monkey00 Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 I've been with my gf for almost 7 months but I haven't told her the L word, I'm not sure if I do because I don't think I've ever been there before. And I've never told any other girl that either. So I'm sure as for everyone else that's used it this is a big deal. We've occasionally talked about kids and marriage and the future. Actually we have plans to move in together in a few months. And there have been a couple of times I think she's been pushing for me to say it, but I'm not entirely sure. I feel like the closer we reach the one year mark, I will or she will have to say it because I have a gut feeling that if I don't say it...it won't satisfy a certain aspect of the progression of the relationship, or satisfy her. Though I won't say it unless I know for sure. How did you know? How long did it take for you to say it? Who said it first?
MyNameIsJane Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 In my life, I have been in 4 relationships where the "L word" has been used. The quickest it was said was 6 weeks in, and the longest was about 4 months in. I always waited to the guy to say it first because I know it is scarier for them... though with the guy who said it after 6 weeks, I knew from day 2 (day 1, I was drunk), that he was the one... I was just too scared to say it. The 4 months actually ended up being the one I questioned the most. The other ones I felt immediately - but sometimes it takes longer for some people. Don't say it unless you usually feel it - but usually if you have to ask... you might not be feeling it - or it hasnt hit you yet? Everyone is different.
Author monkey00 Posted July 17, 2010 Author Posted July 17, 2010 I just recalled the indirect things she said that indicated her possible feelings towards me. Around the time we made it official she brought up how a client at her job asked her if she still had plans to move to another country (supposedly it's what she told her when they last met), my gf's response was "Nope, I fell in love." I just acknowledged her that time. I assumed she was figuratively speaking. Another time in my room, we were talking about something and she said "Who do you love?" My not saying it feels like I'm damaging the relationship. I've been noticing some slight changes in the relationship.
adaradonia Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 In my experience I've been bursting to say it and made myself wait to not come on too strong, not felt pressured to say it without being sure if I felt it. I've let the guy say it first in every relationship of mine except for one, and he basically said it (was rambling on and on about how wonderful he thinks I am) and I stopped him with 'Honey? I love you, too.' I think it's definitely been long enough for you to say it, but the question seems to be whether or not you actually feel it. How do you imagine it would feel? What would you need to know for sure that it was love?
Author monkey00 Posted July 17, 2010 Author Posted July 17, 2010 How do you imagine it would feel? What would you need to know for sure that it was love? A few years ago I was dating this girl, that I probably did feel it. I would be sad if I wouldn't hear from her and would think about her constantly or how her day was going. Maybe it was the high of the fact we weren't in a relationship that made me feel a certain way for that girl. But I do feel the same way about my gf, just not as intensely. I wonder though if I missed that high stage with my gf because we became official too soon, maybe there wasn't enough of a challenge?...and now being 7 months, we're in our comfort zones. I think what I would need to happen is maybe for us to be apart for at most a week and see how I would feel afterwards. A few days ago her guy friend invited himself over to her place when I wasn't there, when I got there and found out I was a bit annoyed actually.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 You're thinking about moving in with her and you haven't said "I love you" yet? You're taking this too seriously. Let me show you what the dictionary says about the word "love": http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/love 1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. 3. sexual passion or desire. What's the big deal about admitting that you feel affection, appreciation, and sexual desire for a person? It's not like you're marrying her or something and you're not saying,"I'll love you forever." If you just mean it for right now and don't know what the future will bring, that's okay. None of us do. I seriously don't get this. Moving in is a much bigger deal. If you two break-up, then you'll have to go through all that hassle of finding a new place and dividing the pets and stuff you bought together and arguing over it and maybe living with each other for a few more days while you try to sort it out or being stuck with an apartment that you're in a contract with but don't have enough money for. If you say "I love you" nothing more will happen except that she will know you have feelings for her and that you appreciate her. People do not say these kind of things enough in relationships, MALES OR FEMALES, that they appreciate and love the other person, but we're all very quick to tell the other person how much they annoy us. Not to compliment them or say that we have feelings for them. I honestly think that two people who can't even talk about their feelings for one another shouldn't be having sex or living together. I would never live with a man or sleep with a man who hadn't told me "I love you" first unless I wanted a fling or a place to hang-out for awhile. Because we don't really have anything if we can't admit that we feel affection and desire for one another.
carhill Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 How did you know? How long did it take for you to say it? Who said it first? It felt right. About four months IIRC. I did. Got engaged six months later and married 8 months after that. Absent the people-picker part, I saw that process as a healthy progression for myself. ILY came *before* PIV (penis in vagina).
zengirl Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 Not with them now, but the shortest for me was 3 days, I guess. (He said it first, and we were friends for years beforehand.) The longest was a little over a year, but that was when we were in high school -- my high school sweetheart -- and we were super-cautious with each other. It was a very slow, chaste relationship. As an adult, it's never been more than 6 months. I think you have to know by then if you love someone or not. I agree that moving in with someone is a WAY bigger step than saying ILY, unless you have intimacy issues.
spookie Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 I don't see what the big deal is with the L word. Having loved and lost, to me, love is separate from the routine business of a relationship. I love my family, and I love all my friends. I love my SO in all those ways + some.
sweetjasmine Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 About 3 months. He said it. ILY came *before* PIV (penis in vagina). Same here. Mutual decision to take it slow, but he brought it up first.
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