Not sure what to break up or not

[Lisichka]

This is my situation, I have started dating my now bf almost 4yrs ago. In the beginning I did not care for him much since I didn't want a serious relationship, but he seemed like the perfect man and treated me the way I wanted a man to, so I made myself fall in love with him, took almost a year of living together (we moved in a few months into relationship). After that things started going a little to the other directions, it was not me who was threatening to leave now, it was him. He started acting extremely angry with me about the little things, but I was already in love and was hoping he would change the way I did. Plus it was not often, and thought that he was angry for the past with me. So on our 2yr anniversary he broke up with me saying he doesnt know if he loves me. This was a complete shock, since other than the little fights here and there I thought he would never leave me. We were only broken up for a few weeks, but during those weeks I didn't eat, barely slept and basically cried most of the time. After we got back together I started having panick attakcs, they developed into almost agoraphobia, I stopped driving or being able to go anywhere farther than 30min. After we got back, he was very good to me most of the time, but now it's going to be our 4th year anniversarry and I feel as though even though he wants to be with me, that we might break up because of my not being able to drive, which prevents me form working, nor can I go on trips with him, which is a big deal for him. I also have OCD, which became worse cause of the panick attacks, and it really bothers him. He has told me before that he doesnt know if he can be with me in the future because of the problems I have at the moment. There are times when I wanted to break up with him because I feel as though this is not a good reason to break up with someone who you have such an emotional and loving relatinship with, but I am afraid to lose someone who is the ideal bf for me. I am also afraid to fall into the same pattern I did the other time we broke up, I was pathetic and couldnt do anything about it. Plus, what if no one would want to be with me because of the problems I now have. I am torn and don't know what to do. He thinks that I should just face my problems and start driving ect for the relationship. He doesnt understand that if it was this simple I would have already been driving and never would have this problem. Before this happened I was driving everywhere, wether 30min to 9hrs. I am just looking for advice, what can i do in this situation? Is breaking up the best thing in this situation so he can be happy and do the things he can't because he's with me, or should I try to convince him that I will be better and that we have to work at it.

Edited July 19, 2010 by Lisichka

[2.50 a gallon]

I see that the first problem that you have to over come is the panic attacks and agoraphobia.

 

Thirty years ago I had the exact same problem. As you I was in a serious relationship. My problem, was I knew I had found the future Mrs. Gallon, but I was not yet ready to settle down and marry. I had extreme inner tormoil and that resulted in me having my first panic attack. I had kno idea what had hit me, and at that time, there was little known about them. I search for several years, and nobody could help, much less give me an answer. This only made matters worse. I had no control of them and they could hit at any time. One of my biggest fears was that I would be a in a public place when one would hit, and I would appear to go beserk, screaming, etc. and causing a scene that would get me locked up in the nut house. I was well beyond believing that I was already crazy, nuts and that I would spend the rest of my life institutionalized.

 

I spent about 2 years, just going to work, and straight home, and hardly ever socializing.

 

Then I found the doctor who prescribed Ativan. It was a miracle. Panic attack hits, take an ativan, and in minutes all symptoms of the panic attack were gone. It did not take me long, before I realized that I had found the answer to my problem and learned to totally trust ativan, as in 30 plus years it has never let me down. I still have a prescription of them, but hardly ever need to use them. I keep a bottle of them in my pants pocket at all times, this alone seems to keep most of the attacks at bay. And if I do feel one coming on all I have to do is reach in my pocket and give the bottle a shake and the sounds of the pills rattling, almost always turns off the attack