smk Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I think that I am actually losing my mind. Its been over a month - and I know I should have maintained NC all along but I didnt, however this last week things just get worse... I thought that I was at that point where I had stopped going through all the what if scenarios in my mind, only for them to resurface - she is still the first person I think of in the morning, I am still waking up in the middle of the night expecting to receive that text msg from her, I have started crying even more - I am forever teary eyed - I burst out into tears at the slightest thing - I am overly emotional - and I just want it to end now. My panic attacks have reduced, but my emotional state is in absolute tatters... Is this normal??? When will it stop being so painful??? I am now over 24 hrs without NC - have been tempted to phone her but I have restrained myself, I am pushing myself harder at the gym and at work - but I dread the evening when I have to go home, I dread the weekends when I have nothing to occupy my mind with. All my friends and family are absolutely bored to death of hearing me analyse, and re-analyse the relationship and try to figure out what went wrong. I am now at this point where the only thoughts in my head are her - I cant stop thinking about her and rehashing all the what-if scenarios - heck I even contemplated begging her to rethink her decision, to give the relationship another go.... Urghhh...... I just want to scream........
earthfireuk Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I understand your pain. I had a week of feeling a little bit better and then Wham! Without warning the pain came back again. Its horrible that you think you are feeling a bit better and then you feel even worse than before. I too have not maintained No Contact and I keep thinking what if I had stuck to it religiously... would she have come back to me??... thats one of my most nagging thoughts. we have barely been talking (a couple of texts a week and a short phonecall last week) and I can sense her becoming more emotionally distant as time goes on. It hurts so much. Your right The weekends are the worst its hard to not imagin them out having fun with guys while your home alone. So fill your weekends with something different. One good thing that I find helps is taking up a really random hobby. Maybe something adrenaline charged if thats your kind of thing? I have started having snowboarding lessons and also gliding. It makes me feel quite good and also give you something cool to talk about. Be strong.
Author smk Posted July 15, 2010 Author Posted July 15, 2010 I understand your pain. I had a week of feeling a little bit better and then Wham! Without warning the pain came back again. Its horrible that you think you are feeling a bit better and then you feel even worse than before. I too have not maintained No Contact and I keep thinking what if I had stuck to it religiously... would she have come back to me??... thats one of my most nagging thoughts. we have barely been talking (a couple of texts a week and a short phonecall last week) and I can sense her becoming more emotionally distant as time goes on. It hurts so much. Your right The weekends are the worst its hard to not imagin them out having fun with guys while your home alone. So fill your weekends with something different. One good thing that I find helps is taking up a really random hobby. Maybe something adrenaline charged if thats your kind of thing? I have started having snowboarding lessons and also gliding. It makes me feel quite good and also give you something cool to talk about. Be strong. Hey, At least now I know I am not losing the plot...LOL... Last week I honestly thought I was getting better and was moving on, and then bam all of u sudden I am worse off then I was before... I cant eat, I cant sleep, I cant even do anything without thinking of her and It seems to just get worse each day.... With us, the first week after we broke up I phoned her up a couple of times, other than that its been her initiating contact and me being the idiot who has so many hopes keeps on answering thinking she wants me back... Most of the talks have been very brief, but other days its ended up being anywhere between 30 mins to an hour before she ends it abruptly which leaves me wondering what the heck is going on... Yeah I know what you mean about the maintaining NC thoughts - I keep on getting those thoughts, but then another thought that comes into my mind is that If i had maintained NC maybe I would have pushed her even further away and its driving me mad... Each time I speak to her its break me apart even more, knowing that the one person I that truly brought peace and joy in my life is only a phonecall away yet I cant be with her, I wish she just knew what it does to me, and I know its my duty to let her know of this, but to be honest I think that if i say that to her then any chance we will have of getting back will end completely. I have taken up my running again and have started training for my first half marathon, but even then there are only so many hours in a day that I can run and after that I am back to square one. I am sitting at home miserable on my own while everytime I have spoken to her all she tells me is how she has been going out, etc with her friends... If I go out with my friends we normally end up at a bar, which leads to me drinking which doesnt help either. If i stay at home, I end up drinking and its just a vicious cycle...
Lovingmargy Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 It hurts bad. I have been going through the same problem for a month now. I had called my ex many times only to get a nasty respond from him. DON"T DO IT!!! I know is hard, but if you keep contacting her it would only push her away. Out of sight, out of mind! Think of all the things you can do as a single man. Better yourself for you, not for her. Stress is really bad for the human body. Trust me, it is working for me. Make yourself look good, and feel good about yourself. Think of the entire relationship, not just the good times. Often people want their ex so bad that they forget the bad things too. If it is meant to be nothing will stop it, and if it is not meant to be then you all being together won't help either. Keep being strong! It will pay off and you will feel so much better about yourself! Best of luck!♥
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