Kinder-Horror Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 I've been in a serious relationship for about a year and a half how. First thing's first: I adore him. This isn't my first serious relationship by a long shot - but I know he is the one. However, no relationship is without it's hurdles. To me, ours currently is sex. I enjoy sex with him... when we have it. Which isn't terribly often anymore. What used to be 5-6 times a week, is now 1, MAYBE 2 times a week. (Not because he's cheating) And I think it is my fault. I want to have sex. I think about sex with him all day, everyday. I think about initiating when he gets home. But then he gets home - and I find I don't want it any longer. I think my reasoning behind it is because sometimes, I want to be romantic and sexy (and sometimes playful). I don't mean rose petals and jazz or anything... but just sexy, grab me and kiss me and take off my clothes and have sex! Not do childlike things (and i mean that somewhat literally, as he constantly does this thing where he acts like a 4 year old/animation hybrid, squeeling and making strange facial expressions) and/or make farting sounds with his mouth while he dances around in his boxers. And while he has a great personality and makes me laugh constantly in normal situations, I don't necessarily want sex to be a venue for joking around ALL THE TIME. Playfulness is okay of course, but sometimes I want physical lusty sex! (and lately... that is all I want, because I can't remember when I have had it) His joking around is 24/7 is turning me off, and so even with entertaining the idea of sex all day, the second he walks in the door, sex becomes a non-option in my head. It has crossed my mind to just suck it up and DO IT. But he isn't really initiating anyway, so it's hard for me to initiate when he is poking my butt and making farting sounds, etc (and I am sure all the boys reading this are laughing. It's not funny!) lol. I guess I just don't know what to do. I could just tell him - but I am worried he is going to take it personally and not be himself anymore. Also, it the past, I have told him what turns me off physically, and he does those things anyway - so I am also thinking it could go the other way and he just wont listen at all. Or I could just get over it. But I feel like it isn't all that fair to me. Thoughts?
Cobra_X Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 I guess I just don't know what to do. I could just tell him - but I am worried he is going to take it personally and not be himself anymore. Also, it the past, I have told him what turns me off physically, and he does those things anyway - so I am also thinking it could go the other way and he just wont listen at all. Or I could just get over it. But I feel like it isn't all that fair to me. Thoughts? Ok... I admit that was pretty funny. Just talk to him, and make sure he knows how serious you are... punch him in the balls if he doesn't pay attention.
seekandfind Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 You seriously need to talk to him. Be kind and considerate, and just let him know that sometimes you want him to to aggressive, serious, mature, and passionate, and that you want him to make you melt in his arms. Tell him that you like it when he jokes around, but it is too much when he does it ALL the time during lovemaking/sexy time. You guys should be comfortable discussing these kind of things. Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship.
Author Kinder-Horror Posted July 17, 2010 Author Posted July 17, 2010 Ok... I admit that was pretty funny. ... punch him in the balls if he doesn't pay attention. I think that will be counter-productive!!! haha
You'reasian Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 (edited) I've been in a serious relationship for about a year and a half how. First thing's first: I adore him. This isn't my first serious relationship by a long shot - but I know he is the one. However, no relationship is without it's hurdles. To me, ours currently is sex. I enjoy sex with him... when we have it. Which isn't terribly often anymore. What used to be 5-6 times a week, is now 1, MAYBE 2 times a week. (Not because he's cheating) And I think it is my fault. I want to have sex. I think about sex with him all day, everyday. I think about initiating when he gets home. But then he gets home - and I find I don't want it any longer. I think my reasoning behind it is because sometimes, I want to be romantic and sexy (and sometimes playful). I don't mean rose petals and jazz or anything... but just sexy, grab me and kiss me and take off my clothes and have sex! Not do childlike things (and i mean that somewhat literally, as he constantly does this thing where he acts like a 4 year old/animation hybrid, squeeling and making strange facial expressions) and/or make farting sounds with his mouth while he dances around in his boxers. And while he has a great personality and makes me laugh constantly in normal situations, I don't necessarily want sex to be a venue for joking around ALL THE TIME. Playfulness is okay of course, but sometimes I want physical lusty sex! (and lately... that is all I want, because I can't remember when I have had it) His joking around is 24/7 is turning me off, and so even with entertaining the idea of sex all day, the second he walks in the door, sex becomes a non-option in my head. It has crossed my mind to just suck it up and DO IT. But he isn't really initiating anyway, so it's hard for me to initiate when he is poking my butt and making farting sounds, etc (and I am sure all the boys reading