ALittleWorried Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 Long story short: Been seeing a girl for the last 12 months. She didn't want anything serious as she had this overseas trip planned which she's on now. She's gone for 6 weeks (4 more weeks to go). We both got pretty serious in that time and to say we're not a couple is a joke. However, she had friends talking in her ear, telling her that she NEEDED to be single when travelling overseas, so she couldn't commit to not hooking up but wanted to continue things with me when she got back. By hooking up, I mean this girl wouldn't go past mild foreplay. I won't get into her personality and such.. Anyway, 4 days into her trip she told me that she kissed two guys. We had a pact that we would tell eachother if we were to hook up with anyone so the other party could make a decision on what they wanted. She didn't want me leading her on and she didn't want to lead me on. Anyway, she sent me this email after hitting me with the bad news. You know i'm not one for many words so im just going to try keep it short and sweet. ok, firstly you know i've always been honest you and always will be. I wanted to tell you i hooked up with those guys but i couldnt find the right time to tell you. I dont know what i was thinking. You know i told you all along that i wanted to come here single, but hooking up with those 2 guys made me realise how much you meant to me. In the next 5 weeks, i dont want to be with anyone else so if you were to call me your girlfriend it would make me so happy and i'd make sure you wouldnt regret it. I'm sorry it took me to hurt you to realise that you are what i want and that 'having fun' is not all about hooking up with other guys. I'm saying i want to be with you, and that im going to be faithful but it obviously cant get anymore serious until i get back. I might not say i love you everyday yet but i do want to be with you and want us to make things right. I'm sure i want us to work, and hope you can forgive me i have not stopped thinking about you, as soon as i got to singapore airport i couldnt wait to email you, and i'm sorry if i didnt sound happy on the phone, but i really was sooo happy to talk to you. i do miss you sooo much and cant wait to see you when i get back. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx p.s i know im very lucky to have you Since that email, things have felt so much better. We're talking everyday, keeping eachother informed on what's going on in our lives, and it feels like we're still in a relationship. However, part of me is scared that something is going to happen in the next 4 weeks. When she told me she hooked up, that night, I phoned a booty call and did a little more than what she did. I thought it was going to make me feel better but it didn't. Now she's not a heartless bitch and I know she wouldn't have sent that to me if she had intentions of fooling around. This is probably one of the few girls i've been with that I can trust with my life. I always have "worst case scenarios" in my head though and I just hope that nothing else happens. In simple terms, if it did, I wouldn't take her back... Guys... thoughts? Would you send someone you've now realised that you're in love with an email of that nature and continue fooling around? Again, I know I can only answer that question knowing this girl, but I'm looking for advice from an outsiders perspective. Thanks heaps!
TaraMaiden Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 However, part of me is scared that something is going to happen in the next 4 weeks. To, or for, whom? You, or her? She's committed. She's told you that by e-mailing you. When she told me she hooked up, that night, I phoned a booty call and did a little more than what she did. I thought it was going to make me feel better but it didn't. Unsurprising. One, revenge booty always feels liks pschyt, and two, because you have feelings for her, it didn't feel right. Quit doing it. Guys... thoughts? Would you send someone you've now realised that you're in love with an email of that nature and continue fooling around? Do you feel like fooling around again? Are you going to make another booty call, regardless? If you know you didn't like it last time, and now she's been upfront and honest, and admitted her feelings for you are deeper than even she realised - why can't you believe her? Trust me, if she'd kissed a couple of guys and had enjoyed it - she wouldn't have told you. She would have simply come back and told you it wasn't going to work. The fact that she took the time, and made the effort to mail you, 'fess up and open her heart, I think is a pretty strong indicator that she's seriously keen on you. I'd absolutely shut up about your stupid booty call, set your mind on her return and keep in touch with her. (see, if you play with fire, you get burned, huh?) She sounds like a potential keeper, so maybe you should focus on building the R, not on your own insecurity and doubts. if indeed, that's what's bothering you.
Author ALittleWorried Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 Thanks for the speedy reply Tara. In relation to my worries about something happening in the next 4 weeks, it was in relation to her, not me. I wasn't planning on hooking up with anyone at all whilst she was abroad. However, before she left, she couldn't assure me that nothing was going to happen. Again, this comes down to her honesty and telling it like it is. Knowing what kind of girl she is, I did have a feeling she'd have regrets if she was to play hook up. Some of her friends (who she's not even travelling with mind you) think differently and have that mentality in their heads that you MUST be single when travelling. Anyway, I don't plan on contacting my booty call again. I'm just hoping that my girl stays true to her word. As much as I care about her, if it was to happen again, I'd simply move on. I do think she's a keeper though and I can't wait for her to return. Again, thanks for the reply.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 Guys... thoughts? Would you send someone you've now realised that you're in love with an email of that nature and continue fooling around? Again, I know I can only answer that question knowing this girl, but I'm looking for advice from an outsiders perspective. Thanks heaps! Seriously guy... she has you on the bubble. If she thought you were worth it.. then she wouldn't have wanted to do the trip "single" in the first place. My advice is this... tell her the whole story... booty call and all. If she sticks around... then maybe you might have something in the future.... but I doubt it. I would keep an eye to this girl in the future no matter what you do. The way she says these things reminds me of some hardcore cheats I have known.
Author ALittleWorried Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 Seriously guy... she has you on the bubble. If she thought you were worth it.. then she wouldn't have wanted to do the trip "single" in the first place. My advice is this... tell her the whole story... booty call and all. If she sticks around... then maybe you might have something in the future.... but I doubt it. I would keep an eye to this girl in the future no matter what you do. The way she says these things reminds me of some hardcore cheats I have known. Read my other threads in relation to this trip. She was with her ex for 5 1/2 years. He returned from abroad and told her he didn't know what he wanted. She booked her trip not long ago, not thinking that she was going to fall for someone in that time. On our first date, she told me about her trip and told me that she didn't want anything serious. At the beginning, I told her that I didn't care what happened overseas, understandably, I didn't care for her that much back then. She's not that kind of girl. I've been with many women in my time and although you can't always pick them, I know a lot about this girl and I'm pretty sure in saying that she's not heartless in that way.
that girl Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 This is really such a messed up story. Did you talk to her before you left about how you didn't want her to be with anyone else or did you just wait for the email. When she told me she hooked up, that night, I phoned a booty call and did a little more than what she did. I thought it was going to make me feel better but it didn't. You need to tell her about this. She has been upfront with you and this kind of sounds like cheating. She had the messed up free pass from you, but fooling around with someone after she says she wants to be faithful is pretty messed up. I get that you wanted revenge, but you can't have your cake and eat it too.
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