matildack Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 I want to contact him so damn bad. Tell him that I didn't mean what I said (see earlier posts). I know that if I cave in however, I'll most likely receive no response, and appear as needy and desperate. I just cannot understand how everything was perfect, and the next, everything changes. He left me for someone else, but I don't even think he's with her right now. I don't know what to do. I am trying to let go-- but he is giving me hope. It is taking everything out of me right now to NOT contact him. Each day just seems to get worse, instead of better. Everything reminds me of him. I am trying to talk to other guys to get my mind off of it-- and it doesn't help. I find myself secretly comparing them to him. I have never been this torn about a breakup.
dla0519 Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 I know how you feel. I am going through the same thing. We just have to keep reminding ourselves that if we contact them we will just push them further away. My ex told me he missed me yesterday in an email and I wrote back and got no response so I called today and he got mad. WTH? You miss me but don't want to talk to me??? Stay strong and know you are not alone.
starryeyed12 Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 I definitely feel your pain. I was on day 2 of NC yesterday, and it was so tough! After hearing from him daily for the past year, it's a shock to the system. Then, what do you know he texts me wanting to know why I haven't changed my profile picture on facebook yet. He hasn't changed his either. I guess we're both still holding on even with the NC he said he wanted and I was trying so hard to follow. My texts weren't despret pleas to see him or telling him I still love him. Just explainations to his questions. I actually did feel better after he texted, but that relief was short-lived. I think I am going to try and talk to him in a few more days. I need some kind of closure, and I think that can be acheived after some time apart and a clear head. It's so hard, but the relief you get from hearing from your ex is so short-lived and it only takes you back a step. Keep being strong and stay busy!!
Author matildack Posted July 14, 2010 Author Posted July 14, 2010 I think my ex is holding on in a way too. He will NOT delete me from the social networking site we met on.. and I can't bring myself to do it and when we broke up we agreed if we needed anything or wanted to talk, we could contact one another at any time.. yet when I sent him a text saying that I was okay with the breakup and actually happy over it (I sent that text in hopes for a response, but alas, nothing). Not sure if he didn't know what to say or if he just didn't care. I want to just pick up the phone and talk to him so badly--see where he stands between this mess, me and her--but I know I shouldn't.
starryeyed12 Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Well, my situation may be worse. Bc my ex is texting me now, and it's making things extremely confusing. He said "What would we being doing now?" just out of the blue today. I caved and responded. The series of texts led to him wanting to meet up tonight and get some drinks. I dunno though...he dumped me and said some extremely hurtful things. Most of our fights were about financial burdens, so thats not changing anytime soon. At the same time I really want to see him... Eeks. I'm trying not to cave... This is one of those "do as I say not as I do moments" haha. Good luck! I think you should really stay NC for a few days at least. Just keep yourself as occupied as possible. I'm going to try!!!
starryeyed12 Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I do think you can talk to him again and try to get closure. But, for now you really, really should stay NC and clear your head. It's tough, but even if only a few days just to really reflect on all that has happened. When the good memories come you have to remind yourself of the pain and anger, bc after all you wouldn't be in this mess if it were all good.
MissIceCream Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I know all too well of these emotions, and the absolute need to hear his voice as if your life depended on it. It hurts, and I do mean the deep heartache that just crushes everything around you. I was there...still there even though I made a total ass of myself. You have to go NC for at least a month. A few days it's just too short, and too fresh to really start talking. I wish I have taken my own advice believe me. You can find my story under "The Worst Break Up!!!." Take the month and fill your time with anything possible, the gym and going out with friends is an absolute must, and if he phones, text, or email you have to tell him that you are busy now and that you will get in contact with him after a few weeks. This will work!
Author matildack Posted July 15, 2010 Author Posted July 15, 2010 I do think you can talk to him again and try to get closure. But, for now you really, really should stay NC and clear your head. It's tough, but even if only a few days just to really reflect on all that has happened. When the good memories come you have to remind yourself of the pain and anger, bc after all you wouldn't be in this mess if it were all good. I definitely do want to talk to him again at some point--it's been over a week since the break-up. I would like to see where he stands, but I'm thinking that I really should wait until he makes the first call. Even if he does make the first call- it's going to take a HELL of a lot more than just "sorry" to get me back into his arms (if ever). I'm not sure what to do, wait it out or what. I have a gut feeling that he is still attached in some ways.. so I don't know. I think he is confused between the past and the present. Ugh, what to do, what to do!
tashp Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Though I'm not the best person for advice, replace his number with a friends. So every time you dial him, you're not actually calling him!
