 Not trying to hijack Aeren, but what support group did you find? I'm in the Valley, and the only thing I was able to find is Divorce Care, which just ended. I found a group up in Prescott called Mind Over Mood... its kind of like a class to help manage your mood and thoughts... It's through the guidance clinic up here
mickleb Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Even good changes can cause us a lot of stress. This is new for you, that's all. You're beginning to let go of the drama. Yes, you might get blind-sided, occasionally, that's what can happen when we're relaxed. But it's the calm frame of mind you are learning to step into, that you will use to deal with any future crises. Practise being okay. That seems like a straight-forward responsibility we all have but, actually, can be more work than it sounds. It requires 'mindfulness' (the lovely TaraMaiden can tell you all about this, if you choose not to Google it! Hope that's okay, Tara..?) You are doing this. Keep doing it. It becomes a really useful skill. x
Ilovecake Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Is there a link between heartbreak and addiction? A recent study shows that there may be. Helen E. Fisher, PhD, of Rutgers University and her team looked at functional MRI (fMRI) images of men and women who had recently broken up with a long-term partner. The images showed that the same areas of the brain were affected as those associated with addiction, reward, craving, and depression. According to Fisher, a neural pathway associated with physical pain and decision making is activated when someone is rejected, which is similar to nicotine or alcohol cravings. The good news is that time does heal. The researchers found that the more time since rejection the less activity seen on the fMRI.
GrayClouds Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Sadly heartbreak is a stimulant, and us rascally rabbits love our stimulants. And while it hurts, makes things difficult, and generally not good for us; kind of like drugs, alcohol and cigarettes, sometimes bad stimulation feels better then no stimulation. So what it is telling you is to go out and find some Healthy simulation, exercise, calculus class, rebuild a old Land Cruiser (I know one in need), read a book on string theory and multi-parallel universes, go find a liberal and argue with a conservative position, go find a conservative and argue a liberal position, go find a Tea Party member and argue with a logical position, go talk poetry with the taxman. Just find something that will get your mind going.
Author aeren944 Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 Even good changes can cause us a lot of stress. This is new for you, that's all. You're beginning to let go of the drama. Yes, you might get blind-sided, occasionally, that's what can happen when we're relaxed. But it's the calm frame of mind you are learning to step into, that you will use to deal with any future crises. Practise being okay. That seems like a straight-forward responsibility we all have but, actually, can be more work than it sounds. It requires 'mindfulness' (the lovely TaraMaiden can tell you all about this, if you choose not to Google it! Hope that's okay, Tara..?) You are doing this. Keep doing it. It becomes a really useful skill. x mickleb, thanks so much for all the advice you give me... I truly appreciate it. I know... this is brand new for me. I've never had a chance to actually focus on myself. I am definitely approaching things with a much calmer sense of mind. I just feel like the pain and those "bad days" are lurking just below the surface, and I'm going to wake up and be crying again for some reason. I guess that's just cuz it's new, huh? Ilovecake, that's interesting, and I think that might have a huge part in all of this for many of us on here... it's tough to get over the f**king addiction. Like, I honestly believe the thing I miss is the security and the comfort, most of all. I miss the good times we had, sure, but I don't miss the person she is or turned into. I don't miss the pain that came with that love. I don't honestly miss the love, because I know I could do better, and I will. The addiction, though, seems to be the major hurdle for most of us, when you boil it all down. We miss the good feelings, the comfort... the cigarette drag (for you smokers out there) if you will. I suck with addiction... was addicted to Ecstasy for a while, and also pot and drinking, of course. And I always have my morning coffee and my cigarettes... So... I'm crappy with addiction... but this new feeling, it DOES feel good... its just that I miss the addiction, I guess, and having someone who I thought was my absolute best friend.
SilkRose Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Sadly heartbreak is a stimulant, and us rascally rabbits love our stimulants. And while it hurts, makes things difficult, and generally not good for us; kind of like drugs, alcohol and cigarettes, sometimes bad stimulation feels better then no stimulation. So what it is telling you is to go out and find some Healthy simulation, exercise, calculus class, rebuild a old Land Cruiser (I know one in need), read a book on string theory and multi-parallel universes, go find a liberal and argue with a conservative position, go find a conservative and argue a liberal position, go find a Tea Party member and argue with a logical position, go talk poetry with the taxman. Just find something that will get your mind going. Maybe this explains why people seem to throw themselves into work and other projects after a breakup, so they can be "stimulated" in a constructive way.
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