DimensionZero Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I seem to have a difficult time trying to find friends of the opposite sex. Everytime i think i found someone it usually doesn't work out or the girl stops talking to me & it's just strange. Guy friends are easier for me to make & most don't act weird after being around them for long. I don't know if women think that im interested in them so they back off, but i don't think im really saying anything that provokes that. I don't get out that often & trolling the bars really won't do it for me because i don't approach women. It's easier for me to talk to the women i work with but lately i have been avoiding that mainly because later on they'll just stop talking to me regularly. Someone mentioned to me that i shouldn't talk to them every time i see them which.. still doesn't work. I still get the same results so im thinking its something else. I actually have already been past the point of giving up seeing as im not even sure 'what' im doing wrong if i am doing anything wrong. The only thing i can think of is women assume that i 'like' them when all i really want is to be friends.
JadedHeart Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 If all you do is want to be just friends with them you must not find them attractive it all. Men and women can't be friends anyways, if they think you like them and you don't they move on and stop wasting their time and yours. It's the same if a guy gets the lets just be friends line he has no interest in being just friends. So they cut contact. Instead of wasting your time on these girls go use that time to be productive and pick up a really good catch.
Author DimensionZero Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 Um, wow. It's pretty funny when i did want a relationship/date women they were not interested. The friendship thing doesn't work either? I don't know about you but im really sick & tired of the games women play. I must not be worth dating or being friend material either way. I figure its because i don't know how to talk to women & thats why i could never get a date. I figure if i become friends with the opposite sex i could gain more confidence & maybe i wouldn't mess things up all the time (if thats why i can never get a date). You say men & women can't be friends. I see it all the time so you can't tell me that it's not possible, for some people it might not be possible. Most women i try to talk to are attractive, so what? Does it mean i have to hit on them? Does it mean i have to ask them out? But i suppose ill be wasting my time either way.
zengirl Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 I have some close male friends who are "attractive" but not to me, really (as in we don't have chemistry, though I've had male friends for years that I did and later went onto date. . . ) and I think I'm considered fairly attractive as well. We didn't become close friends overnight. Some of them probably did think of asking me out at one point. Some I thought about it at one point. But, something happened -- timing, realizations, we just didn't dig each other that way -- and we became friends. Now, these friends are part of a larger circle, which is co-ed. So, it's not like just one random dude and I are close friends. I think that's the thing; they have to be tied in some larger way -- when you have a big circle of friends, you're almost family in a way, so it's more natural to be protective and platonic, rather than worry about any fussy romantic nonsense coming into it. Anyway, my point is, the best way to build friendships with women is likely to build friendships with some sort of community -- a group of inter-webbed relations -- that includes some women, some single and some not, and go from there. Girlfriends of friends can be great first-female friends maybe. Some of my best male friends are (or were) regular steadies of female friends that have become friends of mine in their own right.
Author DimensionZero Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 Yeah thats all i really want. I'm starting to think that some of these women i talk to are desperate for a date so if i talk to them they expect me to eventually ask them out but when im just talking to them. Of course i happen to ask the wrong women out as well. The ones that don't really have an interest (for some reason or another). That's just my guess. Most women expect men to be romantic & im not really into that at this point. Infact im in the minority, i listen to death metal, play videogames & im not romantic. What reinforced this is just the fact i have not gotten a date or really found someone with a good chemistry. Many might dwell over the fact they can't find someone but i'm already 30 & already come to terms to the fact i may not ever find anyone. I don't have much patience for relationships & for me anyways its too frustrating.
Tayla Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Zen- Thank you for your realistic analysis of the progression that true friends can have. Gender aside we are human and desire the inter-action with others. The older one gets the less the one type of attraction kicks in. I can say I am attracted to each of my friends. Some for their wit, some for their charm Some for the sensibility. Amazing how little of it has to do with the *OUTSIDE* appearance. to the OP: There is little wrong with a person who desires *friends* in general and as a commonality to bond. Just some folks live in a bubble where they *assume* that someone MUST be hitting on them and if they arent then gosh they arent worth being around. I personally avoid that mentality and get to enjoy persons for their positives. Find positives in folks and accentuate your own traits, I'm sure you have some great ones! One being your honest .