this are laughing. It's not funny!) lol. I guess I just don't know what to do. I could just tell him - but I am worried he is going to take it personally and not be himself anymore. Also, it the past, I have told him what turns me off physically, and he does those things anyway - so I am also thinking it could go the other way and he just wont listen at all. Or I could just get over it. But I feel like it isn't all that fair to me. Thoughts? Simple. Every day he comes home this next week, have the lights dimmed, your favorite makeout/hot sex music playing and wearing nothing but panties (or just a towel), then approach him slow, no slowly with the "bang you" eyes focused on his and proceed to disrobe him as he attempts to make his way across the living room.... Any time he talks, give him a shhhhh and then take him then and there on the floor, on the couch, in the kitchen etc. gotta earn those calories! Edited July 17, 2010 by You'reasian
seekandfind Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 Simple. Every day he comes home this next week, have the lights dimmed, your favorite makeout/hot sex music playing and wearing nothing but panties (or just a towel), then approach him slow, no slowly with the "bang you" eyes focused on his and proceed to disrobe him as he attempts to make his way across the living room.... Any time he talks, give him a shhhhh and then take him then and there on the floor, on the couch, in the kitchen etc. gotta earn those calories! this is HOT. I highly approve
sugarmomma Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 this is HOT. I highly approve Me too! And he'd better not crack a joke. lol Good Luck. He sounds like a good guy. I love a man that can make me laugh.
Sanman Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 The above suggestion certainly works. Though, I don't know any guy who wouldn't shut his mouth if he were told it would lead to more sex.
TaraMaiden Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 You guys aren't getting it... This really isn't funny, when you get this the whole time. One of my exes was like this, and eventually led to our break-up. It wasn't a long relationship, and was so brief it's fallen off the radar. But this was a contributory factor.... However, no relationship is without it's hurdles. To me, ours currently is sex. No, this isn't the main issue.... I think my reasoning behind it is because sometimes, I want to be romantic and sexy (and sometimes playful). ......Not do childlike things (and i mean that somewhat literally, as he constantly does this thing where he acts like a 4 year old/animation hybrid, squeeling and making strange facial expressions) and/or make farting sounds with his mouth while he dances around in his boxers. This is the main issue. You want hot sex with a willing and like-minded adult, not a perpetual Pseudo-Peter Pan..... ....I don't necessarily want sex to be a venue for joking around ALL THE TIME. Playfulness is okay of course, but sometimes I want physical lusty sex! (and lately... that is all I want, because I can't remember when I have had it) His joking around is 24/7 is turning me off, and so even with entertaining the idea of sex all day, the second he walks in the door, sex becomes a non-option in my head. "Once it's a laugh, twice it's a giggle, thee times it's a bore." All the time is a total no-no. I agree. Your needs aren't being met. ....But he isn't really initiating anyway, so it's hard for me to initiate when he is poking my butt and making farting sounds, etc Yeah great. sounds funny, in print, once, but if it's non-stop, it all too soon grates on your nerves. Understandably. I guess I just don't know what to do. I could just tell him - but I am worried he is going to take it personally and not be himself anymore. Good! I think it's time he did! While none of us should want to change anybody's behaviour, if that behaviour is seriously impacting on your feelings for that person, something needs to be said. It's a question of pointing out to him that frankly his behaviour is inappropriate, and needs tempering. His timing sucks. How much longer are you going to be prepared to 'suck this up'? Because trust me, while this is a frustrating irritation to you right now - it will just escalate until you find him unbearable, and you'll actually not want to even be with him, at all.... Also, it the past, I have told him what turns me off physically, and he does those things anyway So he's not listening or paying attention, is he? He's either incredibly dense, or completely insensitive. so I am also thinking it could go the other way and he just wont listen at all. Or I could just get over it. But I feel like it isn't all that fair to me. No, you're right. It isn't fair on you. A relationship is supposed to nourish and fulfil two people. You're supposed to both be able to find something to get out of it. In my opinion, I would cease having sex altogether. Just put it on the back burner and initiate nothing. See how he acts the next time he starts feeling frisky. If he follows form, and begins acting like a jerk, try just saying "Jeesh, grow up, sometime! Who wants to have sex with a four-year-old?" and walk out of the room. That, hopefully, will trigger some kind of interaction between you two. Then you can point out that he does this ALL THE TIME. He's never romantic, passionate, spontaneous, lustful, and it leaves you flat to listen to oral farting all the time. If he wants a mummy, he's got one. But he wouldn't have sex with her, would he? So why act like a little kid when he's about to slip you one?? Is my angle.
