ChoccyOrange Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Hi everyone, I stumbled across this site while looking for answers on the internet, and i was wondering if anyone can help I have been with my boyfriend for just under 3 years. When we had been together for around 7/8 months, he had a one night stand with a girl he worked with. We hadnt had sex at this point, as it was my first real relationship and basically i wanted to make really sure i was ready. We had sex for the first time (also my first ever time) after being together around 10/11 months. I didnt find out about his one night stand until we had been together for a year and a half, when a friend found out and told me. My boyfriend basically said that he never told me because it meant nothing to him. He counts me as his 'first' and says it was just a stupid mistake and it will never ever happen again. He said he didnt talk to her after it happened but when i was on his facebook page (some months later) i found out that he had been talking to her a few weeks after our first time together and she was even asking if he was having a good time visiting me (i was away at uni) which i found really strange. Everyone unfortunately found out about it (because a girl who i sued to be friends with decided it would be great to tell EVERYONE). The thing is, every so often it pops into my head and i stress out that maybe something is going on, that hes keeping things from me, that what if its happened again. Everyone was absolutely shocked that it was true that it had happened, because he is the quietest, nicest guy - i just couldnt believe that he would do something like that. Now i feel awkward when i speak to people i know because i wonder if they know, feel like they are changing the subject when i mention him and so wonder if they know something i dont (i.e. if hes cheating again). I really dont know what to do, i just want to put this behind me and go on with my life with my boyfriend. He has done many things to make it up to me, and still reassures me when i need it, will show me his phone to prove nothing is going on, texts me all the time even when at work, sees me whenever he isnt at work and shows no signs that anything at all is going on. Basically i just cant let go - in all areas of my life i hold onto things and worry and stress over them, and basically i just worry that something is happening again and im oblivious and will be humiliated again I have talked this through so many times with my boyfriend and he says he still feels guilty and it was just a stupid mistake I dont know what to do
ReadyforLove Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Well, he cheated and then lied about not being in contact with her. So how do you know if he is being truthful and faithful to you now? He said the one-night stand didn't mean anything to him but it is obvious that YOU didn't mean anything to him either. If a man loves you and respects you he wouldn't cheat on you!
Serenitynow Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 If you want to be stress free, dump the loser. If you want to be a doormat, then keep dating him. .
Enchanted Girl Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 If he cheats on you again, do not think about what to do, dump him. And you need to have a talk with him. Trust is about MORE than not cheating on someone, it's about not lying to them as well and even if you can trust him not to cheat, you can't trust him not to lie. Does he feel sorry for that at all? Is he trying to comfort you in about that at all? Has he apologized for lying? I always think it's worth to cheat and lie, then to cheat and come clean about it right away and say you're sorry. It means more, when the other person has no way of figuring it out, that they are being told the truth anyway. It shows that the person genuinely feels sorry and wants to repair things, but when you continue to lie, it shows you are dishonest and sneaky. It doesn't matter how upset you get about things he says. There is no trust if there is lies. And has he given you a reason WHY he cheated? And figured out a way to be different now?
Author ChoccyOrange Posted July 16, 2010 Author Posted July 16, 2010 Hi everyone, thanks for replying I just want to know if i can put this behind me and move on - he has given me no reason to think anything might have happened again, and yes he does still feel guilty about what happened and what it did to me I dont want to dump him because i want to spend the rest of my life with him And yes if god forbid it should happen again, that would be it. He says he doesnt know why, which i know is a crap excuse, but basically i think we were fighting a lot, he was drunk and some girl threw herself at him
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