MissVegas Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 First off let me start by saying I apologize for the length. I'm a serial dumper. I always dump my boyfriend for a few hours/days and then wind up getting back with him. I admit I have helped create the monster of a relationship by getting back with him and showing him it is okay to treat me the way that I dump him for in the first place. Last night he really hurt me again and I decided to think about things once and for all and stick with my decision. I would really appreciate some support and advice. My boyfriend and I started dating four years ago. After about a month of us being officially together he moved to a city 3 hours away from mine. I decided I would make this work and see him on the weekends. There were red flags from the beginning for example one time he came to my city and went out with his friends and did not make the time to see me. As well he was constantly going out and drinking in his new city and I also caught him online flirting. One time I even went down to see him and he basically told me I had to leave because one of his friends was coming down to see him and they were going to go out that night. At the same time there were good times, he said he loved me, we talked all the time, and we became best friends. He then moved back to our original city and there were more problems such as him going out with his friends all the time, not making time for me, snapping at me, calling me names during arguments *like psycho, and bitch*, as well I also found out when he went out of town to visit a friend and he took a girls number *who he didnt tell he had a girlfriend* and continued texting her shirtless pics when he was at home. I also know he has flirted on facebook with a few girls too. I do not believe he's actually ever physically cheated. There were good times though. He started including me with his friends sometimes, i became close with his family, when we spent time just the two of us we got along wonderfully, and we were best friends and lovers. Now I have a hard time trusting him when he goes out with his friends because of the incidents that have happened which makes me angry when he asks to go out with his friends and makes him angry because I act "crazy" when he asks to go out with his friends. We also have a father daughter problem in that he has a small case of OCD and likes to tell me how he wants things done and sometimes treats me like a child. I do not mind doing things the way he wants I just do not like being talked down to. We are best friends though, have fun together, get along great together when it is just us, love eachother and love eachothers famillies. Our latest fight was last night because I had booked off last weekend to go to this party event that he always attends every year with his friends in another city. I thought it would be a nice idea for us to go together so we could do something together with his friends and there would be no trust issues. Last weekend he said he did not want to go this year and was tired. That was fine. Then last night he asked if he could go this weekend knowing I work all weekend. I was upset. I rarely ever get included in anything with his friends and really wanted to go. It seemed to me like he did not want me to be there causing more red flags. Anyways we fought and then he uninivited me to the concert he was going to take me to last night and decided to take his friend instead. *He rarely takes me on dates so I am very upset I wouldn't be going to the concert and he'd still be going to the party event anyways without me* Anyways the things that it would take to make our relationship better are..1. Not swearing at me or calling me names when we fight. 2. Including me with his friends. 3. Not talking down to me when he wants things done a certain way but being respectful. 4. And earning my trust back by including me when he goes out or giving me access to email or facebook etc. I have talked to him about this before and he agrees but never follows through. I love him so much but I cannot take being hurt all the time. I do not want material goods or fancy dinners. Just some respect and love. Our relationship is not all bad we go on 2 week vacations every year and have an amazing time. I love him lots and that is why i've kept holding on and it has gotten better in the four years but not where i want it. Have i been delusional the last four years and need to end it? Or is there any hope and how can I make that hope a possiblity? I cannot marry a guy who swears at me, does not include me with his friends and has betrayed me without earning back my trust but at the same time I want it to work Please help
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