jen_r Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 But i'm just going to be honest and tell you guys what exactly is going on in my life so you can tell me what to do. Since my ex broke up with me, I don't do anything. I don't ever leave the house except to go to class. I don't really want to hang out with my friends (which are far and few these days) because I'm just honestly depressed. You know, my future that I had been dreaming of was just snatched from right under my feet and I feel so lost and alone. My parents are looking to buy a duplex and I'm going to get one side and I should be extremely excited, but I'm not at all. I can't even bear to think about living in my new place by myself and not cooking dinners with my love and watching movies and whatever. It's like, I cannot get happy. I can laugh - but its fake. I can smile - but I really just want to cry. So, besides the usual - go out, mingle, exercise, get a hobby...etc, what does it really take to get over heartbreak? How do you love someone else again when your heart is always going to be with your ex? I'm going to be plain and simple - i am terrified. Of living alone, being alone, loving again... I know some of you are going through the same situations but, I feel like I'm very different. I don't fall for people easily, I don't open up easily...and I feel like I'm going to be alone for a longggg time before I even consider letting someone into my life again. It really makes me sad.
skydiveaddict Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 (edited) I know exactly how you feel Jen. Rejection and heartache are the worst. You might want to seek out a doctor who can give you some anti-depressants. Two weeks after I got home from the war my gf broke up w/me. I had to deal w/ that as well as ptsd. The meds and counseling really helped me. You should consider it And you are NOT pathetic Edited July 16, 2010 by skydiveaddict
ahashakeheartbreak Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Jen you are not pathetic! Nor is it different for you...trust me...I know it may seem like it now, but with time that kind of fog you have over your brain, that fog of despair, it starts to fade and you can think more clearly. You didn't mention how long it's been since you've been broken up...it's taking me a long time to get over my ex BUT I am SO much better than I was two months ago, by a long shot. Try to keep your brain occupied on other things, and get out of the house sometimes. Time is really the only thing that's going to heal you. But I promise things will get better. (:
Thierro Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 It makes me sad reading this. I feel for you. I think we need to get in line. Millions have already went through the same as we did and millions will still follow. We are looking for the answer to ‘why?’ We believe we are an exception. That our situation is different from the rest even tough people describe the exact feelings that we are trying to cope with. I still do too. I still believe she and I are different from the rest. I still have a hard time moving on. I still believe she will come back to me. The moments we shared together; I want them to be real, to be true. I want to believe in true love and want to believe she will come around. I don’t want NC, I just want her next to me sleeping. We will have to give it time. I guess we will love again when he/she isn’t coming back. Things will fade.. I don’t know what the future brings, but from now on I will be good. Let’s hope that he/she will be happy. We are learning a lot though through this break-up. Introspection, reframing ourselves, self-love that needs to be fine tuned, realizing that things that are good end and that we need to cherish what we love every day. We gave our best, Jen. We gave our best.. We are still a work in progress. It takes two to make things happen.
Maverick1983 Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Hi Jen.I'm sorry to hear you are going through this but we've all been there and we will all testify that we had it worse because we really do believe so.When we break from a loved one there is no other pain out there that seems worse.There are numerous ways to pull through the wreckage however.I would personally advise you to seek the help of a counsellor.Many people feel ashamed to admit to seeing a counsellor but sometimes it's the only way to clear the miserable thoughts from you're head.If you don't fancy that maybe buy an a4 notebook and write everything down i.e the reasons,the problems,the way forward( better on a piece of paper than lingering in your head) I know it takes time but like many will tell you on here, you will come through it and discover yourself again so begin today being positive about yourself and try your best to see what the other person is missing.You are definately not pathetic you are just hurting.Keep your chin up and all the best.
