jwi71 Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 He crossed the line in contacting your daughter w/o your consent or presence. I would: 1) inform his W that the OM is harassing your daughter 2) inform your lawyer of the same 3) inform the police 4) inform your stbxw I would ask your lawyer pen a nasty letter saying "stay away from my daughter or I'll bring HELL to your front door". In fact, I wonder if you can't use this as basis to issue protective orders against the OM and your DD. Call your lawyer and explain what is going on. And no, don't meet him. No need. Right now, you need to step back, keep your cool and work within the confines of the law.
stillafool Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 My Stbx has been carrying on a secret PA with OMM for the past six months. I have been hot on their case since discovering the A several weeks ago, and have reached out to his W to "rock his boat". She doesn't want to know her H is cheating- go figure. Out of the blue, the OM sends me a text message asking if we can meet. I am tempted to accept wanting to face up to the guy who has been banging my WW. :mad: I will be divorcing my cheating and lying W as soon as the law allows. There is NO hope of reconsiliation to save our M. What do you think, should I accept his invite to meet in a public place? We are both successful professionals and I do not envision anything physcial between us, but I am mad as hell with this guy. Has anyone else heard of something like this? I am ready to accept on the condition the meeting is in a public place. Thoughts? Yes meet him. If you don't already have enough amunition to divorce your wife he will give you more. What does being successful and professional have to do with controling one's emotions?
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 The OMM contacted my daughter to issue an apology for destroying her life...what a hero. He told my DD he doesn't see himself getting a divorce until his kids are grown and out of the house. My Stbx is such a sap for giving up her life for the chance she might marry him 4 years from now. I sense her having a mental breakdown when the passion of the A dies down and she is living alone. My interest in meeting the OM is rekindled after he contacted my DD. Yes, maybe both you and your daughter should go meet up with him together. Is she interested in that? Just an option to think about. Has your selfish soon to be ex apologized to her own daughter?
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2010 Posted July 25, 2010 He crossed the line in contacting your daughter w/o your consent or presence. I would: 1) inform his W that the OM is harassing your daughter 2) inform your lawyer of the same 3) inform the police 4) inform your stbxw I would ask your lawyer pen a nasty letter saying "stay away from my daughter or I'll bring HELL to your front door". In fact, I wonder if you can't use this as basis to issue protective orders against the OM and your DD. Call your lawyer and explain what is going on. And no, don't meet him. No need. Right now, you need to step back, keep your cool and work within the confines of the law. After reading this, please ignore my advice to consider talking to him with your daughter. JW is right and it's time to get yourself a lawyer. Write down everything that's happened in detail! Keep a record of dates, times etc, too.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Theres a reason that it doesnt work that way. We see the sympathetic stories here but there are many that are very complicated where cheating is not as egregious as for example when a spouse is physically or mentally abused and has been so demoralized that they cant see the forest from the trees. Relatoinships are complicated and while sometimes the cheating spouse is clearly "at fault" there are many cases where the cheating is a desparate cry for help from someone trapped in a situation you wouldnt want to see a family member in and its often difficult for the courts to get to the truth in some of these cases. well obvious nobody in those situations are trapped if they made it to the courtroom:o so basically alimony is justified because a woman "might" have felt trapped?.....but its not justified to spare someone who has suffered at the hands of a cheater, then has to pony up money to add insult to injury?
jj33 Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 (edited) The OMM contacted my daughter to issue an apology for destroying her life...what a hero. He told my DD he doesn't see himself getting a divorce until his kids are grown and out of the house. My Stbx is such a sap for giving up her life for the chance she might marry him 4 years from now. I sense her having a mental breakdown when the passion of the A dies down and she is living alone. My interest in meeting the OM is rekindled after he contacted my DD. GK - that is SO out of line. Hire a lawyer have him write OM a letter telling him on no uncertain terms he is NEVER to contact your daughter again or enter your home or you will have a TRO issued. Far more effective than meeting him. Or if you really want to mess with him (and his marriage and professional reputation) then have a lawyer go for a TRO NOW. And your "chances" of winning are not the point. THe point is to really mess with him and show him he should be afraid, very very afraid. How embarrassing for him, particularly if the summons or process server comes to his house or place of business... You cant stop him from seeing your wife but you can sure as h*ll stop him in his tracks. Noone who considers themselves to be a responsible professional wants to be on the other end of a TRO for harrassing a minor. Even if you lose the TRO, the shame and embarrassment and mayhem it will create in his life will be far better than anything you could say to him if you met him. Oh just saw JWI posted the same advice. Great minds think alike. The only downside to getting a TRO is that your daughter may need to tesitfy. Simply having your lawyer write a letter threatening a TRO may be easier for her (or she may be ok with the TRO you will have to think about this one) Edited July 26, 2010 by jj33
Author Gfkr2 Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 Yes meet him. If you don't already have enough amunition to divorce your wife he will give you more. What does being successful and professional have to do with controling one's emotions? I finally her MM after hearing about his talking to my daughter. We had a cup of coffee on Sunday. The law was laid down now understands to keep away from my daughter. Absolutely no contact. Although his hands were visably shaking, he quickly agreed it was a mistake to contact my daughter. It was a Sunday morning and I started off by asking if he went to Church. He responded "of course" to which I asked "why would you do that?". Him..."because I beleive". Me, "You must beleive in breaking up marriages and hurting innocent spouses and children b/c that's the choice you made and I am mad as hell you did it. After some back and forth about his being a hypocrit for pretending to be religious... he says "well, I love her (my Stbx) and I told my wife twice". Me, "so that means you are willing to divorce your wife and get married". His cowardly reply..."not exactly, I can't leave the kids yet b/c they are the most important thing in my life right now and still too young". Me, "what a Man you are to break up 2 marriages and not have the courage to leave your relationship for the woman you supposedly love". Him looking me in the eye saying nothing... I asked him when he when he is going to leave his wife and he responds "2 to 3 years", unless his wife tosses him out of the house. I had one final question which was "why do you NOT put the needs of your W and children before your own selfishness in starting an A with my W?". He flat out tells me in his world the needs of his wife and family come SECOND to his own needs, "i'm not that type of guy like you are" he says. At that very moment, I felt the closure which I desired to end my 25 year M. My WW is so enthralled with this POS MM that she is willing to walk away from a happy life where she and my daughter were aways first in everything I did and planned for the future. I realized for the first time my WW also places HER OWN needs and insecurities before mine and her daughter's and that is the main reason why she cheated, and feels little remorse. I feel good getting clousure to move on, yes I am hurting too. As an interesting side note, the WW tells me yesterday the OM said I was a "decent guy". The POS obviously didn't recall a word between us as he walked out the door of the coffee shop. He was in his own little world...
