EskimoPassingBy Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 (edited) Okay. So me and this girl met online 4 months ago. The biggest problem is that she is 4 years older than me. I am 19 turning 20 and shes 23 turning 24. I did not expect our relationship to become so serious. She decided to come over for a holiday. For the 19 days we really did hit it off and we were really compatible. Everyday we went out together, talked together and did everything together. But 5 days ago she left. Initially I was very devastated. She had become a part of my life and everything I saw reminded me of her. Then my mum had tried to find hints of our relationship and I broke the news. My parents did not receive it well. At first I didn't let it get to my mind that much. Then I started to get paranoid about all the reasons they gave. Reasons they gave: 1) What you're feeling might just be infatuation 2) Shes in the age when people marry, and you're still young. Are you so 100% certain that you will marry her? It will be unfair that one day you guys decide you're not compatible and then break up. She will be at the biggest lost. 3) You guys have barely started. Is it really worth the risk with all these problems that might arise. Needless to say you guys are so far apart as well. 4) You haven't even seen much of the world. When you meet more people then you're going to start doubting 5) She has a degree and now you're still in uni studying. 6) If things don't work out. You will regret it for the rest of your life. Because you've made her wait for you for so long. 7) Women age faster, when u meet new people will you start regretting her? At first, I really did miss her alot. I felt that she is the girl for me. But after I talked to my parents, I started seeing their point and couldn't stop crying that fate has to do this to us. I started to doubt my love and question our relationship. Doubt leads to more doubt. I started to feel that I'm forgetting the happiness we had in the 19 days that she was here. Which I think I have. I can remember them but as normal thoughts but not the same as how I felt while I was there with her. Right now I've told her that I want to break for both our good. But have I really did the right decision? My head feels heavy from all the thinking over this relationship. When I look at the pictures we have of everyday, my heart doesn't react. I feel numbed, but I don't want her to be so upset. Shes very upset. At first I was thinking for her, I didn't want to be selfish. I have all the time to try out this relationship but she doesn't. She will age. She needs a dependable man. But now I'm wondering if I'm being selfish by trying to be selfless. But now with all the logic put into this, it made me question my own love. Because right now I really feel like my head is very heavy. I feel numbed. Have I really stopped loving her so suddenly? or did what my parents tell me affect me? Is it worth the risk? I really need your inputs. Edited July 15, 2010 by EskimoPassingBy
aerogurl87 Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Did you discuss all the reasons your parents gave with her? If not then your doing her a disservice by not being honest with her about the reasons as to why you really wanted to break things off. And another thing, 24 is still young. By the time your her age she'll be 28 which is still a prime age to get married and start a family.
Author EskimoPassingBy Posted July 15, 2010 Author Posted July 15, 2010 I have discussed with her. As a matter a fact, I still am discussing with her as of now on MSN. My friends and her friends are very supportive. I don't want to portray myself as a good man in the break up. I told her I don't know if I really suddenly feel no love for her or I've succumbed to all the stress and reasoning. You're right, 24 and 28 is still young and good for marriage. I don't mind if I really do marry her when I'm 24. But the future is really hard to tell. I don't want to be the factor to ruin her life. I don't want that when I reach 24, I see more of the world and feel that me and her ain't meant to be. Is 4 months of relationship worth taking this risk for her? I have all the time I want but she doesn't. I don't want anything bad to happen for her. And the LDR is already hard enough for us to maintain. Am I being too logical?
aerogurl87 Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 EskimoPassingBy, look no matter how long you've been with someone, relationships will always be a risk because you don't know what tomorrow brings. Even if you two stay together it won't be a waste of time as long as you grow from the experience of dating her. With that said, 4 months is enough time to take a risk if you feel it'll be worth it in the end. I'll use myself as an example. I started talking to my boyfriend back in January which is also when we decided to become official. We met 4 months later in May and I stayed with him and his family for 2 weeks. Then I had to leave him and come back home and it's been almost 6 months that we've been together. It's been hard, very hard being in a LDR but he's worth it and I wouldn't change being with him even if he's a 12 hour journey away via plane, for anything. If you feel strongly about her and feel this isn't an infatuation, go for it. But if you feel like you don't have it in you to do a LDR, let her go.
Author EskimoPassingBy Posted July 15, 2010 Author Posted July 15, 2010 For me and her, Its 11 hours flight and 4 hours time difference (5 hours in summer). I guess my biggest problem now is to see if its infatuation or really love. I can't see how I can just stop loving in a short time period. I wonder if all the logical thinking has made me feel that I don't love her. I hope there's a way to tell soon. I feel that if I am having such trouble wondering if I do love her or not, doesn't that alone prove that I don't? Its hard. Too much has happened in the past week. Sleepless nights and waking up everyday thinking of this same issue. Thank you for your advice.
Author EskimoPassingBy Posted July 15, 2010 Author Posted July 15, 2010 I have decided the best way to figure out. And she agreed to follow with it. I'm going to do NC with her for 1 week. And have a verdict by the end of this. I don't want to be unfair to her and not give this r/s a chance too. Hope its a logical decision
Author EskimoPassingBy Posted July 16, 2010 Author Posted July 16, 2010 Thank you for your input. She has asked her dad last night whether he will support our relationship and he said that as long as I am trustworthy, he doesn't mind. This really did take away a burden I have. I think I'm actually being immature for pushing away the relationship. I will give it a try and not let uncertainties ruin it further. Because right now I know that we both are suffering from this. I came on loveshack forum because of a break up in the past but now I want to tell you guys of how well my LDR is going on. No matter how much uncertainties I have, I know that I can't be away from her because I have been hurting for the whole week. The same pain as I got when I got dumped. Even though I'm not being dumped. And I know in a relationship, love fluctuates. I know for a fact my parents affected me because on Monday when she left, I was really devastated. Just because of what they said, I start doubting and feared to love her. I thought I tried to be mature but all I'm doing is being immature and hurting her.
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