Gfkr2 Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 My Stbx has been carrying on a secret PA with OMM for the past six months. I have been hot on their case since discovering the A several weeks ago, and have reached out to his W to "rock his boat". She doesn't want to know her H is cheating- go figure. Out of the blue, the OM sends me a text message asking if we can meet. I am tempted to accept wanting to face up to the guy who has been banging my WW. :mad: I will be divorcing my cheating and lying W as soon as the law allows. There is NO hope of reconsiliation to save our M. What do you think, should I accept his invite to meet in a public place? We are both successful professionals and I do not envision anything physcial between us, but I am mad as hell with this guy. Has anyone else heard of something like this? I am ready to accept on the condition the meeting is in a public place. Thoughts?
bentnotbroken Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Go for it. I needed to see ow face to face. I don't know your personality, but I would rather confront and get my feelings out than have some mental conversation and call it a day. BE sure it is what you want before you go there because there is no going back.
U2RockZz Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 ask him you want to record the entire conversation,if he is up for it then i don't see any issue in it......
cavedweller Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Gfkr2, No....Don't meet him...Work on your divorce and to h3ll with those two...Get rid of her as fast as you can...(if he wants her let him have her) my 2 cents
Owl Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I gotta say there's no value in meeting with him. You're divorcing her...end of story. What possible good could come out of the discussion between you? Tell him that you've got no interests in meeting him...and walk the heck away from the both of them.
Author Gfkr2 Posted July 19, 2010 Author Posted July 19, 2010 I gotta say there's no value in meeting with him. You're divorcing her...end of story. What possible good could come out of the discussion between you? Tell him that you've got no interests in meeting him...and walk the heck away from the both of them. I see your point. From what I've understand in speaking with my WW, he beleives he has done nothing wrong. The A has crushed my 16 year old daughter who, sadly, walked in on them one evening doing what cheaters do when they think they are alone. It is only for my beloved daughter who has been wounded beyond words by her Mom's sheer stupidity, I WANT to go and meet this piece of crap.
jwi71 Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I gotta say there's no value in meeting with him. You're divorcing her...end of story. What possible good could come out of the discussion between you? Tell him that you've got no interests in meeting him...and walk the heck away from the both of them. Yup...this. Except I wouldn't even dignify him a response - just ignore him.
jwi71 Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I see your point. From what I've understand in speaking with my WW, he beleives he has done nothing wrong. The A has crushed my 16 year old daughter who, sadly, walked in on them one evening doing what cheaters do when they think they are alone. It is only for my beloved daughter who has been wounded beyond words by her Mom's sheer stupidity, I WANT to go and meet this piece of crap. NO no no. Forget about HIM. HE doesn't matter. His rationalizations don't matter. Nothing good comes of this. Nothing. Focus on your daughter. Get her to IC. Get yourself to IC...maybe you and your daughter can do some joint sessions to heal. I know its hard to actually turn away from the "man" who did this...but he is an incidental player really. In time you will see it. Lets not tempt fate, meet, and punch the scumbag in the nose...going to jail won't help you and if your stbx is bitter enough, she'll use it against you. Just ignore him...ignore it all. Focus not on the past or flimsy excuses...look ahead to the future.
Author Gfkr2 Posted July 19, 2010 Author Posted July 19, 2010 NO no no. Forget about HIM. HE doesn't matter. His rationalizations don't matter. Nothing good comes of this. Nothing. Focus on your daughter. Get her to IC. Get yourself to IC...maybe you and your daughter can do some joint sessions to heal. I know its hard to actually turn away from the "man" who did this...but he is an incidental player really. In time you will see it. Lets not tempt fate, meet, and punch the scumbag in the nose...going to jail won't help you and if your stbx is bitter enough, she'll use it against you. Just ignore him...ignore it all. Focus not on the past or flimsy excuses...look ahead to the future. If you detect that I want him you are correct. Bad.
cavedweller Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Gfkr2, A similar thing happened to me many years ago in my marriage... Listen: They just want more gossip and drama...Don't give it to them.. Hold your head up high and move on... He's riding the pony..Well, let him ride.. There is a thing call Karma...(what goes around comes around) Hang tough my friend......
jthorne Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Tell him you have no desire to hear what he has to say, but you'd be happy to arrange a meeting with your daughter so he can explain to her what a POS he is.
cavedweller Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 jtthorne, Having the POS explain everything to the daughter....What a great idea..I will have to remember that one...Oh, that's good...
