mikedamiz Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 (edited) So their is this girl who went to college where I went. We dated for 4 months, but she moved back to her hometown 6 hours away. We have been dating for 3 years now long distance... I loved her to death. Since the new year this year things have been going downhill. Back in Feb she was pissing me off a lot, I broke up with her and a day or two later her cousin introduces her to a new guy. I freaked out that she moved on so soon, said I wanted to go up and see her I didnt want to end 3 years like this. Went up and saw her, things got ugly, left, did NC for a week and she called me saying she realized now more than ever I'm her true love, we get back together. Anyways about 2 months ago she got a new job. This kid who she used to know was writing on her myspace daily, commenting on her pics everytime she put a new one.. txting her alot, and asking for rides to work bec his car broke down. I thought maybe she was into him. I send the kid a msg to back off my gf, he got really defesnive, my gf got mad i sent him a msg, saying they are JUST FRIENDS.. She told me she hates how I don't trust her and how I go from being mad to breaking up with her all the time to telling her im sorry, doing 180s. I know she truly loved me now.... She told me she was 95% going to break up with me / wanted space, i went up and saw her and on my way home she was saying I was the love of her life and she loved me so much and wants to be with me forever, and that it meant a lot that i went out of my way to see her (took off work and stuff skipped classes). 3 days later the kid makes a prick comment on her myspace about me, i call her out on it she says dont let him get to you i'll talk to him. That night she stays 1 hour after work hanging out with her 'co workers'.... the entire hour she had her phone on her but wouldnt txt me. She finally called me while giving him a ride home, said she didnt realize how far time went by and her phone was on silent.. I was so pissed I broke up with her. 2 days after she meets some random kid off myspace and dates him for a week. They are saying I love you and **** I get pissed off and send her aunt and mom a txt saying how disrespectful she was to do that to me and found out the dudes number and called him on blocked and crap...i made her really mad. We were still kinda talking when they were dating or w.e, they never even met he lived like 45 min away from her..anyways after i sent her mom a txt, she told me to never talk to her again bec she was so mad i sent her mom a txt. A week later she breaks up with him realizing he was just a rebound. (I think she was channeling her feelings of me into him, saying i love you and crap)... Now a week after that, she re-added several guys who she used to like 3 years ago. One guy I think they dated for like a few days and it didnt work out or something, i think he left her for another girl. Anyways, the guy who she dated for like 2 or 3 days before i even knew her, his gf JUST broke up with him like 2 months ago. He sent her a msg like 2 months ago a week after his gf broke up with him, she didnt respond bec we were dating. So IMO he is rebound on her.. his status updates were crap like 'i regret spending so much time on her' 'im so lost and confused'... so i think he is just rebounding on her...anyways my x had made her status updates crap like 'finally in a good relationship' 'couldn't possibly be happer' and crap. (She doesnt know i know, she forgot one of my friends to remove as a friend)... Is this her comparing him to me? Showing he is a rebound? It's been two months since we broke up..... they have been dating for a month... I texted her once 4 weeks ago saying I was sorry, she told me 'sorry to say this but i dont want to talk to you, please dont text me.'.. IDK what to do anymore. I realize I was wrong now about the kid she was working with(obv if they liked each other she wouldnt have jumped into another random relationship after i broke up with her), and that she is mad at me for accusing her of stuff she never did.. and she told me they were just friends. I know she loved me a lot.. I just kept breaking up with her over nothing... I'll be in her hometown in Sept.. Im thinking of txting her to meet up for lunch? Edited July 15, 2010 by mikedamiz
leftyright1 Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 my initial reaction is that you have over reacted. it seems like you want complete control over her and who she associates w/ on myspace, etc... i've dated girls and of course they are going to have guy friends and will interact w/ them sometimes on social networking sites. if she was avoiding you or not showing you love then thats one thing but i think a lot of this may be in your head. have u had trust issues w/ other girls in the past? if you truly care about her and want u two to work, i would let her know that trust is an issue for you. buy a book or talk w/ someone about it. let her know you are taking action on it and i think she might let u back into her life over time.
Author mikedamiz Posted July 15, 2010 Author Posted July 15, 2010 my initial reaction is that you have over reacted. it seems like you want complete control over her and who she associates w/ on myspace, etc... i've dated girls and of course they are going to have guy friends and will interact w/ them sometimes on social networking sites. if she was avoiding you or not showing you love then thats one thing but i think a lot of this may be in your head. have u had trust issues w/ other girls in the past? if you truly care about her and want u two to work, i would let her know that trust is an issue for you. buy a book or talk w/ someone about it. let her know you are taking action on it and i think she might let u back into her life over time. I was cheated on in my previous relationship. So I guess yeah I kinda do, not her fault though. I know for a fact she truly loved me.. I just kept hurting her.. She knows I had trust issues.. I know I need to work on it.. But I realize now that they were nothing... I always felt like she was to good for me.. so maybe thats why? I tried to control her so I wouldn't lose her I guess I thought if she never talked to other guys she couldnt risk liking them... I realize this now.. it was wrong.. i should have trusted her she gave me no reason not to.. but I think i've realized this to late now The thing is.. she is dating a new guy now and has been for a month? Should I still try to reach out to her? I really pissed her off by sending her mom a txt.. and she asked me not to txt her anymore? I really miss her :*(
spyyder Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 (edited) You say you were cheated on in a past relationship, so your actions in your realtionship with your ex makes sense. HOWEVER you did overreact, were way too controlling and you broke up with her for the smallest things as you wanted to control her. You need to realize that SHE IS NOT the girl that cheated on you in the past. I was sort of like that with my ex. Every time she didn't do what I said, I told her I was going to brake up with her. She then did what I said so I wouldn't brake up with her. Man I was SO controlling and I regret being like that so much. YEAH she did eventually brake up with me and the making up process for me now seems impossible. Watch out dude. It still seems like you still have a chance. What you need to do is just let her date this guy and hope it doesn't work out...it probably won't. You need to go NC for a while, till her current relationship is still on at least + 1 month. The only way you can get her back is trying to have a clean slate, and starting from fresh. Why would she want to go back to a relationship she hated?? She's only going to be with you if you make her believe that she's in a new relationship, but with you. DO NOT contact her family, friends, and even her as that'll just piss her off (trust me I've been there with my ex) and make it more difficult to get her back. Telling her you love her so much, being logical why you two should get back, crying, saying she's your everything, etc WILL only push her back. I know it sounds strange but it's true. Just like when your dealing with a really pushy salesman, if he is too desperate you just get turned off and the more he tries (through good reasoning, emotion, etc) the more you don't want to buy (its human nature). Edited July 15, 2010 by spyyder
Author mikedamiz Posted July 15, 2010 Author Posted July 15, 2010 I mean it seems like to me he is just a rebound also, just a guy she actually knows from her past... Someone who was safe.. bec she knows I prob wont ever change (I want to though). In aug (a month from now) should I contact her when im in her hometown? (For a wedding) and ask her to meet up for lunch or something? I really hope they dont last.. like i said i think he is her rebound also.. but they have already been dating for a month now so idk... ugh..
Author mikedamiz Posted July 16, 2010 Author Posted July 16, 2010 (edited) Should I send an apology letter for being so controlling? Or just leave her be with her new bf of a month and a half now? Her FB has a cute "Happy one month babee :)" status ((( Edited July 16, 2010 by mikedamiz
LoveTruthChaos Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 She's moved on. By breaking up with her, you forced her to move on. LET HER GO.
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