counterman Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 1) First meeting, having a conversation and the guy asks you out or for your number (to set up a date later) OR 2) A few meetings to get to know the guy and he asks you out OR 3) Become friends first and then he'll ask you out I know there is a gray area but I have found that with my friends who are all in relationships, they were originally friends with their significant other before dating. In fact, I can't think of any who were not friends before dating!
brokendream Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 1) First meeting, having a conversation and the guy asks you out or for your number (to set up a date later) OR 2) A few meetings to get to know the guy and he asks you out OR 3) Become friends first and then he'll ask you out I know there is a gray area but I have found that with my friends who are all in relationships, they were originally friends with their significant other before dating. In fact, I can't think of any who were not friends before dating! I can't really see how 2 or 3 apply if this is someone you have met for the first time. In order to ask her out you will need her number. How will you have meetings if you don't ask her out? 3 only really applies to people if you are already friends. Have you someone in mind? Might be a little easier to understand Personally either approach would be good but it depends on how close you are in the first place.
Author counterman Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 In my case, it's a university environment, so you do see people again. Plus, some people ask to "meet up" rather than on a date, which some girls would agree to over a date. 3 applies in the sense that I've noticed that you meet someone new, maybe with a group of others, become closer friends and then the guy asks the girl out. I do have someone in mind... we've only been introduced and haven't spoken yet and considering the last couple of times I used 1, and how it didn't turn out too well, maybe I should try something else.
brokendream Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 Ok that makes a lot of sense! I'm a student myself and I'd find it a bit weird if someone from college just asked me out out of the blue but then again I'm doing my degree part time so we don't spend a lot of time together. I've met so many great male friends through college and I see them differently now than I did when we first met so getting to know her first would be a good idea. Maybe try to meet with her a couple of times and see how you go from there. You don't want to get stuck in the friend category so I wouldn't play it too cool either. Have you any excuse to meet up? Are you in any of the same classes?
redmelon Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 I think trying to establish a friendship is the best idea, especially in a college environment. It would put me at ease that you aren't just trying to pull a "stick and move".
zengirl Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 I've dated a couple guys who were my friends first, but we were friends for a long time (over a year for the shortest time period) first. All the other guys I dated asked me out immediately. Honestly, I don't think it matters if she's interested. If she's not interested, being her friend first is best, but going into a friendship knowing you'd rather date the girl strikes me as kind of creepy, self-defeating, and painful. I guess guys do that, though.
Author counterman Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 Ok that makes a lot of sense! I'm a student myself and I'd find it a bit weird if someone from college just asked me out out of the blue but then again I'm doing my degree part time so we don't spend a lot of time together. I've met so many great male friends through college and I see them differently now than I did when we first met so getting to know her first would be a good idea. Maybe try to meet with her a couple of times and see how you go from there. You don't want to get stuck in the friend category so I wouldn't play it too cool either. Have you any excuse to meet up? Are you in any of the same classes? We don't share of the same classes; she is a year below me. However, we do hang out in the same area with lots of other people around. An issue is that she's always with her friends (all guys). I can think of reasons for us to meet up but have to talk to her first I am usually a forward guy and although some girls do admire my confidence, I don't think their initially really interested to go out on a date with someone they don't know. It's the way it is here. What if it is someone I don't see very often? Would I be better of to play it safe and just ask to meet up or ask her out on a date straight away? I think trying to establish a friendship is the best idea, especially in a college environment. It would put me at ease that you aren't just trying to pull a "stick and move". I'm starting to come around with this view. I wouldn't want to be friendzoned though.
Author counterman Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 I've dated a couple guys who were my friends first, but we were friends for a long time (over a year for the shortest time period) first. All the other guys I dated asked me out immediately. Honestly, I don't think it matters if she's interested. If she's not interested, being her friend first is best, but going into a friendship knowing you'd rather date the girl strikes me as kind of creepy, self-defeating, and painful. I guess guys do that, though. How did it turn out? Because I see a lot of my friends dating their friends, whom they have known for a long time. I agree. If a girl is interested, it wouldn't matter. That's why I was thinking maybe 1 is most efficient way to see who's interested and who's not. However, one of the girls I have asked out after talking to her a bit, says she doesn't date people she does not know well. I honestly think she wasn't interested... but with the majority of my friends dating friends, maybe I should get to know them more. I would never, ever go into a friendship with a girl I am interested in knowing that the girl isn't interested in me. I might be her friend... but I'll be dating other girls. You see, some guys do that, and they wait until the right moment to ask her out and there is no dating stage. It is like straight into a relationship.
