cron Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Everyone, I need some more advice. My story is very long and you can read the entire situation that went down with my ex and I here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t236105/ or by searching for my posts. The shortened version of our story: I'm 30 and he's 39. Neither of us have ever been married and we have no kids. We were in a long distance relationship for 7+ months (after meeting through a mutual friend 7 months prior to that) and everything was WONDERFUL! I was convinced he was "the one" but even more, he expressed to me over and over that we would wed and asked me to relocate from Atlanta to Boston to be with him. I found out I was pregnant on Easter Sunday and at first, he was excited! But as time built up towards the date of my pregnancy confirmation appointment 1 month later, he changed. In short, the outcome of my confirmation appointment was crushing: I was told that I was going to have a miscarriage and I am still struggling with losing my baby. He handled the whole thing callously and didn't seem to give a care about me or my well-being. He didn't even want to come back to see the ultrasound, nor did he come to consult with my doctor when she explained to me what a miscarriage entails and my options. He flew back to Boston the next day and I barely heard from him again. We went from talking CONSTANTLY every day through phone or text and seeing each other every 2 weeks or sometimes more to me not hearing from him. I know the miscarriage and the pregnancy itself scared him but, he treated me so badly and stopped calling. For a month, I would only hear from him every 2 days, then every 4 days and then only when I contacted him. When I asked him "What was up?!" finally after a month of him dodging me, he told me that he wasn't "Ready to commit to having me move up to Boston" and that he wasn't ready to commit period. Just 2 months prior, he wanted me to move and he helped me look for jobs and when he found out I was pregnant, he was joyous and stated that he "couldn't think of anyone in the world he'd rather have a child with". He went from this to breaking up in 1 month?!!! We never fought, and I've come to the conclusion that as commitment loomed, he ran like a scared kitten. I've been depressed not only over losing him but over the miscarriage, too. He ran and abandoned me. And he had the audacity to do it over the phone. I've gone NC for a full 4 weeks and was starting to feel strong. I didn't think I'd ever hear from him again and was making peace with it. Then, out of nowhere, he calls yesterday to say that "He was thinking of me, and hadn't talked to me in a while and wanted to see how I was doing." He said that he was in California for business and that he'd try me back later on that night or the next day. Well, he didn't call me that night and he didn't call me tonight as promised. My question is this: What could he want? Should I call him back or wait for him to call again as he said? Why would he care how I'm doing?!!! He wanted me out of his life and I gave him his cowardly out. Do you think possibly he's rethinking his actions? I just need to know if he'll call again because I want to talk to him and let him know that I am doing just great without him. Also, to the dumpers, why would you contact an ex to see "how they're doing"?! Do you just need to have your own ego stroked? Since he contacted me 4 weeks after the fact, does this mean he may be reconsidering things? I just really want to know if I should call him back. Any insights, esp. from the male perspective, would be great. Thanks, everyone!
sandiego Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Hi Cron, I'm really sorry to hear about your losses. I can imagine how difficult it must be for you. You asked, "Also, to the dumpers, why would you contact an ex to see "how they're doing"?! Do you just need to have your own ego stroked?" - I think that may be exactly the case.....they want the comfort of knowing they can still generate a response....to know you're somehow still there (for what reason I have no idea) I'm a guy, but have essentially experienced the same thing with my ex-gf. She broke up with me 9 months ago. We've kept in contact over the past 9 months...usually ends up with me asking her if she'll ever want to try again...to no avail. Last time we spoke we got into a silly arguement about the end of our relationship and agreed it would be best to not speak for awhile. Well, like clockwork, 2 1/2 weeks later she texts me telling me she's started a new "Words with Friends" game with me...how ironic. After a bit of text, she told me she'd call me at night when she got out of work. Guess what, it didin't happen. I get a text at midnight saying "just got out of work and and am really tired....I'm beat, sorry". That's it. Nothing more...and no attempt at contact after that. I've gone through this enough to know next time I should ignore her......it's pretty disrespectful, and I'm a bit tired of the BS. Good luck with everything....I'll look forward to reading the other member responses! SD
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