How long should a first date last ?

[Serenitynow]

I dont know why the original thread dissapeared. It was posted by someone else. So I guess I'll start a new one.

 

 

How long should a first date last ?

 

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[Serenitynow]

As I tried to reply in the first thread. . . .

 

 

Someone mentioned to follow guidlines, because guidlines is not playing games

 

That is just a total cover up to calling it something other than it really is.

 

Anything you do to intentionally change how a person perceives you, or the situation is playin games.

 

So in other words, if I like the girl, and I want to spend more time with her, I should leave, to make her want me more.

 

That is game playing.

 

 

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Edited July 18, 2010 by Serenitynow

[yume]

Personally I don't think it should be excessively long, maybe 3 hours max. I don't think many people would be keen to spend an entire day with someone where things could turn out to be bad (incompatibility etc). Short and sweet and to the point is preferable.

[hopesndreams]

I consider it sparking her interest and not game playing. You have to make her wonder about you. It's like that saying, "How can I miss you if you don't go away?"

[Serenitynow]

I dont think there should be anything written in stone at all.

 

To each their own.

 

Just because 1000 people spent 1 hour on their date, has nothing to do with how long MY first date should last.

[hopesndreams]

I dont think there should be anything written in stone at all.

 

To each their own.

 

Just because 1000 people spent 1 hour on their date, has nothing to do with how long MY first date should last.

 

You are forgetting about somebody. It isn't just your first date, it's her's too.

[tigressA]

I've had quite a few first dates last an entire day. I don't think there should be a set time limit at all. If you're really getting along with the person and there's sparkage, why shouldn't you spend as much time on the first date as you want?

[Serenitynow]

I consider it sparking her interest and not game playing. You have to make her wonder about you. It's like that saying, "How can I miss you if you don't go away?"

 

 

Thats exactly whats causes problems in dating and relationships.

 

Now you are trying to change it to 'sparking interest" when you know its game playing.

 

All you are doing is trying to give it a different label.

[Serenitynow]

You are forgetting about somebody. It isn't just your first date, it's her's too.

 

MY first date would obviously have her included. Do you really think you need to bring it to my attention that she would be with me ?

 

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[hopesndreams]

How come everything that is said you consider it game playing? You are being obsessive.

[hopesndreams]

MY first date would obviously have her included. Do you really think you need to bring it to my attention that she would be with me ?

 

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:lmao:

 

Sorry

[Serenitynow]

How come everything that is said you consider it game playing? You are being obsessive.

 

You said 1 thing so far. that 1 thing you said was to not spend too much time on the date, to leave the person wanting more.

 

I said thats game playing.

 

Explain how that 1 thing is changed into EVERYTHING ?

[lso802]

Mine have lasted at least an hour to a whole day. I don't know how people manage 15 mins. coffee dates. It's something I want to try though out of curiousity.

[hopesndreams]

I have read your other posts on other threads and it seems to be the common theme with you.

[zengirl]

For a first meeting -- blind date, internet date, etc -- a short activity is the best plan, generally one that can be expanded if you hit it off (a glass of wine, a cup of coffee, whatever).

 

For anything else, as long as the date activity takes. I've had quite a few first dates last a whole day, or close to it. We didn't plan them to; we were just having a good time and thought of more things to do. However, with a new person or even relatively new (met a few times but don't know each other well), planning for a first date that is all day, or very long, with no outs, could be disastrous.

[Serenitynow]

I have read your other posts on other threads and it seems to be the common theme with you.

 

 

OK now that makes sense when referring to other posts.

 

Because it is all games.

 

Like I said.. . . if you are with someone and you feel like doing one thing, but you intentionally do something different, on purpose, soley to affect the other person outlook, than that is GAME PLAYING

 

It doesnt matter what label you put on it.

 

This is why so many people say " I dont play games, but I know other people do "

 

Those people seriously think they arent game players, because they find ways to justify their actions and think its not the same as others that play games.

 

 

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[hopesndreams]

When I think of game playing, lying springs to mind. Lying is abhorrent to me.

