Mattock5656 Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Hey guys, been ages since I've posted but has some lingering questions. This topic has probably came up a million times, but here it goes. Through my dating adventures, I have meet a good handful of women and the ones that seem to be obviously interested in me all have kids. Keep in mind, I'm 21 years old and 1 year short from my Bachelor's degree with a nice car and soon to be apartment. First and foremost, I am not against women with kids, as I love kids and all the cute things they do. Although, at this age, I'm in the process of finishing my school and conquering my goals in the future. Being with someone that has kids at this age, would be just be a burden. Furthermore, all the women that I've meet have tons of baggage and their lingering Ex taunting them in the background. Lets say, If I was 30 years or something, I would not reject somebody if they have kids, but at this age, its not something I want to do. Does it seem shallow for thinking this? The chick I'm seeing now is really fun to be around and such but her 2 kids are eventually going to intermingle and its something I do not want to do. I'm not sure if its the location I live in, but all the women that seem to take a interest in me have kids, and I'm not sure if its a certain aura that I'm letting off. Of course, I'm very careful with my money and I'm don't want to support a family or be some women's baby daddy figure this early in life ( I did have some women with no kids, but no interest...oh Im screwed lol) Have you guys ever ran into a sitation where you really liked someone, but were turned off for them having kids? I realize that things happen, but at this age, I want to be free to travel the world and enjoy the ancient beauty of the planet.(at least for awhile until later on)
rawr Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 No it is not shallow to think this way. I am a single mom and have dated others with children as well. It's a huge factor in everything. If it isn't something you are prepared for, don't date anyone with children at this time. Making this choice doesn't in the least make you a bad person...it's a wise choice.
make me believe Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 I'm 27 and I wouldn't date a guy with kids, so I don't think there's anything wrong with a 21 year old not wanting to! How old are these girls??? I would think that at 21 you'd be able to find plenty of women that don't have kids! Honestly, I would never put myself in a position to get attached to a guy who had kids. It's a deal-breaker for me. Maybe you should start asking women very early on if they have any, and if they say yes you can move on to someone else before you or she gets too attached. It's wrong to lead them on and then dump them down the road because of their kids, though. When you know all along what you're getting into you can't really complain about it later, you know?
Author Mattock5656 Posted July 14, 2010 Author Posted July 14, 2010 Oh thanks Rawr...I agree, I am not ready for something like that, but surely in the future its something I look forward to doing. Oh for sure make me believe. I agree thats not right to lead someone along. I've only went on one date with this girl, so its not too far along. I think there is alot of single women around but I guess I just give off the wrong vibe at the wrong time it seems. Of course, some reject me or I reject them... I just gotta keep my eyes peeled. It just sucks that some of these women seem really fun, but their kids are something I do not want to have in my life right now.
threebyfate Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Not a single mom but am a mother and agree with rawr. You're a smart guy. Don't date a single mom if you're not prepared to take on the responsibility of co-parenting. Not only is there a co-parenting issue, it's also a loss of freedom where the two of you can't just go on a date without making arrangements. When I was single and child-free, I also wouldn't date men with kids due to all kinds of reasons. The main ones were not wanting to have to undo poor parenting techniques and potential baby momma drama.
TheLoneSock Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Does it seem shallow for thinking this? Absolutely not. It means you have standards, and are focused on yourself, not being a stand in father figure (which it inevitably leads to). I feel the same way, as I do not date single moms of any age. I have given it a shot in the past on two different occasions and it didn't ever work out. There are far too many crap variables that come into play which inject drama into the relationship. Frankly, you can (and should) do better.
Enema Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Single mothers have less value in the dating scene than those with no dependents. For this reason they either date down, date providers, or date someone with future potential. The desireable women with no kids don't date you because you aren't yet successful or, probably not attractive enough by yourself. Give it a few years when your career is established and you'll get the kind of women you want. Just don't get suckered into having kids of your own.
Sith Apprentice Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Single mothers are forced to be more aggressive because they are of lower value than a woman without kids. No Alpha male is going to raise another man's kids. Single mothers are desperate for a beta male chump to foot the bill. They get knocked up by some alpha male jerk then look for a nice guy beta male provider to ensure the jerk's offspring are cared for into adulthood. You get to foot the bill for another man's kids while your genetic line dies out. She lusts for the jerk while seeing you as nothing more than a wallet. No thanks!
Pyro Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Single mothers are forced to be more aggressive because they are of lower value than a woman without kids. No Alpha male is going to raise another man's kids. Single mothers are desperate for a beta male chump to foot the bill. They get knocked up by some alpha male jerk then look for a nice guy beta male provider to ensure the jerk's offspring are cared for into adulthood. You get to foot the bill for another man's kids while your genetic line dies out. She lusts for the jerk while seeing you as nothing more than a wallet. No thanks! Bitter much? OP: not shallow at all. Everyone has their own wants and needs. Just be sure not to lead her on.
Chicago_Guy Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Lets say, If I was 30 years or something, I would not reject somebody if they have kids, but at this age, its not something I want to do. Does it seem shallow for thinking this? You might change your mind when you are 30 and realize that you still don't want a woman with kids at that age. If you live in a big city, there are many women even in their 30s who don't have kids and you might not ever feel comfortable getting involved with a single mother. Trust me, as you are well aware, women have probably rejected you in the past for far more superficial reasons, so you have nothing to be ashamed of.
Chicago_Guy Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Single mothers are forced to be more aggressive because they are of lower value than a woman without kids. No Alpha male is going to raise another man's kids. Single mothers are desperate for a beta male chump to foot the bill. They get knocked up by some alpha male jerk then look for a nice guy beta male provider to ensure the jerk's offspring are cared for into adulthood. You get to foot the bill for another man's kids while your genetic line dies out. She lusts for the jerk while seeing you as nothing more than a wallet. No thanks! Your posts sounds like something Tom Leykis would have written! I agree with respect to single mothers who had their children when they weren't married - if those women are stuggling to make ends meet, they probably do want to latch onto a "beta chump" to raise their kids.
Pfiend101 Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I agree its a big deal breaker for me. I realize it takes two to make the baby. However generally speaking I think it shows that the woman is irresponsible and not thinking about hers/the childs future. Unless she has some dynamite job at 21. Which lets be honest..... she wont. The guy that leaves them should also be castrated.
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