spyyder Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 I understand your pain all too well. Your depressed because you had a real future planned out with your ex, and now that its not happening its all can think about. I bet your future was to live with him, do everything with him, etc. Realize that it WILL happen. Your dream WILL happen, but just not with your ex. It will be with someone else. Someone thats better than your ex, was meant to really be with you and someone that WILL make you feel like your ex wasn't that great anyway. When my ex broke up with me I was incredibly depressed (like you), and chasing her didn't help. I got a new BMW (I was planning it for months actually) but I wasn't even slightly excited when I was going to the dealership to get it, and wasn't happy at all when I got it as I felt like what's the point if I don't have her and share it with her. I no longer think this and am very happy with the car. The reason is because I don't associate getting new things, or being happy, or experiencing new joys in life with my ex. YOU MUST stop associating your life goals, and the new things you get/experience with your ex! You need to start thinking of yourself! You still picture yourself with your ex making dinner or cuddling??? Well... you can still picture that, but don't picture your ex in it. Picture another guy, doesn't have to be a specific guy, even a blur will do, but just another guy. Realize that your dream, and your image of you being really happy WILL still come true, but it will just be with someone else. The best part is that you will one day be with someone else who will be better than your ex. He will really be 'the one' for you and he will make your ex seem not that great after all. Realize that your ex LEFT you....he left you cut & dry, all alone, like trash. If he really was that great, would he have done that to you? No! You must realize that your ex isn't the person you thought he was. He didn't show his real colors until you broke up, and what you experienced with him when you two were together wasn't real as he wasn't real with you...all the good memories you had with him are memories with someone who wasn't who you thought he was. Consider all your good memories fake, and all your bad memories real as only the bad memories show'd his true side. I know going through the whole thing again to find someone sounds bad. Having to meet someone again, having to go through all the trouble again, having all the problems again, etc. But realize that its something all of us must do, and must do several times in order to find the one. Realize that you learned LOTS of new things when being with your ex that will help you find 'the one' and realize that the depression your going through now is just one of the hardspots of your path in life. Nothing great in life is easy to achieve! Finding 'the one' will be very hard, but when you eventually get him you'll consider all the work well worth it.
GrayClouds Posted July 18, 2010 Posted July 18, 2010 So, besides the usual - go out, mingle, exercise, get a hobby...etc, what does it really take to get over heartbreak? How do you love someone else again when your heart is always going to be with your ex? I'm going to be plain and simple - i am terrified. Of living alone, being alone, loving again... I know some of you are going through the same situations but, I feel like I'm very different. I don't fall for people easily, I don't open up easily...and I feel like I'm going to be alone for a longggg time before I even consider letting someone into my life again. It really makes me sad. It is hard and takes time. It also takes work, so yes exercise,eating well, eating regularly, journal your thoughts. Though has much as you miss the ex much of your pain is as you said you terrified of living alone. It is time to find how you can go from fear to love, if you do not like the idea of living with yourself why should anyone else want to live with you. Finding enjoyment with this time alone is the hard work that must be done, the lesson this break-up is here to teach you. Yes, scary stuff but the strengths you will find when you figure it out will be amazing. Pick up the book "Journey from Abandonment to Healing" and do the exercises, it will help you. Good luck.
Author jen_r Posted July 19, 2010 Author Posted July 19, 2010 Thank you all for your replys. It truly helps to hear from those of you that are going/have gone through this. I think my problem is that I've never loved before and never had real heartbreak. I have to learn how to cope. I think it's hard for me to grasp the fact that I have no control over the situation. I disappeared for a while and went to my lake house for a few days with no internet, thus why I haven't replied. I just really needed to clear my head and get my self back in check & back to reality. It helped. I'm still sad, but at least my mind is back somewhere safe. But thank you guys again for giving me insight and glimpses into your lives and what you're going through. Somehow knowing that you guys are heartbroken too, makes me feel less alone.
GrayClouds Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 (edited) I disappeared for a while and went to my lake house for a few dayse. well it is not all bad you have lake house;) I think it's hard for me to grasp the fact that I have no control over the situation. This is where you are wrong, you have compete control on how you react to it. You can choose to be a victim of it or choose to be proactive and use the pain to improve yourself and create the life you want. Second thing is harder but much more rewarding. Edited July 19, 2010 by GrayClouds
Author jen_r Posted July 19, 2010 Author Posted July 19, 2010 well it is not all bad you have lake house;) Yeah, except HE has a lake house right near mine, on the same beach...i'll never fully escape him. Great huh? This is where you are wrong, you have compete control on how you react to it. You can choose to be a victim of it or choose to be proactive and use the pain to improve yourself and create the life you want. Second thing is harder but much more rewarding. I mean, I don't have say in the situation, I have no control over whether we stayed together or not. He holds all the power, ya know?
Ilovecake Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Jen R you just described every sign of a clinical depression. You need to talk to a counselor and get on meds ASAP. The longer you wait the harder it will be for you to snap out of it.
Ilovecake Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 Yeah, except HE has a lake house right near mine, on the same beach...i'll never fully escape him. Great huh? I mean, I don't have say in the situation, I have no control over whether we stayed together or not. He holds all the power, ya know? It's not about having a say in the situation it's about deciding how you react to it. You have complete control over that. If you decide to fall apart you will fall apart, if you decide to roll up your sleeves and fight this and make the best of your life then that's what will happen. You are not a victim of your circumstances. You can't control your ex but you are a 100% in control of you.
