amythan Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 Hi, I need some advice on this situation as it is driving me crazy. We start to get closer six months ago when he started to contact me every day. We chat all day long and he is all the time interested in my things. We went out several times (we are not based in the same place) and se sleept together. Sex is amazing. I talked to him because I was under the impression that this is a fwb situation. He said it is but if he has to chose he prefers the friendship than sex. Fair enough. I told him I do not want to act as a couple, no dating, no intimacy. Let's face it we start this because of the attraction, because we like each other but ... We were not really friends ! From this day, he still contacts me to chat on a daily basis and yesterday he told me he want to spend a weekend with me traveling. What is all this about ? Sex is great but c'mon he can sleep with other people easily. And even more, I told him we can have the sex part but I do not want to pretend we are a couple. Why is he acting like that ?? Thanks for your comments.
nlw82 Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 Not totally sure what you are trying to say here, but it sounds like he is using you for a booty call. IMO you shouldn't degrade yourself like that.
zengirl Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 I think FWB is good for people who want to date someone/sleep with someone/hang with someone regularly without having to commit emotionally or invest anything, really, in the relationship. When you're young, depending on who you are, this can work for you. For some guys, it really is more than the sex, I think. (I've never had a FWB, but I'm getting this from my male friends.) It's the comfort, someone to talk to, and someone to have sex with, but without the expectations of a relationship. I think guys tend to do this when they're not in the mood for a serious relationship/haven't met anyone they really like in awhile. I don't think they have a lot of room to progress to real relationships but can cool down into decent friendships, at best, sometimes. I'm by no means an expert, so take all this with a grain of salt.
looktothelight Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 By what I just read and my personal opinion, you have led him to believe this is a no commitment fwd 'fling' so to say. Because yousaid you don't want to act like a couple. You guys just need to have a talk about where you stand, what you want, and if what each of you wants can be provided by the other.
Serenitynow Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 Not totally sure what you are trying to say here, but it sounds like he is using you for a booty call. IMO you shouldn't degrade yourself like that. Thats a total sexist remark. So because shes female its degrading for her to want sex ? Shes allowed to have as much sex as she wants, with it being no one else's business. And how is he using her ? Shes the one that wants the FWB. Some people will tell you the earth is flat no matter what the proof is. .
carhill Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 Is all this just about sex ? If you met up on a mutually agreeable regular schedule and had sex and then parted ways without any discourse about or interest in each other's lives, then yup it's about sex. NSA sex. Is that what's going on here? You mentioned 'going out'. So, if so, you and he are being seen together in public. You mentioned he contacts you about things other than arranging sex. That's getting awfully close to being friendly, if you're reciprocating. Sounds to me like you need to communicate some clear boundaries or the sex stops. For NSA to work, *both* parties need to be able to compartmentalize sexual pleasure from emotions and psychological attachment. If either can't do that, NSA will fail. Think of it as masturbating with a fantasy. Once the orgasm occurs, fantasy is over, pleasure is achieved and one goes on about their daily routine without a care, until the next time they desire the fantasy. The content of the fantasy, otherwise, is irrlevant. Now, apply that to a human. NSA means that the human, other than for sex, is irrelevant. Sounds like this guy can't make that leap and you can. There's conflict. Hope it works out
Author amythan Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 He was pursuing me full force and always caring and sweet. We went out several times and always had a blast. He asks about my life and is always very interested on my things. I thought we wanted more than sex but HE said we are fwb. We were not cose friends, this starting as flirting and dating. So i told him i was fine BUT i need to protect myself, i do not want to develop feelings but he is acting as if we were dating. He told me that if he has to chose between going out for dinner and sex, he choses dinner ! Meaning that he cares about me and he does not want to lose me, which makes no sense because we were not that friends. He does not respect the boundaries, contacts me every day, wants to sleepover, want a full weekend on holiday together .. I do not get his behaviour but perhaps it is me. For me fwb is not an open relationship and holding hands, kisses on the forehead, holidays and dating things are not appropiate. He says one thing and he does another one. For me fwb works fine but not if we act as a couple.
Feelin Frisky Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 If I understand you right this seems to be another strange case of guy going female which starts with all kinds of conditions and complexities about sex. I suspect that any guy who suddenly doesn't want to have sex "for a while or some such" has contractd VD elsewhere and doesn't want you to get it or know that he got it. Sorry but life's tough sometimes.
Author amythan Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 Oh no, he wants sex but he says that if he had to chose he values more our friendship !
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