flyfishin Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 I need some advice from unbiased people who are unfamiliar with my situation so I decided to join this forum and give it shot. My g/f of 8 months broke up with me a couple of weeks ago. We got along great, we had long term plans in our future. She even brought the"M" word up toward the end, as we were throwing around the idea of getting married in a couple of years when we both finished our masters programs. We had a great relationship, we are two adults in our early 30's that are doing great in our respective professions and we seemed to be the perfect fit for each other. I have a son who she fully accepted when I introduced them over the past two months (she has no kids). Here is what happened a couple of weeks ago. My son who is 4 years old lives with me for the time being and has been with me for almost two years now. His mother does not help me financially with him, the main reason I have him is because she has money problems, and her and her new husband can't afford him right now. His mother who is remarried now lives over 6 hours away in Oklahoma with her new husband and rarely takes the time out to visit our son or even call him. I received a text message from my sons mother out of the blue asking me to bring him to Oklahoma sometime this summer so she can see him b/c she doesn't have the money to come to Texas right now. To make a long story short I vented this issue to my ex g/f in confidence, well that backfired and she blew up on me. Stating that my son would be better off without his mother in his life because she doesn't do anything for him emotionally or financially, and how she would be a far better mother figure for him. She wanted me to take her to court for full custody and said that I have no guts, and let his mother take advantage of me too much and she couldn't handle it anymore. I tried to tell her that I have no need to take her to court because my son is fine with me right now and I do not need to start problems with his mother unnecessarily. She didn't agree and said I wasn't respecting her opinions and dumped me. I was really hurt by this and tried to reach out to her later that evening and she sent me a text stating she couldn't deal with face I don't respect her thoughts on the issue. I asked her out to our favorite cafe to sort this out over a coffee and received no answer. I have not heard from her since and I have not reached out to her either, I took her off of my facebook page etc.I really miss her though and wish we could work it out. Although I admit that I am taking the breakup well because I'm busy with my son, work, friends, and family and I feel good about life in general. But I do think of her at times and miss her. Part of me feels I need to move on and let it go and the other half of me feels we had something special and I should try to reach out now that it's been a couple of weeks and see where her head is at. I'm in limbo and need some outside advice. So should I reach out to her? Or should I forget her and move on? Thanks.
Author flyfishin Posted July 15, 2010 Author Posted July 15, 2010 I appreciate your opinion...any others have any input? especially from a female perspective would be great.
dla0519 Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 In my opinion your gf sounds a little selfish. You should never keep a child from their parent. I admire the fact you are raising your child because your ex can not provide for him but if she wants to see him you should let her. She was not abusive was she? Your gf needs to think if the table was turned and it was your ex that your son lived with and she would not let you see him. It sounds to me as if your gf wants to be the only mother in his life and keep him from his real mom. That only hurts your son in the long run and will make him resent you and your gf. I would let her come to you and apologize first.
txsilkysmoothe Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I am a female! I completely agree with you. Your son is in your physical care, safe, and happy. His mother, it appears, doesn't interfere with your parenting nor does it sound like her visits/calls are upsetting to your son. She has made some mistakes that will count against her should custody ever become an issue. The longer your son lives with you the better your standing in court. Don't rock the boat! Your girlfriends reaction was immature for a woman of 30. She has much to learn about children and parenting. It's as if she wants a picture perfect family which means there is no room for your son's mother. It doesn't work that way and mature people know and accept this fact. She also appears to be jealous of your interaction with your son's mother and interprets your cooperation as being too friendly with her. Do not call her! If she really loves you, she will call you and accept your circumstance. Best wishes,
Author flyfishin Posted July 15, 2010 Author Posted July 15, 2010 Thanks for the advice dia and txsilkysmoothe! Dia I couldn't agree more, the first thing that came to my mind was how selfish she was being, and looking back at it her major flaw is that she had selfish tendencies throughout the relationship which were clouded b/c I loved her, and I either overlooked them or did not want to accept the fact she was kind of selfish . TXsilky I will not call her and as you said if she does really love me she will call me and accept my circumstance and if not ohh well time to move on with life.
torranceshipman Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 OP you sound brilliantly intolerant of drama, but your ex sounds like she loves drama. Total incompatibility - I'd have walked too! You are better off with out her and also you sound like a great dad - considerate, well adjusted and an all round good catch.
Maverick1983 Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 It is very admirable what you are doing,you seem like you are a very good dad.IMO you need someone supportive in your situation as being a single parent I can imagine is pretty tough in itself.Let her make it up to you as you have done only what is in your childs best interests.Good luck.
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