Author jen_r Posted July 19, 2010 Author Posted July 19, 2010 Jen R you just described every sign of a clinical depression. You need to talk to a counselor and get on meds ASAP. The longer you wait the harder it will be for you to snap out of it. I know that I should get something to help me right now but I dont like the idea of being on meds. But I also cannot go on feeling like this...it's not healthy. I dunno what to do really...
spyyder Posted July 19, 2010 Posted July 19, 2010 (edited) I know that I should get something to help me right now but I dont like the idea of being on meds. But I also cannot go on feeling like this...it's not healthy. I dunno what to do really... I experienced something very similar and I also felt like how could I live on when I never imagined living without my ex. It took me about 1.5 months to get over the depression, and then after that I cried as I still felt bad but was no longer 'depressed' about life, just felt bad about losing my ex I don't think you need meds or need to seek help. You just need to realize that your life isn't going to include your ex, how to live without your ex, and realize that you will live with someone one day but that someone just isn't your ex. Give it another 2 months till you consider meds. Your depressed over losing your ex? Just remember that your ex was horrible for leaving you! You ex is a horrible guy. Why be depressed over losing a horrible guy? You should be happy, and happy that your moving on with your life, and on the path to finding your perfect guy. Perhaps your thinking that you'll never meet someone like your ex (when he was with you), especially in this day and age. Well guess what...there are tons of guys on LS that are the romantic, loving, understanding and faithful type, which proves that guys like us are still out there. Oh yeah every time you feel like crying, like I said..look at a mirror and try to laugh at yourself. It works! Also try masturbating as it should make you feel better (did for me anyways!) and speed up getting over the depression. The moment you start dating, you'll also feel yourself becoming happier and happier. Don't mention your ex, don't even think about him. Just get him out of your mind! Get it out! Your thinking about him right now aren't you????Well get him out and think about a plastic bag full of lard every time you do. Edited July 20, 2010 by spyyder
paleblue Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 First, You are Not Pathetic. Don't even think that. Second, it just takes time to get over heartbreak. Time, and just continuing on with your life. If you need to take some time out here and there you should. But just completely shutting down is not good for you. Keeping active, keeping you mind occupied is good. it will help with the depression. Give yoursel permission to do a few things that would really make you feel good. A few shopping trips perhaps?? Oh you will love again. I can guarantee it. It will be different. And it will be better than what you had as impossible as that sounds right now. You will not love again until your heart has healed from your ex. It is scary but you will go thru it like the rest of us have on here and come out a better person, like the rest of us on here. It just takes time! Hang in there : )
Author jen_r Posted July 20, 2010 Author Posted July 20, 2010 I experienced something very similar and I also felt like how could I live on when I never imagined living without my ex. It took me about 1.5 months to get over the depression, and then after that I cried as I still felt bad but was no longer 'depressed' about life, just felt bad about losing my ex I don't think you need meds or need to seek help. You just need to realize that your life isn't going to include your ex, how to live without your ex, and realize that you will live with someone one day but that someone just isn't your ex. Give it another 2 months till you consider meds. Your depressed over losing your ex? Just remember that your ex was horrible for leaving you! You ex is a horrible guy. Why be depressed over losing a horrible guy? You should be happy, and happy that your moving on with your life, and on the path to finding your perfect guy. Perhaps your thinking that you'll never meet someone like your ex (when he was with you), especially in this day and age. Well guess what...there are tons of guys on LS that are the romantic, loving, understanding and faithful type, which proves that guys like us are still out there. Oh yeah every time you feel like crying, like I said..look at a mirror and try to laugh at yourself. It works! Also try masturbating as it should make you feel better (did for me anyways!) and speed up getting over the depression. The moment you start dating, you'll also feel yourself becoming happier and happier. Don't mention your ex, don't even think about him. Just get him out of your mind! Get it out! Your thinking about him right now aren't you????Well get him out and think about a plastic bag full of lard every time you do. I know, somewhere down the road (who really knows when exactly) I will be okay. But the overwhelming feeling right now is what concerns me. It makes me wonder if he's really the one for me and thats why I can't just f**king forget him! I tried the bag of lard thing...lol it worked for a second. . --- You know, I don't want to be this person. In fact, when my brother went through this a few years back I was baffled at his actions. He was acting exactly as I am now :-/. I remember all the stuff I told him and how I would handle the situation and he said "I wish I could have your attitude towards life." I can't even take my own damn advice! Its crazy...I know all the right things to do. I know I should stop contacting him and tell him to eff off and that I don't need a person like him in my life. I just can't do it - why? Who knows. Maybe I'm a glutten for punishment.
A Hot Mess Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 It's definitely confusing that what we KNOW, is oftentimes greatly different from what we feel or do. I'm right there with you about having in my mind what I need to be doing or feeling, yet all I can do is think about her and what she's doing, and stay in my mopey funk. It's been almost crippling.
sensi Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 You have to check this blog out - it's funny, heartbreaking yet realistic [COLOR=#660000]http://ridingsolo.wordpress.com/[/COLOR] It makes you realise you're not the only person in the world who's heart is breaking....
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