DudeMan27 Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 I've been so down and obsessing lately about what could have been. Instead of being alone every night, barely being able to fall asleep, going out to dinner by myself because my friends are too busy or no longer want to, I could be with her, laughing, going to the big events she goes to, going to fancy places to eat, having fun with her family. Its been about 15 months since we broke up. My life has gotten exponentially worse since. I've been laid off 7 of those months. I can't find a job, my resume sucks and I feel like my time in college was a waste. She lived in a much bigger city than I do, so when we met it was like my life completely changed. ALWAYS had fun stuff to do, I was meeting her friends from all over the world, was traveling with her and her family to places I've never been. But over time, I let my insecurities affect my confidence. I worried more about my friends than her, and due to a previous breakup that I was really screwed over in, I held her at a distance. It eventually took its toll on the relationship. My friends, who I used to love more than anything, have all gone downhill. My best friend works sometimes 7 days a week, and if I do get to hang out with him, his wife just ruins everyones fun all the time. My other friend is getting married next month, he already never leaves his girls side. I barely have any fun with them anymore. If I was still with her, none of that would matter, I could spend more time building our relationship. But now I have nothing. I woke up the other day and the very first thing for some reason was one night we were out, and her roomate pulled me aside and said "You make her really happy" I spent the rest of the day thinking, "my God, this wonderful girl liked me SO much, and I blew it" She is this beautiful woman, yet was always just one of the guys. Never, ever yelled at me or got mad. Always let me go and do what I wanted. Her family had beach houses, she even had a few celebrity friends and friends all around the world. I look at my friends who arent allowed to do ANYTHING, and it just makes me realize what I lost. I found out that my other friends new gf was talking to a couple other girls and they mentioned how much they liked me and wish I'd find a good girl. I hear that and it breaks my heart because I had it. I had the perfect girl for me and it would be 2 1/2 years together if I had opened my eyes, addressed the problems which we openly talked about. Instead I just let it all fester and never did a thing to improve the relationship, while she was trying her hardest to save it. It isnt about being single for me, before her I went over 2 years without dating, that doesnt bother me. Its that I want to be with her. I knew what I had but held back. Now I can't imagine a guy meeting her and not falling in love. I know this sounds like a 'poor me, give me sympathy' thread, but I kinda need it. I feel really really lost in life and feel even worse that its been 15 months later and I'm not a bit better. I had a beautiful girl who was crazy about me, a different life I had never experienced in a large city, 100 new friends because of her, plans every night and every weekend. Now I struggle to find someone to go to lunch with. If my friends do want to do smoething, its just sit on the couch and drink, or in the back yard and hang out. If I go out in my city, I see the same people at the same places, not a very big town. I feel scared because I had all that, now a year later I have no job, and I'm thinking of selling my house to move to a place where I have even less friends, just for a change of scenery. All this could have been avoided if I had just opened my eyes to what I had, let her in, and had the self esteem to be myself. I missed a really really great chance and a great life. I just ..cant get over that.
DustySaltus Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Dude, I've read your posts and the reality is that this girl was not as great as you made her seem. So she traveled alot, she had "celebrity" friends and she opened you up to new things. That's all well and good but she was the one that decided to end things. She was the one who told you about some other dudes that asked her out AFTER you had broken up. This is someone who was truly wrapped up in their own needs. I thought relationships were a two way street? My life sucks sometimes too, other times it's great. I've ranted on here recently about things that have pissed me off but at the end of the day I try my best to do something about the. And you know what, I feel GREAT today! I've been through a ton of crap this year and it didn't help that a bunch of my friends got married as well this year. We can't let that effect our own happiness or let that breed anxiety within ourselves. You have to focus on your own happiness. You cannot let this woman or anyone for that matter define who you are. You need to come up with a list of short and long term goals you would like to accomplish for YOURSELF. Focus on these things and more importantly, enjoy the ride.
spriggig Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Things are looking up! Because next month it will be Sweet 16! You've been walking this path for how long? Oh, right 15 months. I know because you keep repeating that. If only you could physically pull yourself off the path... You can pull yourself off this path. Whenever you catch yourself wandering this path of destructive, unproductive thought, you will, from this point forward shout out loud at yourself: "STOP!" And then force your mind onto something else--ANYTHING else that is more productive, honest and pleasurable. Every time, even if it happens once a minute all night until you go to bed and starts up again tomorrow morning. You have to retrain your mind to NOT follow this path anymore. And, Dude, ONLY you can do it.
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