DontWorryBHappy Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 (edited) Just thinking about my most recent relationship that ended. It only lasted around 1.5 months. There were no major problems.. we had a few differences but were getting along really well and loving each other's company... until he randomly stopped talking to me for a few days then revealed that he felt he didn't have time for a relationship while in school. Just before this happened he was very affectionate, messaging me lots, etc. I always gave him a ton of space (never asked him to hang out and hardly initiated any conversation with him.... he was the one initiating it 95% of the time). The day after he ended it he wanted me back, but I said no because I felt he needed to work himself out and figure out what he really needs right now, and taking him back just like that would've made me feel uneasy. I basically told him that I couldn't provide a relationship right now, but put the offer on the table for him to keep talking to me and getting to know me on a deeper level... but after that one attempt at getting me back he seemed to drop the idea.. because the following day he agreed that we should keep getting to know each other and said he hopes we'll "hang out in time.". But we haven't talked since (which I expected from how passive that sounded). I guess the only conclusion I can come to is that he just wasn't feeling the relationship enough to contact me any further. If he really wanted me back I think he probably wouldn't have been so easily deterred by me not wanting to resume things immediately and would've tried to keep talking with me. So... maybe he "wanted me back" because he was scared of being alone, or wasn't used to it, or maybe his ego was hurt because I took the break up so well. Believe it or not I've been BLAMING myself a bit for not taking him back right away, thinking to myself, maybe the reason this ultimately failed was because I couldnt recognize this as a mistake on his part and forgiven him and taken him back...... But there's a part of me that really believes that me not taking him back right away wouldn't have deterred him IF he really liked me. I think if I really liked a guy and I realized I made a mistake by breaking up with him, and if the guy did NOT say he wouldnt ever get back with me and instead encouraged us getting to know each other again... I would go for that if the guy was worth it. So... I'm think he decided he simply doesn't want the relationship anymore. Maybe it's more complicated than that or maybe that's exactly right. But I tell you, I'm a little tired of putting myself into these things and seeing them fall apart... I guess that's why I'll be going it solo for a while if I can help it. Edited July 16, 2010 by DontWorryBHappy
TouchedByViolet Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 I always gave him a ton of space (never asked him to hang out and hardly initiated any conversation with him.... he was the one initiating it 95% of the time). This part stood out to me. Why do you make the guy do all the chasing? This can be a turn off for guys like myself. Makes me feel like I am burning out trying to gain the attention of someone. You contacting him and initiating activities can help you learn a little more about him too. It's nice to have girl setup an activity from time to time and plan a fun evening.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 So... I'm think he decided he simply doesn't want the relationship anymore. Maybe it's more complicated than that or maybe that's exactly right. But I tell you, I'm a little tired of putting myself into these things and seeing them fall apart... I guess that's why I'll be going it solo for a while if I can help it. It sounds like you didn't really like him. I'm sure after putting in all that effort and getting nothing in response from you he just gave up. .... I don't know what your tired of... it sounds like you put zero effort into the relationship.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted July 17, 2010 Author Posted July 17, 2010 No, no, no, you've got me all wrong. Normally when I would initiate conversation with him he would be busy studying, so in this case it was better to let him do most of it to ensure I wasn't interrupting too much. He's taking very hard classes this summer. And I always made sure to keep it balanced without feeling that I was getting in the way of his work. Sometimes he would initiate conversation for a couple days then I'd jump in and be the initiator. One of the things he mentioned when he wanted me back was that he liked that I gave him so much space. Really I tried to alternate it.... If he initiated conversation on one day I would try to do it the next.... so actually what I said before about him initiating 95% of the time is probably incorrect. In any case, let's examine the reason he gave for breaking up. He said it was because he didn't have time.... So that certainly wouldnt mean I should have initiated *more*. He was serious about his reason too.. I mean he told me about how he grew up in severe poverty and feels his life isnt worth living if he doesnt graduate and become successful in his career. So trust me,I dont think initiating more conversation with him wouldve changed a thing... Anyway, after a couple days of silence he started texting me today with "Hi" and asking what I'm up to. Then by pure chance (on a huge campus) we ran into each other. He was all smiles, gave me a hug and kept turning his head around to look back at me as we parted. Very confusing indeed. I'm simply continuing on under the assumption that nothing will come of this.
sugarmomma Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 I think you should go with your gut on this one. If he was regretful about breaking up he wouldn't be so okay with letting it go. He needs to deal with the decision he made and if he really thought he had made a mistake he would understand if you didn't take him back just like that. If you did he would probably start a pattern of breaking up with you. I don't give any chances after someone decides they want to break up. That is not something to be taken lightly. He may have met someone when he started to disappear then it went bust so he wants to use you as a fallback. Let him live with his decision or prove that he really wants you back. Move on. His loss.
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