xpaperxcutx Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Can anyone actually be sooooo busy that they can't even pick up the phone to call? The guy I'm " starting" to see told me that he's so busy that he can't find time to see me or call me. He hasn't even bothered to text me to at least say hi. This is ridiculous and I think I'm wasting my time. I think I should date other people.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 16, 2010 Author Posted July 16, 2010 Great idea. Yeah, and the thing is if this guy is so busy, why even ask me out in the first place? I don't like being used as a time filler, like I have to make an appointment just to get a date.
bittersweet memories Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Yeah, and the thing is if this guy is so busy, why even ask me out in the first place? I don't like being used as a time filler, like I have to make an appointment just to get a date. How long have you been dating him?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 16, 2010 Author Posted July 16, 2010 How long have you been dating him? That's just it, I'm not seeing him so much as " starting" that whole dating thing with him. I would expect us to have at least made plans for this week already, since we saw each other this past weekend. I actually thought I was the one being passive, but I think this guy is just pulling my chain. I am more annoyed than angry at him. And he actually only send me 1 email to say he's busy. Which kind of me makes doubt him about whether he's actually too busy or taking the easy way out.
tigressA Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 What you've described is ridiculous--too busy to see or call you? Definitely date other people; forget this guy. No one is too busy to pick up the phone for 30 seconds to call or shoot a quick text hello. Period.
northstar1 Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Could be for a few reasons: 1)He is just a busy person who tries to balance too much in his life. I've dated girls like this, who are so busy between work, their friends, groups, charities etc, that they cannot actually sustain dating/relationship because they overcommit themselves everywhere 2)His interest level is waning. Some people will use the "I'm so busy" excuse to slowly back off from someone. It's a weak way to stop seeing someone, because it forces the other person to get frustrated and eventually back off. 3)A relationship isn't a priority. They make like dating, or seeing you, but it's not on the top of their list. So, they aren't willing to spend a lot of time talking to you, or seeing you. It depends on what you WANT Paper. Are you okay with casual, where you talk occassionally and see each other when you can both fit it in, or do you want something actually sustainable and regular?
Kamille Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Are you guys exclusive? If not, don't sweat it and yes, by all means, keep seeing other guys and make weekend plans without him. If he calls and you're not free, that's his problem. If you are exclusive, then I'm afraid I need more precisions. How often would you like him to call? How often does he actually call or text? How often do you see each other? I'll be honest, at the beginning of my R with Mr. Workaholic, he would sometimes go for up to four days without calling me. I generally didn't really mind because I wanted to keep things developing slowly. But there were the occasional days when I would nearly lose it, tell myself he wasn't interested and I was moving on... and then he would call. edit: and what was the context in which he was saying he was too busy to call?
phineas Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Yeah, and the thing is if this guy is so busy, why even ask me out in the first place? I don't like being used as a time filler, like I have to make an appointment just to get a date. EXACTLY! I remember a long long time ago when I was renovating my house I NEEDED to get it insulated as it was allready October. I purposefully did not try dateing because I knew I would have zero time for a few weeks.
tigressA Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 There are some people who still have time for an ego stroke that dating can give. Perhaps this guy is one of them.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 16, 2010 Author Posted July 16, 2010 Could be for a few reasons: 1)He is just a busy person who tries to balance too much in his life. I've dated girls like this, who are so busy between work, their friends, groups, charities etc, that they cannot actually sustain dating/relationship because they overcommit themselves everywhere 2)His interest level is waning. Some people will use the "I'm so busy" excuse to slowly back off from someone. It's a weak way to stop seeing someone, because it forces the other person to get frustrated and eventually back off. 3)A relationship isn't a priority. They make like dating, or seeing you, but it's not on the top of their list. So, they aren't willing to spend a lot of time talking to you, or seeing you. It depends on what you WANT Paper. Are you okay with casual, where you talk occassionally and see each other when you can both fit it in, or do you want something actually sustainable and regular? All 3 fits him. At first, I thought it was because he had been too busy so he's sorting and balancing everything out, but the more I try to give him the benefit of the doubt the more I'm seeing more red flags than none. I know what I want, and even before having been asked out, I was clear I have no time for people who are flakes.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 16, 2010 Author Posted July 16, 2010 Are you guys exclusive? If not, don't sweat it and yes, by all means, keep seeing other guys and make weekend plans without him. If he calls and you're not free, that's his problem. If you are exclusive, then I'm afraid I need more precisions. How often would you like him to call? How often does he actually call or text? How often do you see each other? I'll be honest, at the beginning of my R with Mr. Workaholic, he would sometimes go for up to four days without calling me. I generally didn't really mind because I wanted to keep things developing slowly. But there were the occasional days when I would nearly lose it, tell myself he wasn't interested and I was moving on... and then he would call. edit: and what was the context in which he was saying he was too busy to call? We are not exclusive, but any form of contact would mean interest right? Anyways his form of apologizing was writing me a short email saying that he's swamped with dance rehearsals and volunteer events. He'll be in touch once he gets a better sense of his schedule. The more I read the email the more it just reeks of him saying " I'll try to fit you once I have time".
