Funf Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I've been dating a new guy recently and I can't get over the fact that he was single and that he wanted to date me, of all people. He's very attractive, smart, athletic, friendly, fun, and basically an all-around good guy. I really enjoy being with him and I thank my lucky stars that he was single at the perfect time. But that's what my mind is messing with me: why was he single? Is he too good to be true? I think why my mind is obsessing over this is because this is what happened with my last ex. I thought he was perfect and I couldn't get over the fact that he was single when I met him. Then one day he dropped a bomb on me and I found out why he had been single for such a long time. It took 3.5 years for the relationship to end but it was all downhill after he disclosed his criminal past. I guess I'm waiting for this to happen again. I'm angry at myself for thinking that the past has to repeat itself and worrying about stuff that hasn't even happened. I don't know what to do.
Engadget Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I'm the same way, I sabotage my chances right off the bat because I'm afraid to get close to anyone. All I can say is it will take time, but you have to work through it and feel better about yourself.
robdrm32 Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Well i'll use myself as an example. Without coming off as high on myself, i'm pretty much the same as you described this guy to be. And before my most recent ex, I was single for 5 years. It was often by choice and often by me just being out of sorts (fell on hard times, had a bad experience that left me hating the world) and it took me a while to come around. Now, maybe he is along the same lines, maybe he isnt. You may have met him after a time when he finally came to terms with himself. Asking him is probably the easiest route to figuring it out.
Serenitynow Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I've been dating a new guy recently and I can't get over the fact that he was single and that he wanted to date me, But that's what my mind is messing with me: why was he single? Is he too good to be true? Just break up with him now, tell him "you deserve better, you're too nice " Thats what women have told me when they dont know how to handle good guys. OK back to reality. Do you see how the previous post described that maybe the guy is this or that ? Why would anyone assume he has issues ? Becuase hes single ? Thats your reason for questioning his situation ? This is exactly what us guys mean when we say women like guys with problems. Because when women find a guy with no problems, they dont know how to deal with it in a mature manner. Step back and look at what you are doing. You are trying to figure out WHY this guy is in this good situation. WHY must you dig at it and find dirt ? I challenge you to answer that.
Cracker Jack Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I agree with Serenity. Can you at least give the guy a fair chance without comparing him to your ex? I don't see the logic in over-analyzing things like this so much. Genuinely good guys being single is not abnormal. He choose you because he obviously considered you special in his eyes. Leave it be.
jstalltxga Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 I dated a girl for a bit who asked me why I was single and hadn't found anyone. my only response was 'I don't know'. honestly, just let that be his business. He may feel insecure about it. the past is just the past, focus on the present and what you like about this person. stop trying to find reasons why you don't. and guys hate it when girls probe into personal stuff like that. it just makes us feel self conscious.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 I guess I'm waiting for this to happen again. I'm angry at myself for thinking that the past has to repeat itself and worrying about stuff that hasn't even happened. I don't know what to do. Just run a background check on the guy... then stop worrying about it.
gamma1 Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 I've been dating a new guy recently and I can't get over the fact that he was single and that he wanted to date me, of all people. He's very attractive, smart, athletic, friendly, fun, and basically an all-around good guy. I really enjoy being with him and I thank my lucky stars that he was single at the perfect time. But that's what my mind is messing with me: why was he single? Is he too good to be true? If he wasn't single, he would have not been open to dating you. Why does it matter anyway? Why not enjoy what you have with him. If you keep thinking about the past, you will destroy the relationship. I don't think he's too good to be true, but over time you will find out that he has weaknesses and is not perfect. None of us are perfect.
zengirl Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 I've been dating a new guy recently and I can't get over the fact that he was single and that he wanted to date me, of all people. He's very attractive, smart, athletic, friendly, fun, and basically an all-around good guy. I really enjoy being with him and I thank my lucky stars that he was single at the perfect time. But that's what my mind is messing with me: why was he single? Is he too good to be true? I think why my mind is obsessing over this is because this is what happened with my last ex. I thought he was perfect and I couldn't get over the fact that he was single when I met him. Then one day he dropped a bomb on me and I found out why he had been single for such a long time. It took 3.5 years for the relationship to end but it was all downhill after he disclosed his criminal past. I guess I'm waiting for this to happen again. I'm angry at myself for thinking that the past has to repeat itself and worrying about stuff that hasn't even happened. I don't know what to do. You've got to accept the past and let it go. That sounds cliche, but it just is. This guy may be awesome. Or he may be awful. Doesn't matter. You will live through it either way. The only thing you can do wrong is assume an awesome guy is awful and shut him out for it. If he turns out to be a jerk, you can deal with that then. Be honest and open. Have fun. Get to know him. Nobody knows what's going to happen, and nobody can change what has happened to you. Nobody is perfect, but nobody needs to be perfect. They just need to be the right fit for where they are. You guys might fit; you might not. Why worry about it so much? Sure, you shouldn't avoid warning signs that he's lying to you, but you didn't list any such signs. Don't look for them. If they exist, you'll see them without trying. As long as you're always honest with yourself, you'll be fine. Also: Lots of great people are single for lots of great reasons. I take umbrage to the idea that awesome people can't be single. You really need to work on being a little bit happier with yourself!
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