slightlysparkling Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 (edited) Advice and comments of any kind are welcome after reading (as much as you can) of this. I was devastated when I got dumped even though we had only been dating for nearly 4 months. He was my first boyfriend and now that its over I realise ust how in love with him I was. I got a part in this play at university and didnt know anyone else in the cast. I met Ryan (name changed) when I was outside the room crying because I couldnt get my lines right at rehearsal. I grew to like him and at the after party we kissed and I regretted it later on. However, sometime that week I realised just how much I liked him and in mid March, a few weeks after the play I told him this. He responded by telling me he liked me too and he was glad I said something because he wouldn't have had the courage, but also that when he starts seeing someone he ends it because he is so used to being on his own that he 'self-destructs' and gets scared so he wouldn't want to hurt me. We slept together that night nonetheless and I stayed at his place many, many nights for the next 2 and a half months. Our relationship was very discreet at first but when our friends began to realise we were together I felt as though we were almost like the perfect couple. Made for one another. At least twice a week I would stay over night in his room on campus, not always having sex because we were jsut happy to be with one another. We'd spend the time together watching comedy programs and going for drinks with our other friends. What made it sort of meaningful for me was the fact that I had always gone for a certain type, or collection of types. Basically, popular and well dressed. Into clubs and just the kind that I would have wanted to be seen with perhaps for reputation purposes. Ryan was the opposite, in fact some would describe him as the geeky type. He liked computer games, comedy, and had the music taste of a 55 year old man. He was slightly scruffy and dressed like a hippy/rocker or whatever. I never thought I could fall in love with someone who I would not usually give a second look to. I certainly never considered the possibility of us going out when I first saw him. We seemed to have the exact same eyes (according to him) and we even sat in the same way and ate the same way. We were very cute together. We both laughed at the same kind of things and he loved how i could make him laugh and vice versa. He was the first person to tell me I was beautiful and in May, he told me he loved me. It was the first time he had ever said this to a girl and I believe him when he tells me that. The beginning of june is when it broke down. We both went home for the summer holidays. He lives down in England, me in Scotland. We spoke to each other online for the first week of being apart and then after that he would ignore my texts and private messages. It was always me trying to contact him and never him contacting me. One night i sent him a message saying, "you haven't been making much of an effort to contact me, is everything ok between us?" I though to myself, if I dont get a reply then I take that to mean that it is over. The next morning, I woke up and changed my facebook status from "in a relationship" to "single". To be fair though, I never really gave him enough time to reply and he texted back with "No I haven't and I don't blame you," after noticing the status change. I immediately felt terrible and he called me that night to apologise for his lack of contact and I apologised for humiliating and hurting him in front of all our friends. So he did make a little bit more effort after that. Nearly a fortnight ago it was my graduation ball and I went outside onto the athletic track (the ball was in the university sports centre) to give him a call for a chat. I told him I missed him and he couldn't say it back. All he said was, "can we do this later". I told him no just tell me now, otherwise I would spend the night wondering what he was going to say. He said that after he graduated, which is not until next year, he doesn't know what he will be doing and where he will be living. He said he has been thinking that he is nto at a good time of his life to be in a relationship and I told him that I certainly hadn't been thinking that far into the future. I said that I always considered the fact that we would probably not be together forever but I prefered to enjoy how it was going now and cross that bridge as we come to it. He retaliated with the very good point that when it does end after a year or more, it will be much more painful thatn it would be to end things after only 4 months. This is very true but if you worry about a relationship ending before its even started then you will not be with anyone for very long. I always thought you were supposed to enjoy it for the moment and if it ends later on then it ends. Its no reason to end it now. Now I was quite drunk when we had this conversation and I really don't remember most of it, only key words and phrases. There was some talk of "taking a rain check" and seeing how it goes in September but I don't know. We will stay friends because we are in the same society and share most of the same group of friends. I am greatful for that because he is a very good guy and I dont want to lose him completely. I just wish I could make him see how silly a reason it is to break up with someone. Edited July 14, 2010 by slightlysparkling
Serenitynow Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I realise just how in love with him I was. Thats just normal emotion to feel that way. It doesnt really mean you realize it more. You are feeling the emotion of separation from him. And blending it with the fact that all those good times have come to an end. Would you ather him be upfront ? Or kept having sex with you with no feelings backing it up ? He probably has been feeling this way for awhile. And respected you too much to hide it from you. You should respect him back for it.
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