KristinBean Posted February 8, 2004 Posted February 8, 2004 It's over,,,,,, There's so much pain. I know I'll get through this, but I feel like dropping to my knees,,,,,,, It was an affair that grew from companionship and an incredible friendship. Things happened, things progressed. Now, both of us are aching, but it has ended. In one more week, I will never see him again. I am moving away. I saw him today,,,,,,and he is being so strong. There was no physicial contact,,,, we are just trying to revisit our friendship. I'm finding I can't "go back there" with him. My heart just hurts from the loss of what used to be. I know I am driving him crazy with my emotions....I am vocalizing them; he is burying them and now I feel like I am being a burden to him. This pain could have been avoided, but I wasn't strong enough in the beginning, to keep our desire at bay. Now,,,look where I am,,,where we are. Now, even the friendship is stressed and that would be the one thing after I am gone, that I simply wish he would remember,,,,,the beautiful friendship we used to share so freely. Do any of you have any words I can relay to him or suggest to him, to atleast help in remembering our good times. I don't want him to remember me in this state of mind that he is seeing me in now. I am trying to be strong when he's around, but he sees the pain in me and it's hurting him too. I just want to walk away from this and know that his memories of me will forego these current times and remember our better times. Does anyone have any words to help me relate my wishes to him? I've tried to tell him this, but when I talk to him, I continue to feel like I am drudging up the painful decisions we've made, but then again, every emotionless moment I spend with him is just as painful. I know some of you will go another direction and tell me to stop seeing him. I can't. He will be in my life for one more week and then I am moving,,,,really, never to see him again. I'm not ready to say goodbye yet and I can't. Any suggestions? Thanks
midori Posted February 8, 2004 Posted February 8, 2004 It's tough to go through a loss, regardless of the circumstances. I think you're looking for assurances that you'll be able to hold on to some part of what is/was between you. You'll only discover this when you're ready and able to, but in my experience you can't hold on to things that must be let go. You made choices with consequences, put a friendship on the line. There was risk involved. You knew that. You can scramble to hold on if you want to, and he can if he wants to, but you'll only prolong your own suffering that way. I've never been in a situation where I was the other woman, or was involved in an affair while being in a committed relationship, so obviously I can't relate precisely to your circumstances. But I have had to let go of love, love that was real and meant the world to me. I think it would have been a lot easier for me to deal with if I had been able to see that even though it was real and signficant for a period of time, it couldn't last due to other circumstances. That happens. That's life. It doesn't invalidate the love that was. But it means that the love that was cannot continue into the present or the future.
eastside Posted February 9, 2004 Posted February 9, 2004 It is not easy when the situation looks like he dumped you, if you could create a situation when you dump him, then the breakup would be easier.
kkat Posted February 9, 2004 Posted February 9, 2004 I'm sorry for your pain and how you are feeling. You mentioned in your post: I don't want him to remember me in this state of mind that he is seeing me in now. I am trying to be strong when he's around, but he sees the pain in me and it's hurting him too. I feel like you are concerned about your pride, and don't want to show him that you're hurting. Maybe you could try to let go of that concern...if you were truly friends, and truly in love, he isn't going to feel differently about you because you are in pain over losing the relationship with him, moving away, etc. And, if you are moving -- that in and of itself can be very painful, stressful, and depending on the circumstances, emotionally difficult. Maybe you can focus on celebrating what you had, and celebrating the life ahead of you that you are moving towards. Don't feel badly if you cry or show your pain -- it's only natural. And he's the guy, and without stereotyping, it's also natural that he's not showing his emotional pain as outwardly as you might be. Best of luck in moving towards the next, positive, healthy relationship in your life where you are the ONE, not the other one. And best of luck in your move. And for what it's worth, I remember how I absolutely fell apart during a breakup with a very special man in my life - I mean, I was a wreck for days - and we were still seeing each other while he helped me find a new apartment, moving, etc. - so he watched a reply every day of me crying hysterically, the whole nine yards. After the fact, I felt so embarrassed and humiliated that I had shown my emotions...but guess what...he didn't feel any differently towards me, and years later, told me he just felt sad for both of us and that every night when he left me he cried the same way in his car....
Wounded Unicorn Posted February 10, 2004 Posted February 10, 2004 Originally posted by KristinBean It's over,,,,,, Do any of you have any words I can relay to him or suggest to him, to atleast help in remembering our good times. Thanks [color=indigo][/color] Kristen, I don't have any words for you to realy to him.........but I do have some words that may help you: People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did, but People will never forget how you made them feel. And that is all anyone needs...........my heart goes out to you!
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