country Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 What do you do when you’re always the one paying to get you and your spouse out of a jam when money is involved? I’ve been doing this for 14 yrs now. When something needs to get paid in the hundreds or thousands I am always the one paying for it by myself. This has left me in debt two times already. When it’s time to pay it back I need help and I never get the help from my spouse not even half. He says he doesn’t make enough money to help me pay it back and if he did he would. So why do I feel used, I am sick and tired of doing it alone. If it weren’t for me dishing out the money we would’ve been homeless and hungry many times. I don’t mind paying half but I have to pay for it all because he never has any money. What should I do I need my spouse to help his wife out. I told him if I needed some money from him I guess I wouldn’t get it because he never has any money. I would be up shi_’s creek without a paddle if I had to depend on him. I don’t know what else to do?
hopesndreams Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 You feel burdened. If he had the money, he would help, yes? Your M is a partnership. What is yours is his and vice versa.
TaraMaiden Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 You can do one of three things: Go to a financial counsellor and get your H to pay a percentage proportion of everything, so at least he knows what it feels like to make a financial commitment. Get a bill-payment bank account set up, and put 50% of both salaries in, to cover expenses. Ditch the guy and show him what it's really like to have to stand on your own two feet, make ends meet pay your way and have to rein in.
Author country Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 If he had the money, he would help, yes? The answer to the question, I really can't say if he would help because he's never had any money to help me pay for anything. I'm still waiting to see if one day he has some money to help me pay for all the money I've spend by using my credit cards and taking out 2 personal loans five years apart from one another. They say you can do bad all by yourself, I feel as though I am carrying the load all the time.
hopesndreams Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 If his situation, money wise, does not change, what then?
denise_xo Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 If he had the money, he would help, yes? The answer to the question, I really can't say if he would help because he's never had any money to help me pay for anything. I'm still waiting to see if one day he has some money to help me pay for all the money I've spend by using my credit cards and taking out 2 personal loans five years apart from one another. They say you can do bad all by yourself, I feel as though I am carrying the load all the time. So, what you're saying is that he never holds a job? Why is that? And why are your putting up with it? And is he doing something else in return?
TaraMaiden Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 If he had the money, he would help, yes? The answer to the question, I really can't say if he would help because he's never had any money to help me pay for anything. I'm still waiting to see if one day he has some money to help me pay for all the money I've spend by using my credit cards and taking out 2 personal loans five years apart from one another. They say you can do bad all by yourself, I feel as though I am carrying the load all the time. I hope you can forgive this, but.... It seems to me as if you are actively enabling his total financial apathy and selfishness. He knows, if push comes to shove, that you'll take the rap, carry the load and deal with the financial issue, so - heck, if it ain't broke, why fix it? I mean, you're responsible, right? You would rather step up to the plate and take the bullet, rather than let anything unsettle your credit rating and financial stability? You're trustworthy, reliable and conscientious. so clearly, he is of the opinion that it only takes one of you to deal with the crap, he doesn't need to do anything. Looking at the stark, heartless black-and-white of it - you sure are a sucker for it, aren't you? I'm sorry, but in my opinion (and I'm sorry it's such a "slap-up-de-head" one) you need to surprise him, and the next time he creates a financial hole for himself, you abdicate all responsibility, and refuse to bail him out. presumably, you have all the paperwork concerning all the debt you've dealt with. Throw the book at him, and sue him for half of it. Put him in the position that he has no choice but to have to fend for himself. Because up to now, you've put him in the oh-so-comfortable position of doing phukk-all.
Office-Space Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 I have to agree with TaraMaiden. Also, I'm not sure an adult can learn responsiblity if they didn't learn it in their formative years - kinda "can't teach an old dog new tricks" sort of thing. His irresponsibility may eventually bankrupt you and will probably always make your life tougher than it should be. If there are no kids involved, then I would give him an ultimatum and be prepared to split if he doesn't hold up his end of the bargain.
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