Author matildack Posted July 15, 2010 Author Posted July 15, 2010 Though I'm not the best person for advice, replace his number with a friends. So every time you dial him, you're not actually calling him! Thanks for the advice, I have deleted his number from my contact list however. Still have it written down on a sticky note though :/ So, the general consensus says to wait at least a month before I contact him? If he contacts me, what do I do? Ignore it?
EYECANDY000 Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I want to contact him so damn bad. Tell him that I didn't mean what I said (see earlier posts). I know that if I cave in however, I'll most likely receive no response, and appear as needy and desperate. I just cannot understand how everything was perfect, and the next, everything changes. He left me for someone else, but I don't even think he's with her right now. I don't know what to do. I am trying to let go-- but he is giving me hope. It is taking everything out of me right now to NOT contact him. Each day just seems to get worse, instead of better. Everything reminds me of him. I am trying to talk to other guys to get my mind off of it-- and it doesn't help. I find myself secretly comparing them to him. I have never been this torn about a breakup. Matildack, Trust me you are not the only one going through this. One thing that you will a sense of relief is on this site. You can log on and see you arent the only one. I know it hurts, im hurting myself. It is now day 2 of my bf and I breaking up. One thing that I have learned to do is focus on doing other things. and I know its easier said than done, but it works. I find when Im home I do nothing but cry. and when Im doing other things my mind is off of him. I know a lot of people say go to the gym, find a hobby.. but what helps me most is posting and reading on here. Of course everyone is different. So you have to find something that will help you. Also my friend told me whenever I feel like I am about to cry and I start to get wrapped up in my emotions just repeat the phrase " I can do this" It lets me know that I am strong and I can handel it . Take care girl. hope you feel better! I know it doesnt seem like it now, but each day will get better.
starryeyed12 Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I definitely do want to talk to him again at some point--it's been over a week since the break-up. I would like to see where he stands, but I'm thinking that I really should wait until he makes the first call. Even if he does make the first call- it's going to take a HELL of a lot more than just "sorry" to get me back into his arms (if ever). I'm not sure what to do, wait it out or what. I have a gut feeling that he is still attached in some ways.. so I don't know. I think he is confused between the past and the present. Ugh, what to do, what to do! Trust me, he is still attached to you in some way, as you are to him. It's not possible for two people to invest so much time and emotion into one another and make a clean break. Even if he found someone else for the time, even if the relationship has been rocky and you've both been having second thoughts for sometime before the break up, there is still always going to be a connection between the two of you. After all, compatibility and a connection is what brought you together in the first place. Even after you both have moved on to another, you will still have some kind of connection, however faint. This isn't "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," (One of my fav movies, btw. Rent it if you haven't seen it! ) we can't just erase someone from our memories. My point here is to take some comfort that you are not in this process of letting go alone. He's going through it too contrary to how it may feel. That being said, I think you're doing great because it seems like you've let your focus be on the changes that MUST occur before ever thinking about a second chance. Changes do not occur overnight, so keep giving it time. Time has a way revealing truth. The longer you can go NC, the more truths will be revealed to you. However IMHO, it is also important to keep in mind that NC is not the "end all, be all" to break-ups, despite what you may read here on LS. At some point when you've contemplated your actions and his and you've let time and space reveal their truths, you may then think about contacting him for closure. Closure is an important part of letting go and finding inner peace. I don't believe this can be achieved by creating a permanent wall between you and your ex. Take all the time you need to gain your strength and clarity, but sometimes it may be you who needs to muster up the courage to speak again and get answers that you seek. All will reveal it's self in time. ************************************************* Living is easy with eyes closed.
Author matildack Posted July 15, 2010 Author Posted July 15, 2010 Thanks for the advice everyone. I am continuing NC-- no matter how hard it will be. I'm just taking this one day at a time. @Starryeyed12: I really appreciate your thoughts. I never really thought of it that way. I can only hope for the best, and wish the same for you.
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