Author hurts to breathe Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 So I did make it through the goodbye!! No tears until after he left. Broke down and am not hanging with friends. Will stay strong and take it one day at a time l.
spiderowl Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 I'm sorry for what's happened and how hurt you must feel. However, I don't feel you should be blaming yourself because you reacted in an extreme way. You have been under a lot of pressure, facing uncertainty and a man who is drifting away rapidly. It's not surprising that this tension and emotion eventually came out. I've no doubt you regret what you did but, going on what you've said previously, he was opting out of the marriage anyway and nothing you could have said or done would have made any difference. That's my opinion anyway. I really do feel he 'left' mentally some time ago. I don't think, like others do, that he was inevitably having an affair. He may have met someone he was attracted to and it shook him up into realising that he didn't have the same feelings for you any more. I'm sorry, it must really hurt to hear this. People's feelings do change and it can be a gradual or sudden process. Your feelings hadn't changed and you still wanted to be with him. It's a painful situation. He has been saying the classic lines you'd expect from someone who knows their feelings have changed but also knows they care for the person they are no longer in love with. I'm sure when you have come through this separation that there may still be a friendship there. For the moment though, what you have done sounds right for you. He says you crossed a line but he crossed it some time ago and put you into an impossible, no-win situation. I'm sure neither of you did any of this deliberately. As I say, people's feelings change. There is no accounting for this sometimes: it just happens and we end up dealing with the painful consequences. Things to remember are that this has nothing to do with your value as a person or a woman. It is a natural stage, separation - people come together and also they drift apart. If you accept that it is a natural process and that, although painful, it will end up with you being your own person again and perhaps finding a better life and relationship, it will be easiser for you to deal with. Once again, I'm sorry this has happened. I do know what it feels like. Good luck.
Author hurts to breathe Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 Spiderowl- I feel what u are saying and if I didn't know better I might question if you are him and this is his screen name. Lol! Just kidding. He has really claimed all along that he is just not been happy with us. I only want to believe it is another women so i can hate him. I don't think there is an affair that has been going on. I do feel and he admitted to today that he may have opened up to her more because his feelings had changed for me. He swears she is not the reason. I know we will be good friends in the end. As weird as it sounds we have grown closer as friends as we have moved apart as a couple. I did tell him today that i am very aware that one person can not save a marriage if the other person doesn't have the feelings anymore. I have given up all hope or thoughts about us getting back together in the future. I truly believe we have grown out of our feelings of being in love as opposed to loving each other. Yes i was somewhat blindsided by it but am coming to see the same things within myself if i am truly honest. It is just so hard to let go of 16years together. Honestly we probably should have done this a long time ago as we realized we were kind of both hanging on out of fear and the Letting go of so many years. We had drifted apart and were really living two separate lives unless it had to do with the kids. We just couldnt see it before. I will say yes he did treat me badly/meanly throughout the years. He is a very selfish person but we did have a lot of wonderful years together too. We have two very well rounded boys that we manged to raise together and will continue to do so. Selfish or not he is wonderful father. Ultimatley that is what matters now is how we contnue to react together with the boys. I really beleive we will be those people that can still be Friends and not just "cordial" because wehaveto. Thank you for taking the time to post your thoughts.
BellaBellaBella Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 When men open up to another woman about their marriage they are closing the door to their marriage and opening it to a relationship be it only emotional with a woman. Your not a monster for throwing stuff at him. He threw first and you threw what you had in your hand, out of mental pain.
wrencn Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Hang in there. I'm on day 12 since he moved out. It was easier in the beginning but I've hit a rough few days. I just miss being a family and being married. I just wanted you to know you aren't alone. And you can be his friend, but don't try to be his friend now. Be your best friend and give yourself time to get over him.
Not strong enough Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I have 2 questions. Question one is this the first marriage for both of you, and question two are the children biologically his?
Author hurts to breathe Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Yes first marriage for both. yes biologicaly his children. We have been together since I was 16 and he 17. Since then I have been with noone else and he has strayed once.
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