jj33 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 GKR you ARE a decent guy. SO decent that the POS OM was probably embarrassed that he is such a POS and has been so selfish while you are sitting there right in front of him, living proof of just what a POS he is. Whether it means anything to you or not. he heard you. And he realized he was in the presence of a greater man. What he realizes or not is probably not your concern right now. Im glad you are finding closure. Its mindnumbing to realize that someone you loved and trusted so wholly could be so selfish. I hope your daugther is OK
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 I feel good getting clousure to move on, yes I am hurting too. As an interesting side note, the WW tells me yesterday the OM said I was a "decent guy". The POS obviously didn't recall a word between us as he walked out the door of the coffee shop. He was in his own little world... Hey... you need to switch gears and start covering your butt in preparation for divorce. Courts ALWAYS favor women unless you give them a damn good reason not to. So.... get working on it or she is going to be living with OM in your house, while you pay the mortgage... and he will probably be hitting on your daughter.
Silly_Girl Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Hey... you need to switch gears and start covering your butt in preparation for divorce. Courts ALWAYS favor women unless you give them a damn good reason not to. So.... get working on it or she is going to be living with OM in your house, while you pay the mortgage... and he will probably be hitting on your daughter. Easy tiger!!! Did I miss something? Why do we think the girl is in danger of this?
Author Gfkr2 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 Hey... you need to switch gears and start covering your butt in preparation for divorce. Courts ALWAYS favor women unless you give them a damn good reason not to. So.... get working on it or she is going to be living with OM in your house, while you pay the mortgage... and he will probably be hitting on your daughter. You sound like my Mother...that ain't happening.
stillafool Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I finally her MM after hearing about his talking to my daughter. We had a cup of coffee on Sunday. The law was laid down now understands to keep away from my daughter. Absolutely no contact. Although his hands were visably shaking, he quickly agreed it was a mistake to contact my daughter. It was a Sunday morning and I started off by asking if he went to Church. He responded "of course" to which I asked "why would you do that?". Him..."because I beleive". Me, "You must beleive in breaking up marriages and hurting innocent spouses and children b/c that's the choice you made and I am mad as hell you did it. After some back and forth about his being a hypocrit for pretending to be religious... he says "well, I love her (my Stbx) and I told my wife twice". Me, "so that means you are willing to divorce your wife and get married". His cowardly reply..."not exactly, I can't leave the kids yet b/c they are the most important thing in my life right now and still too young". Me, "what a Man you are to break up 2 marriages and not have the courage to leave your relationship for the woman you supposedly love". Him looking me in the eye saying nothing... I asked him when he when he is going to leave his wife and he responds "2 to 3 years", unless his wife tosses him out of the house. I had one final question which was "why do you NOT put the needs of your W and children before your own selfishness in starting an A with my W?". He flat out tells me in his world the needs of his wife and family come SECOND to his own needs, "i'm not that type of guy like you are" he says. At that very moment, I felt the closure which I desired to end my 25 year M. My WW is so enthralled with this POS MM that she is willing to walk away from a happy life where she and my daughter were aways first in everything I did and planned for the future. I realized for the first time my WW also places HER OWN needs and insecurities before mine and her daughter's and that is the main reason why she cheated, and feels little remorse. I feel good getting clousure to move on, yes I am hurting too. As an interesting side note, the WW tells me yesterday the OM said I was a "decent guy". The POS obviously didn't recall a word between us as he walked out the door of the coffee shop. He was in his own little world... You certainly are a great guy and will get the woman you deserve when you heal from this. The OM clearly only cares about what is best for him. He says he wants to stay for the kids because they are the most important thing in his life right now, and then turns around and admits he has always put his wife and kids second. Boy! did your wife ever pick loser!!!! This guy isn't man enough to leave his wife and put up with your wife's sh-t! He is running scared already. She is going to be so sorry in the end.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Easy tiger!!! Did I miss something? Why do we think the girl is in danger of this? not hitting the daughter, ...hitting ON the daughter.
Author Gfkr2 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 not hitting the daughter, ...hitting ON the daughter. My kid would kick him in the balls, plain an simple, if he has the gall to TRY anything inappropriate. This 16 1/2 year old is no shrinking violet and knows how to stand up for herself, and if necessary, get out of a situation if she has to.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 My kid would kick him in the balls, plain an simple, if he has the gall to TRY anything inappropriate. This 16 1/2 year old is no shrinking violet and knows how to stand up for herself, and if necessary, get out of a situation if she has to. I get that, but why would you risk putting her in that situation to begin with? The fact that this guy tried to establish contact with her is beyond creepy. He wanted to apologize??? Sure... How much risk are you willing to take? Because I guarantee your wife doesn't care to think about it.
Recommended Posts