classof2014 Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 (edited) I posted a similar thread in another forum and haven't gotten some good answers. Thanks!! Here's the thread BTW: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t237589 Anyways, Im a soon to be college student that has cleft lip/palate and I know that unless Im basically almost superman I have NO hope of getting a girlfriend so when I turn 30 I would like to have done all of the following. If I accomplish everything will any girl go out with me at age 30 or am I still screwed because of my cleft lip/palate. My voice is nasally and I have a significant scar. My teeth are also slightly crooked but thats the least of my worries as most people don't notice (I have small chompers haha) Anyways, here is the hypothetical me (its a lot but for someone with cleft it will most likely be needed to get a girlfriend) 1. graduate from yale law school top of my class with my own company 2. incredibly nice and humble but confident. Very easy to talk to and trustworthy. 3. leave yale and start making $200,000. 4. start making $2,000,000 at age 28 and run my own public company. 5. have the physique of a world renowned athlete. 6. good facial characteristics minus the cleft. 6. own a jet, a small plane, and a helicopter, and I can fly them all. 7. regular contender in things like ironman triathlon. 8. speak English (native), Chinese, Spanish, French, and Japanese fluently. Also speak some Korean and Russian. 9. world traveler and humanitarian. 10. very disciplined and hard working but easy going at the same time. Any other recommendations? Edited July 17, 2010 by classof2014
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 I posted a similar thread in another forum and haven't gotten some good answers. Thanks!! Here's the thread BTW: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t237589 Anyways, Im a soon to be college student that has cleft lip/palate and I know that unless Im basically almost superman I have NO hope of getting a girlfriend so when I turn 30 I would like to have done all of the following. If I accomplish everything will any girl go out with me at age 30 or am I still screwed because of my cleft lip/palate. My voice is nasally and I have a significant scar. My teeth are also slightly crooked but thats the least of my worries as most people don't notice (I have small chompers haha) Anyways, here is the hypothetical me (its a lot but for someone with cleft it will most likely be needed to get a girlfriend) 1. graduate from yale law school top of my class with my own company 2. incredibly nice and humble but confident. Very easy to talk to and trustworthy. 3. leave yale and start making $200,000. 4. start making $2,000,000 at age 28 and run my own public company. 5. have the physique of a world renowned athlete. 6. good facial characteristics minus the cleft. 6. own a jet, a small plane, and a helicopter, and I can fly them all. 7. regular contender in things like ironman triathlon. 8. speak English (native), Chinese, Spanish, French, and Japanese fluently. Also speak some Korean and Russian. 9. world traveler and humanitarian. 10. very disciplined and hard working but easy going at the same time. Any other recommendations? I don't think you have to go that far. Women can be much less shallow than you think, the issue is that they tend to be extremely shallow up front. Just try to get into situations where you can actually get to know women. Be friends with them and get comfortable. Also... don't expect to date a supermodel... that's just retarded. Who wants a girl like that anyway.
Author classof2014 Posted July 17, 2010 Author Posted July 17, 2010 Thanks for the advice!! However, I've actually noticed the opposite. However, then again, Im young and maybe when girls mature (i.e. out of college) things will change. Anyways, I usually do pretty good with the talking part of relationships and I actually joke that Im kinda like a shrink that doesn't need blue cross health insurance LOL. However, whenever I start getting physically close to a girl (Not sexually but like hugging, arm around, sitting on laps), the girl starts to avoid me. I'm not overbearing and have patience but every girl just wants to be friends with me AT BEST. Most girls avoid me all together and won't even talk to me or look at me. I've actually done quite well talking to a few girls because Im easy to talk to but beyond that, I've done horrible.
kalikula Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 You really don't need to go that far. Girls can be shallow (IE caring very much about height) but personality and success are more important to them than looks are, IMO. You're probably trying to build a relationship/flirtation with girls who don't feel that way about you (Although there could be some!) And as a result possibly coming off as creepy (If girls then avoid you). It will probably be easier later on when you become more of a "catch" (more confident/successful), or you could try online dating.
BBG Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 OMG.. Some of them are self-destructive goals! If you want to meet girls, just be friendly. Although they might show that they are uninterested, it's just because you're different than the people they meet. Just show how confident you are with yourself and your colorful personality. You'll find someone who will truly understands and loves you for you and not your wealth.
New_Life08 Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 Hopefully you do not elaborate on your accomplishments on the first date. I may be off base but your personality seems a bit whimsical. Make sure you pay attention to your own behavior when you are out with a woman. Try not to make a joke and/or sexual innuendo out of everything you see. We all like a to laugh and be goofy from time to time but we (women and men) prefer a balance... Try to be more interested in learning who the woman is rather than selling yourself to them. Remember any woman worth having isn't going to consider your financial status the main selling point. Women want to see that you are genuinely interested in them and take her seriously. If you have done all of this and the women still friend-zones you then maybe you are seeking out the wrong type of woman.
Author classof2014 Posted July 17, 2010 Author Posted July 17, 2010 I would never elaborate on my accomplishments because for how ugly I am, my "accomplishments" just equal things out and make me average. However, I must ask, what type of girls should I be looking for? Also, I have a slight eye problem and could get glasses Would that help because it would distract people from my lip?
Author classof2014 Posted July 17, 2010 Author Posted July 17, 2010 I may be able to use some cream and/or a laser treatment (most likely the latter) as creams only work for new scars and mine is set in. Basically, the space between the top of my mouth and my nose (lip area) is smaller and has a scar that runs down and a scar that runs across the top of my lip near my nose.
that girl Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 Wait, why haven't you gotten the cleft palete fixed? Is it repaired with a scar or do you still have a significant cleft?
