confused5246 Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 So after 2 weeks of not contacting my boyfriend ( who asked me for a break because of issues in his life) I emailed him asking if he would like to get a drink, maybe talk about things but with no pressure. He responded saying he has no problem meeting up, never would. but as for talking, nothing has really changed. I want to see him so badly, and I want him back, but I am afraid seeing him would have no point other than to make me more sad. Should I see him for the sake of someday getting back together? or just ignore his email and take that has a no? how should i respond?
rager Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Stay away until you're over him is my advice. Look after yourself or work on fixing things about yourself as a first prioty. This is all in the NC guides on this website, your ex doesn't want to see that you're still exactly the same, it will only help remind him of why he broke up with you.
Author confused5246 Posted July 16, 2010 Author Posted July 16, 2010 OK, so now that I have broken the NC rule by sending the email, I dont know how to respond to his email response. He said he doesnt have a problem seeing me, and maybe next week if im available. I was thinking of not responding or saying somehting like "Im doing good, (he asked how I was) there's a lot of exciting things going on! This week im starting a job training, not sure what the days/hours will be like yet." and just leave it at that? but the problem is that i initiated the meetup and now im acting like im too busy...looks like im playing games!
Ilovecake Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Like somebody very brilliantly said on here before. If you got fired from a job would you keep checking in with your old boss and telling him what’s going on in your life? Probably not, so treat this the same way. He fired you from his life. He’s telling you he’s not interested in discussing it as nothing has changed, he still doesn’t want o be with you. You are not getting back together; meeting him for drinks right now while you’re all emotional will only solidify that further. You would come home absolutely crushed from meeting your ex because none of the things you want to happen would. He will act awkward because he probably doesn't want to keep rehashing the breakup; it's not a pleasant thing for either side. You’re going to be all emotional and nobody wants to be around an emotional mess, no matter how close they were at some point. Again your ex is not interested in being with you and there is nothing you can do to change his mind. It’s awful and it hurts but it’s the truth and meeting with him would hurt even more. Email him be honest. Politely tell him you changed your mind and you think it’s too soon to meet. At least that will make you seem strong and mature and maybe buy you a little bit of respect in his eyes.
Author confused5246 Posted July 16, 2010 Author Posted July 16, 2010 Thanks for the advice. I just want him back so bad. I have avoided all the begging and calling that some people do, I gave him space for 2 weeks. He initiated the break up saying that he needs to focus on himself and look for work ect, and that he doesnt see this break as a breakup like I do, that he sees it "very differently". so that is why i thought meeting wouldnt be a bad thing. He said I could call if I ever needed anything, but i havent, and neither has he. I just dont want to lose him, but i dont want to push him away by always being there
Author confused5246 Posted July 16, 2010 Author Posted July 16, 2010 Also, this bday is coming up in a week. Would it be wrong to mail him a simple card? He asked me to purchase tickets to sunset cruise this summer for him and our mutual friends, so should i put those 4 tickets in his card as his present?
Ilovecake Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 I know. We all want them back at first and it's hard to think of anything else but for your own sake you have to push through that feeling and try to stay strong. Most of the things our exs say when they're breaking up with us is to spare our feelings and not because the mean it. They want to avoid dealing with the tears and the drama because it makes them uncomfortable. The ex cares enough to not be cruel to you but doesn't care enough to want to be with you. No the breakup is not the same for him and you. It's a thousand times worse for you because your choices were taken away from you and a very big life decision was made for you and there is nothing you can do to change it. With time and some effort to life your life that feeling will go away and you will make peace with the fact that he's no longer your boyfriend. They all say you can call me when you want, and I’ll always be there for you but then when you take them up on that offer they act different then when you were together. The act distant and patronizing, emotionally that will take you right back to step one when he first rejected you. Getting a birthday card and present from you will not make him come back or fall back in love with you. Just break all contact with him or you will keep hurting. I know right now it's hard to grasp but he's simply not part of your life anymore, he doesn't want to be. Getting a card and present will only push him further away because you're reminding him of the breakup not of the good times you had. No cards, no presents, no contact.
Author confused5246 Posted July 16, 2010 Author Posted July 16, 2010 its really good advice, thank you. Looks like im still in denial phase...I am still feeling urge to ask him what the break means to him, if its ok to talk or not or him he still wants to be together.
shaquira Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 I know EXACTLY how you feel my ex beoke up with me 26 days ago!!!! The last thing he said to me was that he needed time to think OMG!!! i wont lie, it has gotten a bit easier since day 1 but i am still hoping he will call me i am talking to new guys but i am not interested in them at all! they are only there to help keep me distracted and sane i made a deal with god to send me back my ex and i promised i will be a better person hope he takes me up on that offer! if you want to talk im here !! trust me i need to vent as well
Author confused5246 Posted July 16, 2010 Author Posted July 16, 2010 Ya venting is good! so have you tried to contact him since he asked for time? I went 2 weeks before i sent an email...was so disapointed that he didnt try to contact me at all since he asked for a break. its so hard to forget about him and get it through my mind that its over. it just came out of nowhere....happy in love...then he's gone forever...
LoveTruthChaos Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 i made a deal with god to send me back my ex and i promised i will be a better person hope he takes me up on that offer! Nooooo...you didn't involve God, really? God won't come good on that offer, coz He knows there's someone MUCH better than your ex out there. Why would you pray to get a dirtbag back? God's got your back. It's not your ex's back! If you promise to be a better person, the right man for you will fall at your feet. Do it for yourself and no one else!
shaquira Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 (edited) I havent been able to contact him because he was in the process of moving...in with me!!! a few days before he broke up with me I am glad that i have no new number to reach him coz i would be soooo tempted to call and that would ruin any chance of us getting back together.. BUT he has my number basically its up2 him to call me NC day 27 ughhh!!! a guy friend told me ex will be back b4 the end of summer and is surprised that he hasnt called yet! hope he is right..anywho today i officially join the gym and to meet some hot men woohoo! and tomorrow im going to the get an (oil change) to go man(mechanic) shopping at the garage!ha! trying to fake it to make it! Edited July 17, 2010 by shaquira
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