adaradonia Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 When I was a young teenager playing online I met a boy and we fell in love. We long distance dated over the next 5+ years, throughout junior high and high school. After a few years we met each other and when we were together my entire world was right. Nothing felt like being with him, and nothing has since. He was gorgeous, sweet, kind, chivalrous, everything I could ever want and more. He showed up one day on my doorstep and all the feelings I had had for him for years were instantly solidified. I was instantly his. We had our fair share of issues, from him not being around online (and this was before the days when every kid had a cell phone and our parents would kill us for calling long distance) to me feeling ignored and seeking attention elsewhere. With the occassional, though typically brief, break up over the years. In the end, even after all our problems, he knew me completely and he still loved me. But I let him go. I found a local boy who wooed me and it was so nice to have someone there, to not have to think about leaving my entire life behind to go and be with my boyfriend. I was scared. He knew it but I didn't. He gave me one last chance to go and be with him, but I stayed and stayed with the local guy. I wound up being with the local for over 4 years, waiting and expecting my feelings for my first love to diminish and go away. To be replaced by the love I would gain for the local. But it never happened. If anything, things only got worse. He proposed, and when facing the reality of spending the rest of my life with this guy I finally ended things. I had wanted to contact my first love all throughout, but I was waiting to be able to tell him 'I'm single' and one thing led to another and it took me over four years to finally get single. But I dreamt of him all along. I still do. In my dreams i tell him how much I've missed him, how desperately I need him. How he was right, about everything. That we were soulmates. That I was making a mistake. The biggest mistake. I drunk dialed his house (I know, worst idea ever) on New Year's eve when I was finally single. I asked his dad's girlfriend to give him the message that I had called and my phone number. She informed me that he was engaged and that she would not be giving him any message from me. Now it's the middle of July and I'm still no closer to being over this guy than before. I haven't even spoken to him in years. I've tried emails. No response. If he wanted me still he would've contacted me by now. What the hell am I doing. Why can't I let him go! Sometimes I think I'm starting to get over him, but then the same old things come up. Anything and everything reminds me of him. My license plate number. Streets around town. Mt Dew. Songs. Movies. TV. Books. Everything. I mean f**k. He lives states away and still my heart will start pounding a mile a minute if I get myself hyped on the idea of 'what if I walked around the aisle and there he was?' I can picture his face perfectly. His silly smile. His deep eyes. His hands. I love his hands. What do I do?
oldfashiongirlie Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 I understand how you feel completely, I've been in a long distance relationship for 3 1/2 years... I sometimes wonder if I didn't idealized him, do you think you really know him?, cause long distance sometimes creates a perfect world. I never really fought with my ex. It's hard to think someone is "the one" and that you'll never find anyone else like him. But just remember that in life we will always find someone that will be there to help us, and love us, but you have to be receptive and open to someone new. If he's getting married, I think it's better for you to leave it for now. If it is truly meant to be, it will, even if it takes years. Good luck and be strong!
GrayClouds Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 Your in love with imagination and sentimentality, a desire to go back to a place where things were easier. And then you spent 4 years with someone you really was not in love with because it was easier. Now your thinking that because you did not love this one guy as much as the first then the first much be your only love. It is BS. You need to stop focusing on the past, looking for a easy way to solve your loneliness, learn to be happy with yourself and spend some time getting to know a bunch of different people. There is much more then two guys in the world. Take some time a get to know yourself and in time maybe a few other boys.
bitlost Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 i never fought with him. i never did anything wrong that i can figure out to date. i accepted him for whatever he is - everything. except i was older to him, and he said he was fine with it - that he even loved me the more for it. and then boom! one day - suddenly everything over. and i dont know how to stop thinking of him, or how to reach him (like he is comunicable but he's suddenly closed - th eonly reason he gives me is parents, but if that was so, then his love should still show right? but no, he is wayyyyyy tooooooo cold and closed. i cant reach his heart anymore.) i dont know what the F to do. so if you figure it out will you PLEASE help me. i need help. so bad.
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