northstar1 Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Then be true to yourself Paper and I'd say move on. He seems like a bit of a flake. No one is so busy they can't send you a few texts or call you for 5 minutes. I have tried to 'compromise' in the past and let the other person dictate the amount of dates and frequency of contact and after a while, it just began to annoy me. If someone is 'too busy' to make me feel like somewhat of a priority, screw em'.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 16, 2010 Author Posted July 16, 2010 What you've described is ridiculous--too busy to see or call you? Definitely date other people; forget this guy. No one is too busy to pick up the phone for 30 seconds to call or shoot a quick text hello. Period. Exactly. Unless he works 24 hours a day and have a slave- driver for a boss.... I already prepared my " NEXT" button.
northstar1 Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 We are not exclusive, but any form of contact would mean interest right? Anyways his form of apologizing was writing me a short email saying that he's swamped with dance rehearsals and volunteer events. He'll be in touch once he gets a better sense of his schedule. The more I read the email the more it just reeks of him saying " I'll try to fit you once I have time". That is what it comes down to. Whether it is because he just doesn't want anything serious/regular with his busy schedule, or because he's not sure his interest, in the end it's not good enough for you. It's not a good feeling, so screw him.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 16, 2010 Author Posted July 16, 2010 Then be true to yourself Paper and I'd say move on. He seems like a bit of a flake. No one is so busy they can't send you a few texts or call you for 5 minutes. I have tried to 'compromise' in the past and let the other person dictate the amount of dates and frequency of contact and after a while, it just began to annoy me. If someone is 'too busy' to make me feel like somewhat of a priority, screw em'. I have a tendency to do that as well. I like to give guys the rein and steer the course, but I don't like being the backseat passenger all the time either. Anyways, I already made plans for this weekend with friends. I need a little bit of stress relief to take my mind off things.
paleblue Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 heard it before myself, it could be bs, it could be legit. assuming for a moment it is legit, you’re stillll wasting your time because they just aren’t going to be around to put the effort in anyway. after a number of months dealing with the same situation, I said f it. what else is out there. and ya, I thought the same thing, if you are that freakn busy.. than What are you doing out there trying to date?? I still hear from her. I just don’t bother to really go out of my way. I nod, I laugh, I say yup! ha ha ha o that is a good one. hope things are well, ttyl!!!!!
pandagirl Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 He could be telling the truth, or maybe he isn't that interested. There are a lot of variables, but this is what the beginning stages of dating is like! I think you should just keep yourself busy, try to casually date other people, and don't focus on this guy. My friend is going through a similar situation, she gets a text or two from him every week; he also works a LOT. It kind of drives her crazy, but she is also seeing someone else and knows not expect too much. If you can handle this, then cool; if not, then just forget about him.
bittersweet memories Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 That's just it, I'm not seeing him so much as " starting" that whole dating thing with him. I would expect us to have at least made plans for this week already, since we saw each other this past weekend. I actually thought I was the one being passive, but I think this guy is just pulling my chain. I am more annoyed than angry at him. And he actually only send me 1 email to say he's busy. Which kind of me makes doubt him about whether he's actually too busy or taking the easy way out. Well how long have you known Him?? and how many times have you been out with him?
northstar1 Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 It's important for both to be on the same page in terms of expectations for contact and dating. If both are satisified with minimal contact (ie. a few texts a week or a call) and seeing each other when both schedules match up, then it can work out. If both are treating it as casual and are not investing too much mental or emotional energy in it. However, the problem is that in MOST cases, one of the pair do want more contact, or are already emotionally invested, so they are not okay with minimal effort and contact with the other This is why the early days of dating are such a pain in the a__.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 16, 2010 Author Posted July 16, 2010 It's important for both to be on the same page in terms of expectations for contact and dating. If both are satisified with minimal contact (ie. a few texts a week or a call) and seeing each other when both schedules match up, then it can work out. If both are treating it as casual and are not investing too much mental or emotional energy in it. However, the problem is that in MOST cases, one of the pair do want more contact, or are already emotionally invested, so they are not okay with minimal effort and contact with the other This is why the early days of dating are such a pain in the a__. He was the one that initiated contact and he was the one that wanted to meet up. I was going with the flow in the beginning. But I figure dating should have a certain progression, such as texting or calling or anything like that. Whatever, if he disappears, I'm not going to shed a tear.
Jilly Bean Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 X - regardless of his imagined reasons for saying this, the point remains that you aren't happy with this. You could surmise it's because he's taking it slowly, or he's fragile, doesn't want to appear too eager, is playing games, or is a player, or a dick, or otherwise involved. Who knows, and who cares? Bottom line, your needs aren't getting met, so unless he steps up and provides some maintenance, I'd move on.
northstar1 Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 He was the one that initiated contact and he was the one that wanted to meet up. I was going with the flow in the beginning. But I figure dating should have a certain progression, such as texting or calling or anything like that. Whatever, if he disappears, I'm not going to shed a tear. I know, but there has to be consistancy for people to feel like things are progressing normally. If someone texts/calls/wants to meet up a lot in the beginning, then suddenly drops off, that's when it becomes frustrating. You said he's a dancer?
northstar1 Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 X - regardless of his imagined reasons for saying this, the point remains that you aren't happy with this. You could surmise it's because he's taking it slowly, or he's fragile, doesn't want to appear too eager, is playing games, or is a player, or a dick, or otherwise involved. Who knows, and who cares? Bottom line, your needs aren't getting met, so unless he steps up and provides some maintenance, I'd move on. This is very true. If it's making you feel insecure, unsure of where things are at, and he's not going to change his behaviour, then time to let him know it's not enough for you and move on.
Gattica Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 I agree it is time to move on. Your needs aren't getting met. You can analyze things to death, but that doesn't give you any answers. It is true that actions speak louder than words.
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