wierdmunky Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Lately I've been frustrated with my family, with my little sisters accomplishments, and her staying here for the summer, she has a lot to update and talk about. Everyone is happy to hear and so am I. I'm just feeling lost even within our own family. The parents do love to soak up in the pride. We're all totally different people. We're both "likeable", but have different areas of interest, and we get a long with each other. She's more personable with people, has had a seemingly perfect life, and my parents never had a problem with her or her school. She like's to talk about her accomplishments, and the what goes around the grapevine since her college and our church network are the same. She dresses "girly", and is going to be a Nurse (my mom is also a LVN). I'm personable but not that happy lately, I'm not too introvert or extrovert, I've had trouble with my parents my whole life, I was doing really well in school until we decided to homeschool and move, I liked sports, like to talk about current events, and abhor pretentious gossip. Our network of people consists of a lot of church people, and I try to stay away from judgmental talking, people tend to LOVE to hear about it since they are all sort of considered "secrets". I like hearing bout science, history, and random things. Not exactly the acceptable topic for small talk. I'm studying graphic design, and dress more "indie". For years and years and still today I am pressured to change my major. My friends believe in me, but my parents don't. I have faith in myself, but the nit pickyness of the family is getting to me, and I'm slipping into to self-loathing mood. I usually just get to the gym, and keep myself busy, but at the end of the day it still feels lonely in a house full of people. It's like I'm invisible, but all their undertones make me feel like I also stick out of a crowd because I'm weird or something. How can I gain some independence back without making them feel I don't like them. How do I get comfortable with them knowing that I'm different. I used to just want them to be happy and make them like me for me, but it also feels uncomfortable, and unnatural.
bac Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 From my experience, your parents can not understand you because they can not read your mind. There is the only way for you to be accepted for who you are to express yourself assertively and patently. Many parents lack communication skills and are capable to understand their kids only if those are very similar to them. If you are different from your parents, they can not understand you unless you take your time to express yourself and stand up for your rights without conflict and display of negative emotions. It takes time for some parents to understand something like that, but with multiple efforts and good will they slowly should figure out the true you because deep inside they do love you, i hope. The way you feel and think seems natural to you, but the way is totally misterious to some other people who feel and think differently. But, they would be able to understand you if you are open to express yourself verbally.
Author wierdmunky Posted July 17, 2010 Author Posted July 17, 2010 thank u for the insight. I do try to show my perspective, but it a lot of times turns into an argument. They take it as "talking back", I've had them turn angry or more furrow-browed at my ideas, or reasonings which to me seem pretty normal. I'm not extreme. Just different. I like to see things more openmindedly and that most people that we have chosen to be surrounded by, to have good intentions. My parents I feel can be so insecure, or guarded. Sometimes I don't understand why they can BE so harsh about other people's feelings, intentions, but (maybe they think I don't see it) will talk just as rudely about them without trying to even find a solution. That's one reason why I can't stand gossip in the first place because I've been around this drama since the beginning. There's so much pressure to uphold the family name, and it just confuses me why they continually express I am a "bad" one, and not think twice that they hurt my feelings. Is it so wrong to not judge other people because they look a certain way? to talk to them? They get so scared of people who have a even a smidge of what they think is a badboy/girl look. They have always been like that, but over the years they have been gradually more accepting, but things like earrings on guys, baggy pants, white tees, skater looking, urban looking, for guys or more than one set of earrings on girls, edgy haircuts, or edgy clothes, if we bring any one in the house that might carry any of those traits, they automatically start judging that they are a bad influence, and we are "followers". We obviously come from opposite corners of the room. I have many successful friends who don't look conservative. That isn't good enough for them. It's the fact that they aren't conservative. Until I fully conform to this conservatism, I'll be treated this same way forever.
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