Does Approaching A Guy Really Make A Woman Look Easy or Desperate?

[jamesum]

Im a guy. I may be far from the most attractive but I have got some women showing interests in me. A few times (not often of course) be it at school, parties, or other public places I got women coming up to me and making friendly gestures toward me. Ill be honest most of the times they weren't my type, but not a single time I ever thought that they were easy or desperate. To me they were just people who took an interest in me and wanted to find out if I was also interested.

 

So I really dont understand where this stigma in society actually comes from which labels women who approach men first as easy or desperate?

 

I mean my own sister hasn't had a bf for god knows how long. I told her there are tons of guys at school for example. And she was like, "Yeah, but none of them makes a move on me." So I told her that then she should approach the guys who seem interested or she might have a chance with herself. She responded, "They will think Im easy and desperate." And I was like, "What?" I really wanted to tell her that she was going to die alone but I thought that would be way too mean.

 

Now once again who actually call women easy and desperate if they approach guys? I have a lot of guy friends and none of them think that making the initial move on a guy makes a woman looks easy. I dont know if Im hanging out with different kind of guys but somehow this belief seems very prevalent among women.

 

Is it some kind of Old Wives' Tale or what?

[riverguy]

No, it doesn't make a woman look easy or desperate.

[jamesum]

I never said it makes us look easy or desperate, I just said it's simply not something women generally do. Just like how little girls play with dolls and little boys play with guns. I suppose women are supposed to pee standing up now, too?

You know that in the past women werent supposed to get an education right? So I bet you never went to school then since its against 'nature'.

 

And also this thread is not related to your thread. Please dont ruin it with your angry stuff.

Edited July 18, 2010 by jamesum

[carhill]

OP, ask your sister why she would be trying to climb inside some guy's head and figure out what he's thinking when she walked up to him. It's not a marriage proposal.

 

Like yourself, I make no judgments when random women engage me out in the world. Most of the time, they're friendly and I return their generous spirit. I don't think they're 'hitting on me'. 9 times out of 10 (and I can't think of #10 right now), they're not. Unlike most men, women can and do approach the opposite gender with things other than sex and romance on their minds. TBH, since I've been married, the only ones who have come close to 'hitting on' me were married themselves. Thanks, I gave at the office

[BentSpine]

Like yourself, I make no judgments when random women engage me out in the world. Most of the time, they're friendly and I return their generous spirit.

I second this. An easy woman on the other hand, is a woman following the man into his private room seconds after getting into talking range. Groupies come to mind. Except if they're my groupies, of course.

[kdark]

Women just can't handle the pressure of the approach. They are too scared.

[BohemianLikeYou]

I've often been the one to break the ice. I've never, ever liked bar culture or club culture and I cannot stand how complicated so many dating books and websites can make socializing between men and women out to be. I've failed in some arenas but I've never aimed to make friends or (for lack of a better term) 'score' every time I talk to someone.

 

I've just always preferred to simplify. If I see a guy I like somewhere (it's actually usually that I HEAR a guy I like, when I hear an intelligent man I get happy!), I just talk to the guy like I'd talk to anyone else. I can't waste time trying to be 'coquettish' and giggly and all that stupid ****. I'm just me and if he's not into it, I'll just move on. I want a guy who can be confident, relaxed, and be himself. If he reacts to me approaching him first like I'm desperate, weird, or anything else it's like "Okay, you're not my kind of people" and I move on.

 

Sometimes I break the ice, sometimes I don't. I can't really do anything about it if any men or women around me come to the conclusion I'm desperate or easy because I choose to talk to someone. It's not something under my control, I just let them think that if they want to. The men and women I'm going to get along with won't think that way and they'll come along.

 

All those 'rules' and crap make my head hurt. I just toss all of that **** out the window and do my thing. It has worked out pretty good for me.

[jamesum]

Women just can't handle the pressure of the approach. They are too scared.

I understand if women are scared of rejection. After all, men too are mighty afraid of rejection.

 

But what I dont understand is the fear of looking easy and desperate. Its just a very stupid excuse not to make the initiative of getting to know someone you like.

[OpenBook]

I can tell you that it has never worked for me. Ever. Guys know what they want. If they want you, there's nothing you can (or have to) do about it. And if they don't want you (or didn't notice you), there's also nothing you can do to change that. All a girl can do is go about her business, and leave it up to the guys to make their presence known.

[TheLoneSock]

Any guy who thinks a girl must be easy or desperate to ask them out clearly has confidence and self-image issues.

 

It's as ridiculous a statement to make as a girl saying that any guy who doesn't ask her out must be avoiding her due to his low confidence, and not because he just isn't interested.

 

Catch my drift?

[jamesum]

I can tell you that it has never worked for me. Ever. Guys know what they want. If they want you, there's nothing you can (or have to) do about it. And if they don't want you (or didn't notice you), there's also nothing you can do to change that. All a girl can do is go about her business, and leave it up to the guys to make their presence known.

Wow, thats a very sad mentality. No offense, but you sound like you have self-esteem issue.

 

Anyway, yup you are right. Just leave it all up to the men as it has always been for the last 50,000 years. Why not also give up your voting right while we are at it?