Feelin Frisky Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 ....Thoughts? Hate to break it to you but your guy is an azzhole. I know. It's tough to hear because you think you love him. But IMO anyone and I mean anyone who does not take their partner's expressions of what they especially don't like and does it anyway does not deserve that partner's love or loyalty. It's not a ***kking game and this isn't pajama buddy time for prepubescent know-nothings. It's your life--your ADULT life--your TIME--your PRIME. You have lived and loved long enough to have earned to be treated royally. His childish comedy routine is condescending and trivializing of your deeper feelings. I can't think to tell you what to do because you seem worried about his feelings more than your own. All I can say is you deserve better and get real with the fact that you are maturing while your other half is regressing into a selfish child-like condition. PS: I'm jealous. You have the kind of desire that most men wish their wives or SOs to have and your precious time and youthful and healthy lust is being tossed away by an ignoramus.
TaraMaiden Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 Hate to break it to you but your guy is an azzhole. I know. It's tough to hear because you think you love him. But IMO anyone and I mean anyone who does not take their partner's expressions of what they especially don't like and does it anyway does not deserve that partner's love or loyalty. It's not a ***kking game and this isn't pajama buddy time for prepubescent know-nothings. It's your life--your ADULT life--your TIME--your PRIME. You have lived and loved long enough to have earned to be treated royally. His childish comedy routine is condescending and trivializing of your deeper feelings. I can't think to tell you what to do because you seem worried about his feelings more than your own. All I can say is you deserve better and get real with the fact that you are maturing while your other half is regressing into a selfish child-like condition. PS: I'm jealous. You have the kind of desire that most men wish their wives or SOs to have and your precious time and youthful and healthy lust is being tossed away by an ignoramus. Which is more or less exactly what I said. Only FF said it soooo much better. I'm with this, absolutely.
alyssatranswarrior Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 I agree with FF. Amazing to hear a female who WANTS sex 5-6 times a week. I want me one of those...(well I have one, but in a LDR so its mute right now) It's just nice to know there are a few out there He needs to clue onto this fact that you are a prime prospect for daily hotness. He must really like being silly and making you laugh...
lordWilhelm Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 Have you talked to him about this? How did he respond?
Author Kinder-Horror Posted July 18, 2010 Author Posted July 18, 2010 I haven't talked to him about it yet. We had an event last night and wanted to keep everything light. I am going to kind of take it by ear. I most likely will bring it up tonight unless he is mellow... then maybe I can just get laid. lol.
CLC2008 Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 It has crossed my mind to just suck it up and DO IT. But he isn't really initiating anyway, so it's hard for me to initiate when he is poking my butt and making farting sounds, etc (and I am sure all the boys reading this are laughing. It's not funny!) lol Hehe, that made me giggle.
You'reasian Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 I like how the OPs name is Kinder-Horror. Sounds like Child horror....what a unique combination.
You'reasian Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 this is HOT. I highly approve People forget how important it is to seek and find seduction with one's own partner
TaraMaiden Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 I like how the OPs name is Kinder-Horror. Sounds like Child horror....what a unique combination. think you'll find that's deliberate. I mean, that's the whole point - isn't it?
fishtaco Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 I'd vote for You're Asian's approach. At least try that first. I don't disagree with TaraMaiden, but that's kind of a hard way to approach it. Sex/sexual habits are touchy topics. Smashing it with a hammer like that is, well, sometimes it's the right tool, and sometimes it's not. It depends on his personality. For example, if I were in a relationship where I completely dominate the woman. Then I would use TaraMaiden's method to change her sexual habits. This is what I want, you shut up and do it. Because I call the shots in this relationship. But if it's more of a balanced relationship, that would definitely not be the first approach. Not that it's a bad approach, it's just not a good first approach, in my opinion. I would say try the You're Asian's way, then after the fireworks and everyone's happy, suggest that THAT's how you like it. Basically guide him by encouragement as opposed to bending him to your will. If that doesn't work, then try TaraMaiden's way. But when you do that, there will most likely be additional negative repercussions if it doesn't work out, unless of course, you wear the pants in the relationship and he's submissive.
Mike B. Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 I couldn't help but laugh at this situation. Sorry. I just see a guy with a small beer belly dancing around in boxers with hearts imprinted on them making farting noise while turning around in circles and it just cracks me up. Anyway, are you sure he is not trying to turn you off for some reason? I mean, he isn't initiating sex and when it is time for sex, he does these thinsg to turn you off. Just a thought.
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