zengirl Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 How did it turn out? Because I see a lot of my friends dating their friends, whom they have known for a long time. We're still friends, in both cases, but not as close (That's partially because I've traveled around a bit, and one of them is married; likely, would've happened anyway). I agree. If a girl is interested, it wouldn't matter. That's why I was thinking maybe 1 is most efficient way to see who's interested and who's not. However, one of the girls I have asked out after talking to her a bit, says she doesn't date people she does not know well. I honestly think she wasn't interested... but with the majority of my friends dating friends, maybe I should get to know them more. I would never, ever go into a friendship with a girl I am interested in knowing that the girl isn't interested in me. I might be her friend... but I'll be dating other girls. You see, some guys do that, and they wait until the right moment to ask her out and there is no dating stage. It is like straight into a relationship. Some girls (particularly in college) don't date people they don't know well; she could be telling the truth. . . hard to know. I definitely suggest making some female friends. Even if you don't date them, female friends might wind up setting you up with girls you like. That's happened to me with my male friends. Yes, the good thing about being friends first is you skip the "dating" stage. And the bad thing. I used to hate that stage when I was younger, but now I really like it.
brokendream Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 You have more chance of her going out on a date with you if she knows you a bit better so I'd still try and meet up a few times before you ask her for a date. If that's the way things are done where you live (it's like that where i live too) then asking her out on a date straight away might get a negative response. The problem here is how do you find a reason to meet up with her? Have you mutual friends that could arrange a kind of group meeting? Then you could at least get chatting to her and suggest other things like meeting for a coffee on breaks etc.
Author counterman Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 We're still friends, in both cases, but not as close (That's partially because I've traveled around a bit, and one of them is married; likely, would've happened anyway). Some girls (particularly in college) don't date people they don't know well; she could be telling the truth. . . hard to know. I definitely suggest making some female friends. Even if you don't date them, female friends might wind up setting you up with girls you like. That's happened to me with my male friends. Yes, the good thing about being friends first is you skip the "dating" stage. And the bad thing. I used to hate that stage when I was younger, but now I really like it. Well, I heard from my other friends that she was asking them for some insight into what I was like. I was thinking... why not figure out for yourself? Isn't that why we're meeting up? I didn't know how to take it because she wanted to meet up with me but said we weren't dating and that she only dated people she knew. Maybe she was trying to get to know me before deciding if she wants to date? I don't know. That sounds like a good idea, making female friends. Some of the girls I have met (whom I weren't interested in), showed interested in me and I think it is because they really got to know me. And, one of my girl friends has suggested setting me up with one of her friends. So, I think making more female friends is good. I like the dating stage too... and have never thought about dating any of my friends because I am not attracted to any. You have more chance of her going out on a date with you if she knows you a bit better so I'd still try and meet up a few times before you ask her for a date. If that's the way things are done where you live (it's like that where i live too) then asking her out on a date straight away might get a negative response. The problem here is how do you find a reason to meet up with her? Have you mutual friends that could arrange a kind of group meeting? Then you could at least get chatting to her and suggest other things like meeting for a coffee on breaks etc. Upon introduction, I said my name and she said her name. She has an unusual name... so I tried to spell it and, of course, spelt and pronounced it wrong. She said "that's okay! you can call me that if you want :)". Then, unfortunately, I had to go. She's been on my mind between all the other girls I have met. Yes, I agree with you, I will try to meet up with her a few times. I have noticed an activity that she does quite often at the social area, and thought that I might ask her for a game against me. My mutual friends sometimes sit with her and her friends and just talk so maybe I could be with my friends and they could join us? That's the thing... should I just seize an opportunity if it comes or make an approach? It's not a big deal or anything and I do have a lot of other things to focus on but you know, just a bit of excitement!
aerogurl87 Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 I prefer becoming friends first because then usually I can gauge his character traits alot better that way. With that knowledge I can discern if he is in fact someone I'd like to date or someone I don't want to date and it could also save a friendship from not being ruined.
brokendream Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 Asking her for a game is a good idea...do that and then take it from there. See how it goes after that.
Author counterman Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 I prefer becoming friends first because then usually I can gauge his character traits alot better that way. With that knowledge I can discern if he is in fact someone I'd like to date or someone I don't want to date and it could also save a friendship from not being ruined. One of my girl friends said expressed that exact same reason for becoming friends first. She said that the guys she dated who asked her out soon after meeting all ended up being jerks. But, say, if you break-up with a friend, and he still remains your friend, is there any chance that you two could get back together? One of my friends is still friends with her ex and her ex and her current boyfriend are friends... I don't know, wouldn't it be a little awkward? My ex wanted to remain friends with me... but I just couldn't. It was a shame because we got along really well and probably could have been closer friends if it hadn't been for the relationship. But, I wouldn't say I was her friend to begin with in the first place. Asking her for a game is a good idea...do that and then take it from there. See how it goes after that. I'll do that and tell you how it goes when it happens. Just for future references, so I can get some perspectives on this, what approach does everyone else prefer (regardless of my situation)?
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