Edited July 19, 2010 by jamesum

[jamesum]

feminism and the right to vote has nothing to do with a lady still wanting to be treated like a lady and be pursued. Just because women can earn (almost) as much as men and vote now, does not mean you still don't have to have respect for women and act like a gentlemen. Any man who thinks he doesn't have to open doors for women, pay for them on dates, stuff like that etc...has no respect for women and does not understand the feminist movement at all. The "game" of love and romance will never change.

.

A woman who wont make her man a sammich has no respect for him. A man has a need to feel respected and have his woman submit to him. A man want to be treated like a man. So a real lady has to cook and do laundry for him. Dont forget cleaning the house too.

Edited July 23, 2010 by jamesum

[OpenBook]

I've learned - the hard way, many times over - to not put any weight into what men SAY, and instead pay attention to what they actually DO.

[denise_xo]

I've taken the initiative with men several times, and don't see any reason not to just because I'm a woman. You have to be ready to take the risk of rejection, but that's what men do all the time anyway. I don't mind a rejection as long as it's delivered in a decent manner (and it usual is if you're dealing with a decent person). In any case, my assessment of their interest was usually correct - especially as I got older and more experienced at reading people. Sometimes the man explicitly appreciated it, saying things like 'I wanted to ask you to do whatever but didn't think you were interested' or something.

 

In short, I don't really see what the problem is.

[denise_xo]

A woman who wont make her man a sammich has no respect for him. A man has a need to feel respected and have his woman submit to him. A man want to be treated like a man. So a real lady has to cook and do laundry for him. Dont forget cleaning the house too.

 

:lmao: You forgot cleaning his feet after a day of hard work (once a tradition in certain social circles where I live).

 

WDB, it's just a bit of irony - in any case, why should men pay everything at the first string of dates if the woman has her own income? I've never understood why that part of dating culture is so persistent in some countries.

[jamesum]

You're clearly an ass.

And you are clearly a sexist person.

 

Look, I have no problem with women who like the traditional gender roles of women and want men who fit the traditional gender roles of men. I also have no problem with women who dont believe in traditional roles and want men who believe in complete equality as well like in Sweden.

 

But I have problem with women who want men to remain holding onto male traditional roles while they themselves are unwilling to live up to their own female traditional roles.

 

Men and women have roles. It's totally up to each person to chose whether to live by those roles or not. But to expect a woman to just walk up to you, ask you out, and hell, you probably wouldn't even mind if they paid for you, too...just so you don't have to do the work and then quite possibly get an easy lay at the end of the night...

Guys who do that are also easy and tend to be taken advantage of.

 

Doing ALL the work is a bad thing for both men and women. You have to take turns putting the ball in each other's court.

 

I've learned - the hard way, many times over - to not put any weight into what men SAY, and instead pay attention to what they actually DO.

Okay then, good luck with you.

 

I've taken the initiative with men several times, and don't see any reason not to just because I'm a woman. You have to be ready to take the risk of rejection, but that's what men do all the time anyway. I don't mind a rejection as long as it's delivered in a decent manner (and it usual is if you're dealing with a decent person). In any case, my assessment of their interest was usually correct - especially as I got older and more experienced at reading people. Sometimes the man explicitly appreciated it, saying things like 'I wanted to ask you to do whatever but didn't think you were interested' or something.

 

In short, I don't really see what the problem is.

Exactly, its all about experience and knowing how to do something properly.

 

You dont just approach the opposite sex twice or three times, get shot down and conclude that it is not working. Maybe you are doing it wrong.

 

I just got turned down YET AGAIN, two weeks back. I immediately thought about what was wrong with my approach or maybe she was way out of my league and what I should do better the next time I make a move on someone. But I did not think that it was probably because women did not like being approached and I should stop doing that which would be stupid!

 

:lmao: You forgot cleaning his feet after a day of hard work (once a tradition in certain social circles where I live).

I think its some Eastern European tradition coz I went to a friend's house and his parents are Romanian immigrants and one time I saw his mom washing his dad's feet. I was like WTF?!? Whats this? The 9th century?

 

WDB, it's just a bit of irony - in any case, why should men pay everything at the first string of dates if the woman has her own income? I've never understood why that part of dating culture is so persistent in some countries.

Old traditions die hard.

 

Its how it is in all countries around the world except in Scandinavia. If you go to Sweden and expect a man to pay for you for anything, he will look at you like you are weird because over there they have radical gender equality. In Sweden men even take parental leave to take care of babies.

Edited July 23, 2010 by jamesum

[kdark]

I agree with jamesum.

 

I refuse to date girls who have an entitlement complex when it comes to dates. If I buy you dinner, and you don't get drinks or the cover to wherever we go next, that is going to turn me off. If it becomes a habit, She's out.

 

I like to treat women as my equal, and I would expect them to do the same to me. A girl who has to cling to outdated gender roles and looks down upon men who don't fit the sterotypical male gender role isn't someone I want to date.

 

Holding open doors and paying for people is fine, but only when done out of respect, not deference.

[SassyKitten]

I'm not afraid to take the initiative at all when I ask someone out. Besides, it's a good test to determine if he is the kind of man I want, the kind of man I want has no problem with the woman taking the initiative!

[jamesum]

Men who have problem with women who know what they want and take initiatives tend to be the the traditional and controlling types.

 

Ill just be honest, I personally prefer to approach women than having women approach me because Im a bit traditional due to my cultural background so I like to be in charge and want submissive women.

 

But if you are not the submissive type, approaching the man first can help you finding out from the beginning if he has problem toward women with independent character.