feelingfine Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 Having lived without my STBX now for over a year, my kids and I have settled into a new normal. Things are pretty good...having said that, I still miss my "best friend." I miss just the comfort of always knowing someone has your back. I miss the good guy that he was/could be...and now is giving all of that support to the OW. How have you all moved past that?
spriggig Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 You be your own best friend, you have your own back and you depend on yourself--you become a whole person. Or, you move on to someone else and let them fill that role, that void. I suppose you could do neither and just suffer alone, too. It's not easy to become a whole person, self-sufficient in every possible way ("No man is an island"). Most people never achieve this, I certainly haven't. But, that is the healthiest path. The goal is well understood, the path there is our personal journey--keep your eyes on the prize, I guess.
Author feelingfine Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 Spriggig, thanks! You are right!! Learning to be my own fantastic person and standing strong on my own! I think I am doing a pretty good job of it!! Life is a journey I suppose...making the most of it is key!
LittleTiger Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 (edited) While I completely agree with what Spriggig says, in that it's good to become a whole person etc etc, I don't believe that human beings are supposed to be alone. I've been living alone for two years now, as I did before I moved in with my very stbxh (2 days to go!). I actually quite like living alone. I like the peace, the space and the freedom. I've learnt a lot about myself in the past two years. Separation and divorce has a way of forcing you to grow I think, and I've also had a lot of personal therapy. I still wouldn't choose to live alone though. I love being in a good relationship. Nothing beats it for me. So, when I was ready, I got myself a new best friend. Ironically, I still live alone because we're ultra long distance (12,000 miles!) but it's great having someone to share stuff with again. I think it's normal to miss what we had, if it was good. It's also normal to want to find it again with someone new. If you've reached the point of being settled and things are 'pretty good', you might be ready to open yourself up to the possibility of a new best friend. Good luck with your new life, whatever direction it takes you. Edited July 18, 2010 by LittleTiger
2.50 a gallon Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 (edited) feelingfine My situation happened decades ago, and I also had the advantage of not having kids to worry about, so I was free to follow any path I should happen to run across. For me, I went back to dating, that filled some of the loss and restored my manhood. I made dozens of new friends, who introduced me to many new happenings in my life, such as new foods. I gave up on fast foods. I was a good cook before we separated, and afterwards decided to become an even better cook. I tried many new recipes, and learned to treat myself to a well cooked meal each and every night. Time spent cooking was time I did not think about my loss. And it also enhanced my social skills to be able to invite a new love interest to my place for a better than average meal. I went back to my hobbies, and was able to pursue them without having to take time out to socialize with the XW. I learned to like living alone as I had more time to spend doing the things that I was most interested in. But there is a danger there, as I got so into living by myself that it was years before I was able to let someone back into my life Luckily someone special did come back into my life and LT is right we are not meant to live alone, I am so much more happier now that I have found someone to share my life with again. And that is the key, when love knocks again, and it will when you least expect it, answer. Do not let the fear of being hurt again cause you to panic and run out the back door Edited July 20, 2010 by 2.50 a gallon
Author feelingfine Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 thanks 2.50! Some fantastic suggestions!! I too love to cook and have thought of taking some culinary classes! Have an advanced degree in Psychology, but really love to chop in the kitchen!!
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