LuckyLady13 Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 I don't know about you but im really sick & tired of the games women play. Dimension - If I were friends with you for a little while and you dropped that into a conversation with me, I'd be gone. Right at that moment. None of the guy friends I have think women play games and I think their mentality may have something to do with why they get along so well with women. They see women on the same level they are on. They relate to women and see similarities. It's easiest to get along with people you relate to. If you're not relating to women...open your mind a little bit and look for similarities. I happen to listen to Death Metal, by the way. \m/ But, that is a bit of a rarity with women and if you've been to Metal shows, you definitely know that so you're going to have a little bit of a tougher time. It would be hard for you to relate to someone who listens to Rap, Hip-Hop, R&B, Pop, Dance or Techno. Just because that makes it a little harder though doesn't make it impossible. Given that I said I'd walk away at the very moment you'd say women play games, you might be confused but I sure wouldn't be. I'd be offended that someone just told me women do things that I certainly don't do. I'd be really offended by that statement.
zengirl Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 None of the guy friends I have think women play games and I think their mentality may have something to do with why they get along so well with women. They see women on the same level they are on. They relate to women and see similarities. It's easiest to get along with people you relate to. If you're not relating to women...open your mind a little bit and look for similarities. Word to this. My male friends definitely have mentioned at times if a certain gal is being ridiculous or doing something that's causing commotion in their lives, but they don't tend to be the kind of guys who go about analyzing women as a group or saying they "play games," etc. I find people who do that, and then claim the exception rule, to be a bit lame (i.e. "Men are terrible, and they're all liars. . . except you of course." I've heard girls with that attitude wonder why they don't have good male friends -- or even good men in their lives -- and, well, I think it's pretty self-explanatory.)
Author DimensionZero Posted July 23, 2010 Author Posted July 23, 2010 to the OP: There is little wrong with a person who desires *friends* in general and as a commonality to bond. Just some folks live in a bubble where they *assume* that someone MUST be hitting on them and if they arent then gosh they arent worth being around. I personally avoid that mentality and get to enjoy persons for their positives. Find positives in folks and accentuate your own traits, I'm sure you have some great ones! One being your honest . Yeah i don't like that mentality either. Or someone who 'assumes' stuff about you. Most guys desire sex. I do to, however i use a little restraint. If im not in a serious relationship with someone, i won't be having sex. I don't even really talk much about it or if im hanging with a guy friend i don't mention too much about sex or women. If i don't then would they assume im gay? Probably. I don't really like people assuming things about me & if some think its odd i don't talk about certain things or bring certain things up then they can. (i know thats probably weird lol) I only try to look for positives in people & avoid the negatives. If I were friends with you for a little while and you dropped that into a conversation with me, I'd be gone. Right at that moment. I don't know why this quote splits into 2, teh bbc code is malfunctioning. None of the guy friends I have think women play games and I think their mentality may have something to do with why they get along so well with women. They see women on the same level they are on. They relate to women and see similarities. It's easiest to get along with people you relate to. If you're not relating to women...open your mind a little bit and look for similarities. I happen to listen to Death Metal, by the way. \m/ But, that is a bit of a rarity with women and if you've been to Metal shows, you definitely know that so you're going to have a little bit of a tougher time. It would be hard for you to relate to someone who listens to Rap, Hip-Hop, R&B, Pop, Dance or Techno. Just because that makes it a little harder though doesn't make it impossible. Given that I said I'd walk away at the very moment you'd say women play games, you might be confused but I sure wouldn't be. I'd be offended that someone just told me women do things that I certainly don't do. I'd be really offended by that statement. "..but im really sick & tired of the games women play."[/Quote] Well, when i did say this i didn't really word it correctly, i should have said "..the women i talk to." But, i shouldn't have said it at all. It wasn't meant to offend anyone & sorry about that, i should just erase that . Really i just have trouble with 'certain' women that text at awkward moments or, one said she just wanted to be friends & didn't really treat me like a friend either. And a few other things that just bother me but not at a really bad level. Chances are if i know you really well & if something bugs me i would mention it. But not in the negative way like i sounded before. Of course i was pretty upset not only due to the fact the first person who responded was kinda rude & negative, it's also because i am getting pretty old & instead of going forward with the friendships they're going in reverse. And like i said im at the point of not caring anymore. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't like Death Metal, the screaming or the loudness. I do find it hard to try to be friends with anyone that listens to rap, hip hop or r&b. I do listen to very little hip hop, like maybe 2 songs (and some old skool stuff). Believe it or not i used to listen to more of that stuff including techno. I listen to Industrial or a mix of techno/industrial/metal stuff too. But the rap/hip hop, techno thing is a once in a blue moon kind of thing which is kinda random. Probablly when im feeling chill or something lol. Anyways since i have calmed down i have decided to take a step back & not worry too much about this problem, just to let it slide for now. But i do like suggestions & i think the first response i got out of this explains quite a bit why some women i talk to act funny or 'avoid' me. It does make sense, they probably expect me to make a move & when i don't they get frustrated & leave or avoid me. Funny thing though, sometimes this happens in a work environment. Other times were on myspace, sometimes the girl doesn't respond or right away doesn't seem all that interested, one actually lied to me about something because she said something & on her profile it says the exact opposite of what she just said. <-- yeah more odd people.
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