flooritnfly Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 My girlfriend broke up with me 5 weeks ago today. She basically said she wasn't as happy anymore like she was back in the day when we first started dating and she said "i think I just want to be single right now". I think a lot of it also has to do with the fact that she is very busy with school and work and friends and she always feels "like she is disappointing someone" when she is not hanging out with them, she always feels guilty like that, and she has even stated that herself in the past. Anyway, about a week after we broke up I wrote her a letter and sent it to her stating how and what I am going to change about myself for myself, for her, and for us as a couple in hopes to get back together with her. A couple days after that she sent me a msg on Facebook saying "just so you know I got your letter". I replied saying "okay, good". I was going to wait longer to send the letter but I knew she was going on a trip out of town and I wanted her to get it before she left so she could think about what I had to say. At the end of the letter I basically said feel free to contact me whenever you want, I don't want to rush you. There has been some communication between us besides the letter. About 5 days ago I sent her a short Powerpoint with a bunch of pictures of us in it and one of her favorite songs in the background playing, my goal being to try and remind her of all the great times we have had together. The next day she replied "Just so you know I got your Powerpoint", so now I'm thinking, oh great where have I heard this before...... And yesterday, I texted her and asked "where we stood right now and if she was still evaluating/thinking about things" and she replied "i guess I am". Then she said "I'm sorry but I don't feel like you're taking this seriously, I feel like you think it's just a break." Now we went on a break before a ways back in our relationship mind you, so I clearly am taking this seriously. I replied to that: "honey I am taking this seriously, i know this is different now because the first time I knew we would be back together eventually and now I know that might not be the case and I know I have to make some serious changes to my behavior and attitude for you to even consider giving me a 2nd chance. Believe me I am taking this seriously, I wouldn't have lost 20 lbs and be crying myself to sleep every night if I wasn't"....to which she replied ":(". I told her that was the truth and she said I just don't know what to say right now. I told her you don't have to say anything right now, just know that I miss and love you more than anything in the world and would do literally anything for you to give me a 2nd chance with you to let me show you that I can act more mature..etc. and I will continue to pray for us everyday. That was the end of our text conversation yesterday. To hear her say "I guess I still am" in regards to if she is still thinking about us and our situation is a somewhat positive note I guess, but I am overall pessimistic now after that conversation. I think to increase my odds the most right now there needs to be absolutely 0 communication for the next few weeks, but my question is, would you consider "poking" on Facebook to be communication? Poking each other on Facebook is something we have always done to each other everyday but my goal here is to make her miss me as much as possible and get her back, but is poking something I should stop? I feel like it could go several ways: If I stop poking her she could: A. Start to miss me more (a good thing) B. Think I don't care about her or I'm ignoring her (a bad thing) If I continue to poke her she could: A. Feel appreciated and loved and know that I am thinking about her everytime she sees that I have poked her like she always has in the past (a good thing) B. Feel like I'm smothering her/won't give her space (a bad thing) (Keep in mind she always "pokes" me back, never is there a time where I will poke her and she'll delete my poke on her end, no matter how mad/upset we may be with each other.) This whole poking thing may sound silly to you but its just something we've always done as a couple and it could be a huge factor in the long run. What do I do?! I want her back so bad. It's torture without her :(
thundersauce Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 (edited) It DOES sound like you love her. I know how you feel as I frequently go through the whole "should I or should I not contact/call/email/text/poke/carrier-pidgeon her" thing. Lately since our breakup, I've found it best to just leave her alone, try not to think about her so often (harder than it sounds, I know) and most importantly, live your own life. The more you put pressure on her, the more you push her away. It's one thing when you're chasing her during the dating phase but it's actually somewhat different during a breakup. So I stopped talking to her, cold turkey for a LONG time. That said, only you can evaluate how long you should try No Contact. Talk to other girls in the meantime, build up your confidence once more, take a hobby and become a better you... she'll miss you as long as this "break" or whatever she calls it is under good terms (no yelling, no fighting, just a mutual, even if emotional agreement). On a day that you remember (perhaps your anniversary or her birthday), contact her just to see how she's doing and find a way to hangout if you still have feelings for her. Thats not to say that this method will get her back, it might just keep you guys friends which is okay. Some relationships just werent meant to be; I myself am keeping this in mind as Im giving my ex one more go (being the dumper that I am). But at the end of the day, you've worked on yourself, you've improved and learned and grown and therefore will be much more suitable mate for the next girl... or perhaps the girl you are looking for now. The key is though, is to let it go... for now. If you ever feel you should pick it back up, weigh out your circumstances, your confidence level and most importantly, whether or not you still want her. There are times when the opposite spouse DOES NOT CHANGE after the breakup. Do you still want to deal with the same worries? Best wishes my friend. Edited July 19, 2010 by thundersauce
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