worlybear Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Got home today to find the decree nisi on the door mat. Yes I knew it would eventually arrive but I'm still absolutely gutted. It just seems such a little piece of paper to cover so many years of marriage. Apparently my exH will have to pay costs but I still haven't found out exactly what these financial costs are. I know that emotionally,myself and my kids are absolutely rock bottom. OW is already living with my ex-I don't think I can bear it if he marries her on top of everything else. I'm trying very hard to make a new life for my daughters and myself-joined a rotary club, got involved with school but its such an uphill struggle- and everything I do is tainted by the idea that ex and ow are living in some kind of undeserved bliss-can't see my way forward at all.
anne1707 Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Worly This was bound to be a bad day. Even when you know it's going to happen, it still can seem unreal and a shock when you see it is all becoming official. I do worry for you. You are still having such a hard time and whilst every situation is different, I would have hoped that by now that you were not as low as you are for so much of the time. I can't remember now whether you have been through any IC but I really do think you might benefit from being given a chance to work your way about how you feel with a counsellor. You could try Relate as a start - they are not just about couples.
marlena Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Got home today to find the decree nisi on the door mat. Yes I knew it would eventually arrive but I'm still absolutely gutted. It just seems such a little piece of paper to cover so many years of marriage. Apparently my exH will have to pay costs but I still haven't found out exactly what these financial costs are. I know that emotionally,myself and my kids are absolutely rock bottom. OW is already living with my ex-I don't think I can bear it if he marries her on top of everything else. I'm trying very hard to make a new life for my daughters and myself-joined a rotary club, got involved with school but its such an uphill struggle- and everything I do is tainted by the idea that ex and ow are living in some kind of undeserved bliss-can't see my way forward at all. If it´s any comfort, I can almost guarantee you that they are not living in bliss. Happiness based on another´s pain and misery can not be true happiness. It´s a horrible way to start any relationship and they will soon feel the consequences of what they have done. Trust me. In the meantime, look straight ahead and with strength and determination, move on with your life until you are in a better place. In fact, hard to believe I know, but you are already in a better place. No more lies, no more subterfuge. Just you and a fresh, new beginning. Make the best of it.
Author worlybear Posted July 15, 2010 Author Posted July 15, 2010 Worly This was bound to be a bad day. Even when you know it's going to happen, it still can seem unreal and a shock when you see it is all becoming official. I do worry for you. You are still having such a hard time and whilst every situation is different, I would have hoped that by now that you were not as low as you are for so much of the time. I can't remember now whether you have been through any IC but I really do think you might benefit from being given a chance to work your way about how you feel with a counsellor. You could try Relate as a start - they are not just about couples. I did go to counselling and you're right, I think I need to go back.(Haven't been in about 8 weeks.) Thought I was ok but lots has happened recently- I'm looking for work as my contract has finished(rarer than hen's teeth)-money is very tight and I've had to apply for benefits which makes me feel scorched with embarrassment. and my oldest son is due in court next week (responsible for a serious car accident also linked to my Ex's actions) so the family will be high profile again in the local community and papers for all the wrong reasons. I only really let my guard down on here and outwardly everyone in my life thinks I'm coping really well- I have to be strong for my family especially my youngest daughter. She's doing o.k now and its up to me to keep her on an even keel- it was her Sports Day today and she had lots of fun. Loads of hugs and stickers!She didn't mention her Dad once despite the fact lots of her friend's dads were there which I think is really,really sad. Everthing seems such a muddle.
anne1707 Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 You can only be strong if you look after yourself too. There is no shame in trying to get help - whether that be counselling or claiming benefits.
Recommended Posts