Lou2010 Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 It has been said in the past that its 'every man's dream to have a doting wife at home and a jealous mistress in the background'. given a few of these posts are around jealousy, how accurate do you think this saying is? there will inevitably be some guys who do get a kick out of this but i wonder if it is a more common fantasy than I initially thought? if this is the case, is a lot of the 'puppy dog eys/i am suffering too/i have depression/anxiety/feel guilty' all just one big ruse and that actually he is living the dream and might even be trying to make you jealous or p*ss you off to get a reaction from you and make him feel 'all man'! it makes me shudder to think this is the case but it could well be in which case some of these guys are even worse than i thought and are displaying psychotic behaviour (they do say one in 20 is a psychopath not trying to be alarmist here but.....)
OWoman Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 It has been said in the past that its 'every man's dream to have a doting wife at home and a jealous mistress in the background'. No, I don't believe that. It may be true for SOME men, but certainly not for EVERY man.
Author Lou2010 Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 yes, think you're right. it came into my mind today as i was reading through all the posts around jealousy (read it somewhere some time ago). i hope it isnt the case!
pureinheart Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 yes, think you're right. it came into my mind today as i was reading through all the posts around jealousy (read it somewhere some time ago). i hope it isnt the case! I would say it's most mens dream...I mean if not even a fleeting thought, not acted upon, but still a thought:)
hopesndreams Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 'every man's dream to have a doting wife at home and a jealous mistress in the background'. Having 2 women wanting him. What an ego boost! It shows him to be insecure and having low self-esteem. For some reason, that's appealing for the weak minded female to try and vie for his affections. It's an ego boost for them as well.
Silly_Girl Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 'every man's dream to have a doting wife at home and a jealous mistress in the background'. Having 2 women wanting him. What an ego boost! It shows him to be insecure and having low self-esteem. For some reason, that's appealing for the weak minded female to try and vie for his affections. It's an ego boost for them as well. My experience of being involved with a married man has actually meant the opposite. Not an ego boost in any way. Far from it. I suppose perhaps if the affair leads to a permanent relationship PERHAPS this may be the case, but from the reading I've done on here, the majority of posters, including the affair partners, are certainly not so shallow as that. And to be honest, I even suspect that if any OW would claim that their relationship DOES boost their ego, many are lying to themselves.
hopesndreams Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 My experience of being involved with a married man has actually meant the opposite. Not an ego boost in any way. Far from it. I suppose perhaps if the affair leads to a permanent relationship PERHAPS this may be the case, but from the reading I've done on here, the majority of posters, including the affair partners, are certainly not so shallow as that. And to be honest, I even suspect that if any OW would claim that their relationship DOES boost their ego, many are lying to themselves. But they are in competition with another female. Only problem with that is, the BW doesn't know there is a competition. It's a secret pact. So, there really is no competition, except in their own minds. Being in a R in the first place, with someone married, is a lie anyways. So, yes, they are lying to themselves and getting an ego boost from it. They are "oh so special" to be able to steer, and perhaps steal, a M man away from his W. Yes, this is the way those that are in it for the long term think. Those that are in it for cheap thrills, wouldn't give a toss.
TaraMaiden Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 I like this saying/caveat: "Whenever a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy..."
Feelin Frisky Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 It's horse puckey. I never thought that way an find it a rank insult for some such saying to include me. Must have been penned by a real male chauvanist who had the errant balls to project his dysfunction on to his gender to make himself artifically self-justified.
hopesndreams Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 I like this saying/caveat: "Whenever a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy..." Deep.
Silly_Girl Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 But they are in competition with another female. Only problem with that is, the BW doesn't know there is a competition. It's a secret pact. So, there really is no competition, except in their own minds. Being in a R in the first place, with someone married, is a lie anyways. So, yes, they are lying to themselves and getting an ego boost from it. They are "oh so special" to be able to steer, and perhaps steal, a M man away from his W. Yes, this is the way those that are in it for the long term think. Those that are in it for cheap thrills, wouldn't give a toss. I am sure you mis-read my post, or perhaps I wasn't clear. The 'lying to themselves' part, in my post, was that some OW may claim to find the situation an ego-boost but in fact it rarely is and I think if they claim it as such they possibly aren't being honest with themselves and truly facing what being the OW means and how it can leave them feeling.
hopesndreams Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 I am sure you mis-read my post, or perhaps I wasn't clear. The 'lying to themselves' part, in my post, was that some OW may claim to find the situation an ego-boost but in fact it rarely is and I think if they claim it as such they possibly aren't being honest with themselves and truly facing what being the OW means and how it can leave them feeling. Why be an OW if it doesn't feel good?
Silly_Girl Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 Why be an OW if it doesn't feel good? Quite. If you read round you'll see lots of different perspectives. Sometimes the OW doesn't know he's married. Sometimes they believe him to be separated. Sometimes it feels good in the beginning, and then feels pretty damn 'orrible by the end. There's lots of scenarios, but if you look at the posts you'll see there are few OW who are thriving on the scenario or enjoying the reality of the situation. Plenty of people are in relationships they don't feel good about, or are hoping to improve. Single and married.
jj33 Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 I think most people who are secure in themselves would prefer to have it all with their wife. Living 2 lives is not a great way to live unless you are VERY bored and lack any real empathy for your spouse. I think that is a very old school saying where the wife was seen as being a very maternal figure not in a sexual way.
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