Author classof2014 Posted July 17, 2010 Author Posted July 17, 2010 My cleft lip is repaired with the scar as described above in my last post. My cleft palate has also been fixed to the utmost best ability but I still have a nasally voice (i.e. kinda like a New Jersey accent).
spookie Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 So you're saying you don't have a cleft, just a scar? That's not what's stopping you with the women then.
threebyfate Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 http://www.independent.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00065/Joaquin_Phoenix_65901s.jpg Here's what looks like a non-photoshopped picture of Joaquin Phoenix and his scar. Even if your scar is worse than his, it's no big deal. Plastic surgery has come a long way so it wouldn't surprise me if you could reduce the look of the scar if it really bothers you this much. But I agree with spookie that it's not the scar that's causing you problems if you feel your list is necessary to get a girlfriend.
that girl Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 A cleft palette is a major issues, but a scar shouldn't be. Which of these would make you want to date a girl? 1. graduate from yale law school top of my class with my own company 2. incredibly nice and humble but confident. Very easy to talk to and trustworthy. 3. leave yale and start making $200,000. 4. start making $2,000,000 at age 28 and run my own public company. 5. have the physique of a world renowned athlete. 6. good facial characteristics minus the cleft. 6. own a jet, a small plane, and a helicopter, and I can fly them all. 7. regular contender in things like ironman triathlon. 8. speak English (native), Chinese, Spanish, French, and Japanese fluently. Also speak some Korean and Russian. 9. world traveler and humanitarian. 10. very disciplined and hard working but easy going at the same time. Girls are people and in general, why they choose to date someone isn't that different.
TheLoneSock Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 Those sound like incredible goals and I think you should pursue them full force, but only for you - not because you think that's what it will take to attract women. As for your cleft lip, surgeries for that usually range around $5000 dollars. Normally I am against vanity plastic surgery, but cleft lip is one of the things I make an exception for because it is genetic, facial, and extremely socially debilitating. It really should be done at a very early age if the parents can afford it. I do believe it is more common in Asiatic cultures, I could be wrong. If you choose to forgo any surgical fixes and push on through without it, then more power to you. I think if you've made it through high school with it, you've already made it through the most difficult part of life to have a disfigurement of any kind. My advice? Get the surgery - it's simple and common now of days, though pricey. And THEN take over the world with your goals as well. I'm conflicted with that advice because personally I don't believe that certain genetics should be passed on to the next generation, so this advice comes from a purely medical standpoint.
Author classof2014 Posted July 17, 2010 Author Posted July 17, 2010 Yes...the only people I know that have actual girlfriends (not "sex buddies) are top notch guys that have hollywood style faces, athletic bodies, and are brilliant (i.e. Harvard level). All the average guys I know (even the pretty good athletes) and confident guys either don't have girlfriends or there girlfriends date them but cheat on them lots and only date them because they feel they have to/feel bad. Being a guy at my age sucks cause women expect so much. All girls have to do is be able to hold a conversation, be somewhat good looking , and not overweight (which is healthy anyways).
desertmoon Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 My cleft lip is repaired with the scar as described above in my last post. My cleft palate has also been fixed to the utmost best ability but I still have a nasally voice (i.e. kinda like a New Jersey accent). So it's a cute accent! I think you are way too self-conscious. I am sure you a very date-able even without the aircraft!
USMCHokie Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 Yes...the only people I know that have actual girlfriends (not "sex buddies) are top notch guys that have hollywood style faces, athletic bodies, and are brilliant (i.e. Harvard level). Then you need to get out more. Or simply open your eyes. and are brilliant (i.e. Harvard level). Yea...this doesn't mean sh*t... All the average guys I know (even the pretty good athletes) and confident guys either don't have girlfriends or there girlfriends date them but cheat on them lots and only date them because they feel they have to/feel bad. Being an athlete doesn't mean sh*t. Again, you need to meet new people. Because the guys you know are probably deficient in other ways. Being a guy at my age sucks cause women expect so much. All girls have to do is be able to hold a conversation, be somewhat good looking , and not overweight (which is healthy anyways). Find better women.
bananaboat11 Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 I don't think you have to go that far. Women can be much less shallow than you think, the issue is that they tend to be extremely shallow up front. Just try to get into situations where you can actually get to know women. Be friends with them and get comfortable. Also... don't expect to date a supermodel... that's just retarded. Who wants a girl like that anyway. I've been blessed enough to have dated HOT girls... seriously HOT girls. NOT usually relationship material from my experience.
tami-chan Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 I've been blessed enough to have dated HOT girls... seriously HOT girls. NOT usually relationship material from my experience. okay...that said . What do you think about OP's predicament? What is your advise for him? OP, I say you are over thinking this and too self-conscious about how you look. Men do not have to look super model hot. They just need to dependable, confident and successful. Oh and they need to be neat(clean nails and nice, clean teeth) and smell good, too!
Ruby Slippers Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 (edited) Why not try dating a woman with a cleft palate? This is what I was going to ask, but I notice the OP not answer this question. Edited July 18, 2010 by Ruby Slippers
Author classof2014 Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 I would definitely be willing to date a woman with a cleft lip and/or palate but there are so few women with clefts around. Only 1/700 births result in a cleft. On top of that, studies show that many people with clefts, especially girls have mental and emotional problems as a result and with my self-esteem issues, that may not be the best option. However, if a girl with a cleft were to come my way, I would definitely consider it as likely dating option.
that girl Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 Yes...the only people I know that have actual girlfriends (not "sex buddies) are top notch guys that have hollywood style faces, athletic bodies, and are brilliant (i.e. Harvard level). Seriously? Aren't you like 17/18? You seem to have very entrenched views about how women act considering how young you are. Women are not space aliens, a lot of what they want is what guys want.
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