Ellin Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Hi Gfkr2. It depends. If you think this meeting will only upset you more, then don't go. But if you have questions you want answered that would help you get a closure sooner and think you may get the answers from him, go fo it. You could otherwise have these questions hanging in you mind for some time. Of course, you cannot predict how it will go, you have to take a risk.
Author Gfkr2 Posted July 19, 2010 Author Posted July 19, 2010 I would only go if I could keep my cool with the OM. Seeing the smiling POS might be more than I can handle at this point. I think he is capable of trying to bait me with the hope I lose it and take a swing at him. Thank God, my beautiful D is already in counselling. I called a therapist the next day after she witnessed the 2 cheaters having sex in my house. She's made a great connection with the young woman, which makes me happy:) I DO need to go to therapy myself, feeling a bit isolated by everthing going on right now. A man can only run so much to take out his stress. Yes, I plan to make a call tomorrow to set my life in the right direction. I appreciate the suggestions
scatterd Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Did You say you talked to his wife?Are you sure it was her?Take a tape recorder and let her listen.I wanted info forever I cant believe she does not care her marriage is threatened i would be pissed.Maybe he is a little scared about something to want to talk.What is their to say.
Fieldsofgold Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I think you have much more to lose than to gain, by meeting him. You have already established that they are low-life scum. Anything you say or do will be used against you. If he wants to meet with your daughter AND her counselor, well he is free to contact the counselor and make those arrangements through the counselor. I strongly recommend that you have NO CONTACT with him.
whichwayisup Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I see your point. From what I've understand in speaking with my WW, he beleives he has done nothing wrong. The A has crushed my 16 year old daughter who, sadly, walked in on them one evening doing what cheaters do when they think they are alone. It is only for my beloved daughter who has been wounded beyond words by her Mom's sheer stupidity, I WANT to go and meet this piece of crap. Don't believe your wife. No human being (unless he's a narcissist) would believe they've done nothing wrong when walked in on by 16 year old. I am sorry that your daughter had to experience such an awful thing and I hope she is able to work through her issues, the anger, sadness and mistrust towards her mom.
scatterd Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I don't see what the problem is with meeting I would be wondering what he wants.Then I would have nothing more to do with them.His wife probably did confront him to get answers and he is scared now.I am having a hard time believing the wife does not want to know more at this point he probably denied it.I had a friend that had to hear what husband said first and after that she started wondering and it bothered her I think she was in shock at first then later she was mad.
whichwayisup Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 If you feel this is what you need to get closure, then go see him. You have every right in the book to talk to him, to ask him questions. Just be prepared that he infact might really BE a huge jerk-off and just piss you off even more. Or, maybe your wife has exaggerated how he is and this guy wants to just talk to you. Anyway, do this on YOUR time frame, not the other man's. YOU decide when the time is right, NOT him.
scatterd Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Your wife has been lying all this time why would she not lie about this om.Find out the truth I bet you will be surprised maybe not but you will know if its another lie.If you see him tell him what he has done to your daughter I would not want him around her ever again.I am so sorry but you will find better then her.
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Be careful man, I had an OW do the same thing: she wanted me to stop by for a 'talk' and when I went to do so she tried to goad me into hitting her - presumably so that she could call the cop she was banging and have me charged with assault and battery. I wouldn't agree to meet with anyone who would clearly have an agenda for doing so.
norajane Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Why do you need to meet him? You can't talk on the phone?
MorningCoffee Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 I wouldn't meet him. Maybe he thinks he can make it right, but you know better. Still, if I were still irredeemably curious as to what he had to say, I'd tell him to put it in writing. And I would not reply. Nothing to say.
cavedweller Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Why would you want to talk to her lover? The person I would want to talk to is a divorce attorney..
jthorne Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 I think you have much more to lose than to gain, by meeting him. You have already established that they are low-life scum. Anything you say or do will be used against you. If he wants to meet with your daughter AND her counselor, well he is free to contact the counselor and make those arrangements through the counselor. I strongly recommend that you have NO CONTACT with him.I really doubt the OM has anyone's best interests at heart but his own. So I really was being flip in my post about him contacting the daughter. But FoG, your idea is really good. After all, the daughter is really the one that's going to suffer here. I think privacy laws might keep him from contacting the counselor himself, but the OP could certainly respond to the OM and tell him what you said and tell him that he'd be happy to contact the counselor on his behalf. I think that will really get the point across to this guy that whatever he has to say to the BS doesn't mean sh*t to a tree. The guy needs to see that his actions have hurt an innocent party that will have that memory with her for the rest of her life. If the guy is a stand-up guy (which I doubt), he'll be open to helping the daughter. But if not, it will just further show what a jackazz he is.
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