 

If there is game playing, on my part, it is truly unintentional.

 

In the early stages of a relationship, spending too much time with someone, too soon, can be the kiss of death.

[zengirl]

There are two kinds of games people play, for different reasons.

 

Games People Play for Control Some people play games because they truly want to toy with people and/or need control. They actively try to manipulate others. They lie. They have no interest in forming relationships based on honesty or anything real.

 

Games People Play for Social 'Norms' Then, there are people who are trying to replicate "ideal circumstances" and follow social norms. For instance, not spending too much time with someone at first. Really, busy, interesting people with full lives shouldn't HAVE too much time to spend with a new romantic interest. They should have to fit them in. That's why people pretend that they have to "fit people in." They don't know how to become busy and interesting, so they fake it till they make it. There are other ways these games replicate "ideal" circumstances. Basically, many people are unhealthy and form attachments too fast and use strategies like these --- I think strategies is a better word than games for these, really, because the people honestly are playing for real/for keeps and want honest relationships --- to simulate happy, healthy, normal lives and relationships.

 

For the latter: People who are healthy will often do the same things, though it won't be simulated --- it'll be natural.

[gamma1]

I don't think a first date should be too long becuase you don't know the person yet. Of course if you really like the person and you both have time, the date can always be extended for as long as you both want.

 

Lying is definitely game playing, but it is not the only game playing. Some of the most frustrating game playing I've had to deal with is when she intentionally makes herself nearly impossible to reach, yet is still interested. I'm not including when she's genuinely busy and tells me so.

 

Leaving you wanting more is usually not game playing, unless it is taken to extremes. For example, if you are on your 10th date and she won't tell you anything about her family.

[Serenitynow]

I agree with Zen

 

And I HATE the "pretend to be busy" crap the most.

 

I have never played games, changed my outlook, debated how to react to a situation, or anything such as that with anyone I have ever dated. And I have almost never had any issues anywhere near the ones that you read about on here on any given day. I think most of the people on here are playing around in one way or another, even if they dont realize it. I bet many of them when they write their posts, manipulate the story to gain favortism for their side of the argument. Dont assume everyone on here is an angel and its always the other persons fault that is on the other end of the story.

[EasyHeart]

Some people really ARE busy.

 

In my experience, if a woman is interested, she will make time to see you. If I ask a woman out a few times and she is always busy, then I figure she is not interested and I move on. If she is vague about why she is busy, I assume she is seeing someone else and I am a backup, so I move on.

 

BUT, if I ask a woman out a few times and she is always busy and (1) she counteroffers with times that she is available and/or (2) explains why she is busy (work, family commitments), then I continue to pursue her.

 

For me, first dates are always dinner. (Unless it's a blind date/setup, in which case it's meet for a drink, and I have a nearby restaurant already picked out in case things go well). The first thing I want to find out about a woman is whether she can carry on a conversation. If the conversation is slow and awkward, we can eat fast and get the hell out of there. But if it's a good date, we can eat slowly and linger. I went on a good first date a few weeks ago where dinner lasted for over 5 hours. (A bad one goes about 90 minutes).

[BubbleFreak]

I've only had one bf before, but our first date ended up lasting the entire day, morning until night. We just walked around exploring the city, chatting and really enjoying each other's company. Time just flew and then unfortunately we had to go home.

 

But yah I don't think there are set rules for how long first dates should go for. So many situations, so many preferences, just whatever suits you.

[brokendream]

I would say if you are having a good time just go with it and if the person doesn't seem right for you then cut it short...no point in wasting anyones time. A coffee date is good to start with if it's an internet date but if you already know the person then I'd go with something a bit longer.

[counterman]

If things are going well, there is no reason why you cannot extend the time you spend with your date, if it is okay with her. If things aren't going well, make it an excuse to bail out.

[prettybaby]

I don't think there are any rules. Our first date lasted approx 3 hours (from 8:30pm to 11:30pm). And it was perfect.